joyousone

I have personally see many people who went to AA and never drank again..amazing but so true. These are people who are now over 20 years sober..I am still friends with them on Facebook.it is possible Raider..I am not one of them but who knows maybe someday. Hang in there my friend.

Straightshoot

I got to the point where I was just tired of drinking. Did nothing for me, and I don't care if I ever have another one. Keep the faith Raider.

SoberLeigh

Love this post, Jaynie, especially:

"I realized I have gradually let go of parts of my life that no longer fit".

So true.

Raider, drinking just doesn't fit for us. I think that if we keep this firmly ingrained in our psyche, we won't relapse.

grubby

To be fair, i do think age and length of drinking factor in a bit as well........ i.e. the longer you were drinking, the harder a time you will have and the more likely a relapse will occur etc.

I'm 26 and have a little over 220 days clean, no so-called "inevitable" relapse has occurred yet. To be honest, I've had other things on my mind and it just hasn't popped into my mind at all lately. Also, there were a few recent positive events where i felt in a "celebratory" mood....... but i did not drink. There is a choice involved.

I really think that, besides the physical addiction/permanently altered receptors component which we can't change much after-the-fact and after the damage has been done, it really just comes down to making a decision and sticking to it.

livingnow

you asked
"What is the point of all this?"

BTW, a great question
Seriously, till you answer that question for YOURSELF, you will probably wear out your keyboard posting, searching....
We cannot answer that- only you.
its a roadblock to freedom......

Once you have that answer- you know the point of this (as YOU understand it) you will progress greatly away from your poor habits, traits - to whats next on this journey we call life....freedom

LBrain

things you can't unsee, I should know better than to scroll down to the pic of that cat, nightmares tonight maybe.

multi-tasking I was today. had car in driveway with hose charged, stuff laying about, still more to do, I went inside and discovered someone in laundry room who started water without checking to see if I left my clothes in there. I gathered up my now wetter clothes to hang on the line. But I needed to cut grass first. I cut the grass - the whole yard, three levels - then hung up my clothes, then immediately went straight back out to continue my work on my jeep. why am I sharing this? Because I wasn't thinking about a drink. Last year - this has happened - I would have forgotten the front, had another drink, and discovered later tonight or in the morning that I have unfinished things waiting for me in the driveway. To be able to be completely interrupted from what I was doing, get into other things and then go back to where I was I found amazing. I even wrapped up the extension cord I used for vac and put everything away. No kidding!
What 'notmyrealname' says is great. I keep a mental list. I have woken up the next morning and found the garage door open, my keys in the ignition and hose and tools spread about. Today I stayed on track and finished. Relapse for me is not even a question. I have too many memories of stupid things as a constant reminder to me that I just can't pick up a drink. It works for me.

fini

Pam,
no, relapse is not inevitable. not at all.
nor is daily struggle, second by second as you put it.
if you read here lots, you will hear quite a few people who do not struggle with drinking/not drinking thought, or cravings or any kind of desires to drink again.

maybe listen to what they're saying they did and see if that might work for you.

and you know, the longer you're sober, the more likely you'll have a chance of better being convinced of the point of it.

EndGameNYC

This made me laugh.

Lorax1981

I want to live a long, healthy life so yes it's worth it for me. Give it some time, it will become second nature to you after a while. Not waking up hungover is reason enough but there's all kinds of other benefits. Being healthy is at the top for me. It's hard, and a lot of people fail buts it's not about other people, it's about you. Keep it up, sometimes I look at someone having a hard time as a good thing cuz it means they're really doing it, and their brain is making changes.
-Ted

MavisTheFairy13

I suppose it's different for everyone. The point I mean. For me I need to get healthy for my son. If I am alcohol free for 30 days and then relapse does it mean that those 30 days were a waste of time? No! It was 30 days without a drink! If I didn't even try I would have continued to drink every day for those 30 days and my health (physical and mental) would have continued to deteriorate. I am actually on day 9 alcohol free and have no intention of relapsing. But if I do I will dust myself off and carry on.
My son is autistic and struggles every day to make sense of the world around him. He can't speak so gets incredibly frustrated when he can't communicate what he wants or needs. Yet he has the biggest smile that lights up his whole face and the littlest things make him happy. My struggle to stop drinking is nothing compared to what he has to deal with. So I will keep going no matter what

afloatsober

You are struggling right now and i have been over the past few weeks. I don't intend to drink.
These feelings will pass.
I am early in recovery after drinking for four decades and of course some days it feels like a battle.
I have relapsed many times in the past but know that it is not a 'given' that we do. I also know that my life is better sober even on a 'bad' day.
When i had a wife, house, car, career and health i often used to say 'whats the point'.
I had that luxury.
It would invariably lead me to convincing myself that a drink was my only real option as an alcoholic and so back to hell.
When i had drunk all of these things away, in a few years, and was broken in every department, the 'point' became clear to me.
The point became.. i didn't REALLY want to die and be found after several days in putrefaction on my boat surrounded by empty vodka bottles.
I didn't want my epitaph to be 'well he was a nice bloke with so much to offer, such a shame, but the booze got him in the end'.
No thanks.
Every one of us ha a way out, a permanent way out called sobriety, and IMO have a responsibility to take as many with us as we can!
G

