Uncertain
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 1
Uncertain
Hi all,
I'm going to start by saying that I feel quite disloyal being here.
That being said, in the last few years, my husband's drinking has gotten to a point where I believe he could officially be called an alcoholic. He is very, very high functioning, so I'm pretty sure that he doesn't realize how serious the problem is. I don't know what to do. We've been together since I was 15, married for 30 years, raised our children, and are now on the verge of an empty nest (our youngest - 26 - still lives in our home with her 7 year-old son).
I grew up with an alcoholic Dad, who was sober for the last 10 years of his life. My husband saw it, and knows what it means; he promised me he would never become an alcoholic. I know I can hardly fall back on a promise that he made when he was 17, but I'm feeling overwhelmed and pissed that I need to have the "I think you have a problem" conversation with him. Right now, besides one conversation we had recently, we live a life of quiet avoidance. One thing I have to mention, is that the problem slowly developed throughout the last 12 years, while I was in the midst of developing a rare life-threatening disease (I was so sick), the diagnosis, brain surgery, and now, the never-ending recovery. A lot of stress, responsibility, and disappointment has been weighing him down, and I think this was the way he coped.
I want this to not be a problem. I don't want to deal with it, and quite frankly I'm concerned about the aftermath (will my marriage survive?). Plus, I feel as if I am the one who must address this with him. If I don't, no one will, and then the consequences of his heavy drinking (serious illness and/or death) will sit on my shoulders (he is also a diabetic that is currently not managing it). What I'm saying is: I feel morally responsible for helping him recognize his problem. What if I fail, what if I don't have the strength, energy, or balance that I'll need...
I don't know if it is appropriate for me to be here since, technically, there is no soberness, or recovery, going on. I know that no amount of 'drama' is going to change his behavior, but I'm not sure if I know how to help him. If anyone can point me in the right direction, I'd really appreciate the advice. Like I said, I feel guilty being here...I know he would be pissed to find out I'm sharing something about our private lives with complete strangers, on the internet. I just don't know where else to go since I'm fairly home-bound. Ugh. I don't want to do this!!
I'm going to start by saying that I feel quite disloyal being here.
That being said, in the last few years, my husband's drinking has gotten to a point where I believe he could officially be called an alcoholic. He is very, very high functioning, so I'm pretty sure that he doesn't realize how serious the problem is. I don't know what to do. We've been together since I was 15, married for 30 years, raised our children, and are now on the verge of an empty nest (our youngest - 26 - still lives in our home with her 7 year-old son).
I grew up with an alcoholic Dad, who was sober for the last 10 years of his life. My husband saw it, and knows what it means; he promised me he would never become an alcoholic. I know I can hardly fall back on a promise that he made when he was 17, but I'm feeling overwhelmed and pissed that I need to have the "I think you have a problem" conversation with him. Right now, besides one conversation we had recently, we live a life of quiet avoidance. One thing I have to mention, is that the problem slowly developed throughout the last 12 years, while I was in the midst of developing a rare life-threatening disease (I was so sick), the diagnosis, brain surgery, and now, the never-ending recovery. A lot of stress, responsibility, and disappointment has been weighing him down, and I think this was the way he coped.
I want this to not be a problem. I don't want to deal with it, and quite frankly I'm concerned about the aftermath (will my marriage survive?). Plus, I feel as if I am the one who must address this with him. If I don't, no one will, and then the consequences of his heavy drinking (serious illness and/or death) will sit on my shoulders (he is also a diabetic that is currently not managing it). What I'm saying is: I feel morally responsible for helping him recognize his problem. What if I fail, what if I don't have the strength, energy, or balance that I'll need...
I don't know if it is appropriate for me to be here since, technically, there is no soberness, or recovery, going on. I know that no amount of 'drama' is going to change his behavior, but I'm not sure if I know how to help him. If anyone can point me in the right direction, I'd really appreciate the advice. Like I said, I feel guilty being here...I know he would be pissed to find out I'm sharing something about our private lives with complete strangers, on the internet. I just don't know where else to go since I'm fairly home-bound. Ugh. I don't want to do this!!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
There is no need to feel guilty about being here.
I hope that your husband decides to seek support for his alcoholism.
As a support for yourself, you might check out AlAnon in your area, and there is also a forum on this board for Friends & Families:
http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/
I hope that your husband decides to seek support for his alcoholism.
As a support for yourself, you might check out AlAnon in your area, and there is also a forum on this board for Friends & Families:
http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
Hi BrownEyedGirl,
There is no question about whether it's appropriate or not for you to be here. You have a lot on your plate and you see something that is causing you a lot of concern. Your husbands drinking. Welcome to SR.
I recommend the family and friends section on SR. There are a lot of people who can help and provide support. Please stay and check it out.
There is no question about whether it's appropriate or not for you to be here. You have a lot on your plate and you see something that is causing you a lot of concern. Your husbands drinking. Welcome to SR.
I recommend the family and friends section on SR. There are a lot of people who can help and provide support. Please stay and check it out.
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