Thatdeliveryguy

Well, as of this morning and a court hearing my wife and I haven't done all we need for my daughter. Something I don't talk about, and don't feel appropriate to talk about is my wife, only in the most abstract of senseses has a a problem with alcohol too.

Right now is a trying time, our daughter has been removed from our family, and in this is a wake up call I and my wife have serious issues with alcohol.

As always, and with much debate with myself, I've decided to be open and honest about what is going on, my story isn't much unlike others, so its best in my opinion to tell it like it is and ask for help.

The court says, we need to go to counseling, get detox and or rehab, no drinking period, comply with request to both test us for alcohol consumption and or blood test us, AA, and or inpatient outpatient care, get jobs and any and all stipulations they have.

For me specifically, complying with any and all request the mental hospital has, taking my medication daily, getting counseling and no alcohol.

I've really debated being this honest about my situation with SR, this is a calculated decision to get help and support, this is a community of friend and a support group, so I am being honest with you all, and asking for support, please be supportive? I am doing this because I firmly believe in helping others and in the community spirit. I am doing this with much reservation and have completely placed myself and my situation out there, please respect that this is hard.

Thank you all, love you, Jeremy

Soberwolf

Hi J hope everything works out

SoberLeigh

You have our support, Jeremy, and then some. As difficult and heart-wrenching as this is, it may be a blessing in disguise - the chance to turn things around and live a great life - substance/alcohol free.

Rooting for you and your family, Jeremy.

Dee74

I think you'll find understanding and support here J.
A lot of people have had children removed for a variety of reasons.

It's best for you, best for your wife, and most of all best for your daughter, that you do everything they want you to do - we'll be with you in spirit.

D

EndGameNYC

It's a horrible thing to be stripped of our freedom, or otherwise have it restricted in any way. And I can't imagine the anguish that comes with having a child removed from anyone's home.

I'm not big on silver linings, though it's true that you now have an opportunity to bring your family back together; and an opportunity to focus all that energy you have on just one very important thing. As you make progress, as you heal, you will become the good husband and father you've always known you can be.

You do not, and you cannot, make things right all at once. You only need to work on your situation in every moment you're working on it, and no more. And you don't have to do it perfectly.

Perhaps the most important freedom you now have is the ability to bring yourself and your family back together. Stay together, Jeremy. Alone and together.

Hereandnow2

Jeremy, you are so brave to put yourself out there. It was the right thing to do. We care and do not judge you. Thank you for sharing. I know you will do what you need for your daughter. This is a great step forward!!

jryan19982

You are going to have to put some elbow grease into it my man but you'll come out of it having Mr Clean arms. Work hard, stay proactive, be upbeat, and dont beat yourself up too much. You dont live in the past, you live in the present which turns into the future. You can make that 180 turn and make your life the one you want it to be. You can change your future life, you cant change the past one, so live the present like know is right. Good luck. We are here for you.

Day 6- signing off...

Thatdeliveryguy

EndgameNYC, as always you tell it how it is, don't take prisoners and are raw in what you say and most intelligent.

This is about doing the right thing, rejoining my family, becoming a husband and father and doing what is right.

I always post platitudes, post superficial idealistic view, that is the world I want to live in , in recovery honestly it helps me to have some idealistic view of reality. However, there is " reality" and reality. My reality is my daughter is gone I am additive my wife is addictive and I want to regain custody.

Its hard for me, the court even said today, my wife and I aren't bad parents, we're addict and need help. They also said that, I am seeking help, but refusing the help I need, that hurt so bad. So now its about just complying and doing what is required, and what I need. Thank Endgame.

Marcher13

Jeremy your daughter will be in good hands, the court will make sure of that. Now you need to put yourself in good hands, reach out to the help that is there and get the addiction sorted. One step at a time.

