heartorn

I posted yesterday about my heroine addicted son in rehab who is still trying to get me to pick him up.

He called once again tonight telling me there are drugs in the rehab and if I don't pick him up he is leaving and getting high as f.... well you get the idea. I told him he is manipulating me and that he needs to stay where he is because as long as he is pursuing his recovery I will help him and that he is being investigated for crimes he committed while he was using. I think that freaked him out as he immediately called his father who hung up on him.

I am trying the tough love thing. It is so hard to deny my child but also so hard to love the monster that has possessed my son. I think my son is not ready to be clean but I am not going to help him get out of rehab, if he wants to do that he can get someone else to do it.

I know I need narc anon or something but did not find a meeting in my area soon enough to help me through. I appreciate your opinions and advice.

EndGameNYC

Yeah, getting additional help would probably a good thing for you.

Life isn't a script; it's trial and error and improvisation. You're struggling with opposing instincts and, for now, you don't need to comply with his desire to hold you and your emotions hostage.

Briseis

I think you're doing the right think. I also think it's really, really hard

((Hugs))

Anna

I'm sorry that this is so hard for you.

I hope that your son will decide to seek support for his addiction.

heartorn

Wow Endgame "Life isn't a script; it's trial and error and improvisation. You're struggling with opposing instincts and, for now, you don't need to comply with his desire to hold you and your emotions hostage." You summed me up in one sentence. Thank you all for for your replies, any insight is one hundred percent appreciated.

Blood500

In my eyes your are doing the right thing. I am 27 now and have just over 18 months sober but I started the rehab stints when I was 17. Many a times I played the same game, having my family, friends whoever pick me up from rehabs for various, usually made up reasons. I have a amazing family and blame absolutely nothing on them but I might have gotten sober sooner without that safety net. Maybe not thou, but my path would have lead a different way, in the end I got sober when I had the true desire to do so. Even after my family stopped sending me around the country to rehabs spending thousands of $'s I still didn't accept the help being freely given to me. Us addicts & alcoholics will always find a way if we want to, what ever avenue that may be, whoever that may hurt, etc etc and on and on. I've been to the some of the best rehabs in the country and what some would call the worst ones in Detroit that I took myself to being my only option I could see at that point, guess what one I finally got sober after. I hope the best for you and your son, take care of you.

heartorn

Thank you so much blood500. I am glad for you and proud of you for finding your sobriety. I am also so thankful for your advice.