I had two drinks today. And I hated it...
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
Originally Posted by PolarBlue 
I'm not schizophrenic or anything.
For years, I really thought I could "think" my way out out of addiction. I really thought I could "figure" it out and cure myself. I thought I could "outthink" it. For me, the only way I can sort of use my head against it is by finally accepting it's actually in there. It doesn't just "go away" cause one day I decide to quit drinking.
Addiction "hijacks" your brain. It will take a sound mind and shake it all up and confuse the heck out of ya.
Your not schizophrenic...you just got addiction in your neural network. Start building up your artillery.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: New Orleans, LA
Posts: 985
I'm afraid your body has been infected by sobriety.
But it's like the nasty taste of that first cigarette after you've quit for a while. You say out loud to whoever is standing nearby " why, this tastes nasty! And it's making me dizzy!" in a tone of wonder & disgust. Then a mere day later you find yourself buying a pack at the store, and tucking them in your bag with a mixture of excitement & shame, and in moments you're a smoker again.... Ain't that strange...
But it's like the nasty taste of that first cigarette after you've quit for a while. You say out loud to whoever is standing nearby " why, this tastes nasty! And it's making me dizzy!" in a tone of wonder & disgust. Then a mere day later you find yourself buying a pack at the store, and tucking them in your bag with a mixture of excitement & shame, and in moments you're a smoker again.... Ain't that strange...
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 91
Turning **** into sugar
Originally Posted by PolarBlue
I thought I'd feel guilty about this, but I really don't.
I went to pick up my things from work and turn in my keys, and took the friend who helped me pick them up out for lunch. So we get to the restaurant and the first thing the waitress does is ask if we'd like to try the drink of the day. So, I went ahead and agreed. I wasn't craving alcohol or anything. Don't know why I agreed.
After the drink was gone I didn't feel right at all. I was kind of dizzy and hot. I kept saying, "My eyes feel like they're sweating." So I ordered a draft beer to see if it would balance me out, and I felt even worse. My heart began beating fast and I just felt "blah". Not a good feeling at all.
Now I'm home and I have no desire to drink. I think my body has finally said, "ENOUGH!". It did the same thing when I used to smoke pot. I stopped for a while, then I felt sick when I tried it again and never went back.
I'm not sure what this says about my health. I'm not sure why the alcohol didn't make me feel good like it normally does. I was the type who could drink all day and all night and enjoy it. Now two drinks does this?
Very odd, but I'm glad I had this reaction. That's not to say I'm safe now so my guard is still up. But the thought of drinking after today puts my stomach in knots. Apparently my body is rejecting it for whatever reason?
I went to pick up my things from work and turn in my keys, and took the friend who helped me pick them up out for lunch. So we get to the restaurant and the first thing the waitress does is ask if we'd like to try the drink of the day. So, I went ahead and agreed. I wasn't craving alcohol or anything. Don't know why I agreed.
After the drink was gone I didn't feel right at all. I was kind of dizzy and hot. I kept saying, "My eyes feel like they're sweating." So I ordered a draft beer to see if it would balance me out, and I felt even worse. My heart began beating fast and I just felt "blah". Not a good feeling at all.
Now I'm home and I have no desire to drink. I think my body has finally said, "ENOUGH!". It did the same thing when I used to smoke pot. I stopped for a while, then I felt sick when I tried it again and never went back.
I'm not sure what this says about my health. I'm not sure why the alcohol didn't make me feel good like it normally does. I was the type who could drink all day and all night and enjoy it. Now two drinks does this?
Very odd, but I'm glad I had this reaction. That's not to say I'm safe now so my guard is still up. But the thought of drinking after today puts my stomach in knots. Apparently my body is rejecting it for whatever reason?
Your body/mind is rejecting it probably because of what happened with your job. Every fibre of your being knows that it brought you a hugely negative experience and is wincing at that poison going into you and the possibility of another negative experience..
It's good you don't feel guilt. Guilt looks for punishment. How many people drink again...because they feel guilty about...drinking.
I don't think it's possible to make lasting positive changes if you (the general 'you') feels bad about yourself.
Reminds me of...(was it Carlito's Way?) Al Pacino 'Guilt is like a bag of rocks...who are you carrying that bag for?!!!!! Put it doooooown!!!!'
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