FeenixxRising

Yes, it does sound like you will have a rough road ahead of you TDG; no one likes to be told what to do, especially by the government. However, I believe the journey will be well worth it. As SoberLeigh pointed out, this could be a blessing in disguise.

It sounds like you're onboard with all this, so that's good. Hopefully, your wife is on the same page as you.

LBrain

good luck jeremy, do your best, keep the faith

Mags1

You can do this, Jeremy

MythOfSisyphus

You can come through this stronger as a person and as a family. It could end up being a turning point, the point where you'll look back and say that was where things started getting better.

Alaskachick

Jeremy,

Opening up on SR was incredibly brave and you won’t regret doing it. You’ve asked for support and the SR community is the most supportive group I’ve ever come across. They may ask some tough questions but they don’t judge anyone. You’ve been given an opportunity to get healthy and sober so you can put your life and family back together and I know you can do it! I’ll be rooting for you every step of the way.

desypete

i will give it to you right down the middle tdg
my ex wife and i lost care of our 2 youngest kids and had the kids removed because of our drinking and our fights.
it was one of the most heart breaking things i ever had to suffer was watching the kids being picked up from home, by police and social workers, they just rushed it no time to hug the kids, the kids were screaming for mum and dad to save them and we couldnt

it was even more an excuse to carry on drinking and hating the cruel world that took our kids away
my ex and me would fight even worse now blaming each other for the loss of the kids the police would be getting called and we would even ring the police up on each other trying to get the other locked up for the night

still the drinking went on and on

we were allowed to see our kids 3 times a week and we ended up getting used to it
it was only when the social workers wanted to cut the contact down to 4 times per year that it really hit home
i was fighting hard to get them home as both there mum and me were good parents never hurt the kids and gave them all the love in the world except for when the drink took hold and we ended up in constant arguments over her unfaithfulness and anything else that would come up over and over again

we hated each other but couldnt be without each other

anyway long story short
only when i left her and got out on my own and came down to losing everything as my older kids didnt want to know me no one did as i was a 24 /7 drunk at this stage a total embarrassment for my older kids

once i got out of it all and ended up on my own and finaly gave in that i just couldnt drink anymore did i then enter the rooms of aa

the people there helped me and within a year i was able to get my kids out of care and my older kids came back to me

sadly my ex wife is still out there drinking i did try to help her but she just found herself another drunk to end up with
so the kids have lost there mum as its been 10 years now since all that happend and the kids have grown up and now have nothing to do with there mum which is sad as at one time she was a good mum

so the upshot is
are you going to face up to you and your drinking problem and get help ?
are you ready to get honest with youself and your drinking ?

are you willing to go to any lengths to not pick up that first drink ?

for me aa was the only way, i could really face myself.

dont worry about the god side of things as i dont believe in a god i believe aa works and thats all that matters
it must work as i am sober today and have my life back with my kids and even sober i have gone through some really hard things like losing my 16 year old to stomach cancer and staying sober
i am not a super man i could not have done this on my own without the help aa gave me and my sponsor

its there for anyone but sadly many only come or take the help once things have to so bad in life just like i did

now you can either make excuses and think i am not that bad or that i have a condtion that does this or that or you can start to work on you one day at a time and learn how

there are many paths to take in aa if your a god believer then all well and good but dont let that side of things put you off as with or without a god aa will work for anyone

good luck to you and i hope you can find the help i found

afloatsober

Jeremy
I spent my life including my childhood wanting and trying to be like 'other people' and what i thought THEY wanted me to be.
It was only when a fully accepted myself for who i actually am that i could begin to realize my potential.
Sober.
I am screwed up after a life of self deception and denial.
But i am slowly ridding myself of that baggage without the use of alcohol or drugs.
And putting something of me that is much better in it's place.
You can to.
And rebuild your family and self in time.
No judgement here.
Only my best wishes and support.
Keep it real from here on and be brave.
It will get better.
G

Spinach

Listen to the court, refusing the help you need.
Instead of going along with it open up to the ideas it might be really productive.
Wishing you all a good future and hoping your daughters not too disturbed by all this.
You never know given time you all may have such a better life because of it.
Wishing you all the best.
John.