goose333

ReadyandAble
You said:
That thought just triggered something in my brain. I'm just starting (again). At 7 days. My AV is quite active. However, what you said just triggered one thing in my brain. Meditation. 6 to 8 months ago I started mindful meditation. Stuck with it for about a month. It was just beginning to have an effect on me. Nothing to do with alcohol. It's just that during the meditation you have a thought and just dismiss it saying "That's just a negative thought, etc." At the time I found myself during the day starting to recognize random negative thoughts the same way and dismissing them in the same way. I think I was starting to get it.
However, I stopped for whatever reason, But I must begin again. Daily meditation. It can be another tool to shut up that AV in my head which was particularly strong yesterday. Thank you for that mental trigger! I'm excited about this new weapon in the fight.

N3p3nth3

I'm feeling pretty optimistic these days, but even if I have a few slips along the way, imagine how much better off I am without binging on a regular basis. Imagine how many brain cells I'm saving! How much better I feel about myself! Better not to think about relapse much. Even if it happens, we're better off on this healthier track.

Raider, I loved your comment about wondering why people would have one drink with dinner. For me, alcohol has NEVER been about the taste. It tastes like poison to me. It's all about the intoxication. So I too often wonder why in the world someone would just have one with a meal.

LDT

Sorry for the "tough love-ish" statement here, Raider, but I find that when people start thinking relapse is "inevitable", or a "part of recovery", it just opens the door to relapse. That kind of thinking paves the way and invites. Mr. or Mrs. AV right in. It's a cop-out....Relapse is not a part of recovery, nor is it inevitable. Lots of people stay sober without entertaining the idea of a relapse.

instant

There is a difference in drinking agin at 4 days and 24 yearssobriety. In my mind many of the posts relating to 'relapse' are occuring when the foundation of sobriety is very new. I was getting physical urges for months and my 'obsession' didn't settle down gor at least three months.

Once you have a good foundation- a person is as free to make bad choices as anyone. I put drinking again in the same category as having an affair, gambling big, speeding etc we can all do if we want to.

Marcher13

What's the point of life? You are born and then you die. Sorry Raider, I am being ironic.

Relapse is not inevitable. What is inevitable is that will be tempted to relapse, whether we do or don't depends on many factors, most of all our own mind speak.

The point? It's my belief that the whole point is to be better people than we were and to ease the path of someone else. It may not be a great thing I do, I'm not a doctor in Syria or a peace worker in the Middle East but I am a recovering alcoholic who can hold out a light for someone else. My light may not shine in your mind tonight Raider but it may be a beacon of hope to someone.

Croissant

Pam...we each have to find a way to wrap our head around our own approach to sobriety.

I must say, I relate to what you are saying - or have at some point. But not now - maybe that will change in the future, but if I'm constantly focused on the potential to fail, how can I win?

Statistics, will always be statistics. But they are not necessarily mine, nor your, story. 49% of marriages fail. Does that mean you may as well divorce tomorrow? 100% of us will die! should I throw myself under a bus now?

What is the path you hope to take? You don't seem happy with sobriety, and the slips here and there don't seem to bring you much joy either. You've got a lot on your plate right now, are you taking it back to basics and making sure you are taking time out to relax and look after you every day?

digdug

The point for me is that I don't want alcohol to kill me. It will if I drink again. And then point became to hold on to this wonderful life that I have created in sobriety.

Yes, early sobriety can be a struggle. Yes, people relapse. I haven't though. Do you know why I don't struggle minute to minute? Why I no longer fear relapse? Why I no longer crave or even ponder drinking besides mere passing, objective thoughts? It's because I HAVE treated the underlying illness of alcoholism. For me, it was working the 12 steps, but as you know, there are other ways too. But just ceasing the act of drinking and expecting a major perspective shift is wishful thinking at best, and dangerous thinking at worst.

If my side of the street is clean, I have nothing to fear. I don't worry about recovery rates. I don't question my own sobriety when someone I know goes back out. I just take care of myself, physically mentally and spiritually.

fini

Better not to think about relapse much. Even if it happens, we're better off on this healthier track.

N3,

not saying to obsess about possible relapse, but i do disagree with the above, and the rather flippant-sounding " a few slips along the way".

what served me well is to spend quite a bunch of time looking at what seems to lead to relapse, what seems to stop some from going there, what i think might happen to me based on what i know about myself from my past drinking history and patterns and returns to drinking when i didn't want to...that kind of thing.

relapse prevention is a subject well worth thinking of. it works

Wastinglife

I relapsed 3 times since rehab. But I never truly accepted that I was an alcoholic and could never drink again. These days I finally have accepted that reality.