EndGameNYC

Hi Jeremy.

I'm happy that you got something for yourself from my comments, but the pejorative implications in the "don't take prisoners" part is never my intent. I don't intend to hurt, criticize, or judge people, though I do understand how and why people can see it that way. And, like most people, I'm not always fully aware of or attentive to all my motives when I do post comments. I sometimes wish I could withdraw some of my comments.

Your personal process unfolded here over weeks and months and, for whatever reasons, I was drawn to give you the support I thought would be most helpful. This isn't the case with everyone here who's seeking support, but it's not my job to try to help everyone and, given the breadth of help that is needed here, it would be a foolish undertaking to try to accomplish such a thing. That you got reliable support from a number of people here is further testament to the value of SR, and of the power of support itself.

I think you and I came to an understanding along the way around what you wanted or needed and what I was willing to give. This is a difficult achievement under the best of interpersonal circumstances, and is often an extremely painful struggle when dealing with such emotionally-charged issues and when we are forced to work through such unwanted consequences as a result of our behaviors.

I'm making all these comments as a point of optimism for both of us. With all you've done here on SR, and all you've been through, no matter how difficult the current "outcomes" are, you've demonstrated an ability here to allow other people to help you (with, granted, a lot of goading, prodding, furstration and patience), as well as a capacity to work with others in finding a better way for yourself. This is such an important part of your prognosis that it may seem obvious or mundane to you and to some others who read it. Now, and if nothing else, you have a point of reference on which to build your supportive relationships down the line, beginning with your new treatment providers. You essentially know it can be done.

Although you will likely, and to a certain extent, resist suggestions from some of the people in whose care you've been placed (it's only natural), you also now know that there are consequences for doing so and that, in the long run, it's better to stop fighting so hard for or against issues that are not central to your recovery. Resistance is pain, and it often only makes things worse, if for no other reason than that it allows us to forestall inevitable healing, finding a better way for ourselves. Still, you also don't forfeit the right to complain if you don't get the help and support you need or, worse, if you're being mistreated by virtue of your status as a non-volunteer participant in your treatment plan.

Your counselors ought to be on intimate terms with the distortions of reality, thinking and feeling that accompany virtually all psychiatric syndromes, whether it's a simple fear of heights or severe and persistent psychopathology, along with the pain and suffering that comes with it. You need not fear being honest and open, and they've probably seen and worked with cases like yours, and much worse. Their inclination is (or should be) to put you in the best possible situation to succeed, and not to make judgments about you or make your circumstances worse. Just like here.

Although in a literal way it's not true, there's a saying that's been around for decades that goes like this: "The Chinese symbol for 'failure' is the same symbol for 'opportunity'." The power of this phrase stands on its own, regardless of it's dubious origins. What I've talked about here and elsewhere is that trauma provides an opportunity to (re-) create ourselves. A lot of folks in this thread have framed your current situation in this way, and I agree with them.

Whatever else happens, whatever else you do, you've got some very good people in your corner, and I don't see them jumping ship at any time.

readerbaby71

Mental illness and addiction sometimes go hand in hand. My parents took foster children when I was growing up and this was often the case. You and your wife CAN get better and repair your family. No judgement here. I wish you all the best. Much love, strength, and healing coming your way.

Thatdeliveryguy

I am ready to be proactive ready to take any and all suggestion and ready to be compliant in all things that are required of me.

I have had much resistance part of my distrust stems from my mental illness, part of my distrust or resistance stems from want to always be right and thinking I know everything ( I posted about that early this morning).

There comes a time when the rubber has to hit the pavement or as an addict you fall off the face of the earth. I've seen that progression in so many here, I am not going to abandon support, nor will I resist anymore.