Thomasthetank

So I've been relapsing for the past few days, drinking after work. Something like 8 cans a night, so not as much as before. But I was still pretty hammered as my tolerance has fallen. Drunk enough so last night I couldn't remember my password for here.

Why did it happen? I guess I was still arrogant, part of me still felt I was bigger than this and I guess I wasn't ready to accept some harsh truths in order to stay sober. I thought I could handle it, well, I can't, couldn't and never will be able to.

I think it was Dee who said something about making a plan instead of just jumping into sobriety and hoping for the best. I'm gonna think about that today when my head levels (which I'm hoping will be before my shift at 6- don't worry, I'm a veteran of working hungover). I need to make a plan to be able to deal with depression and anxiety when I'm sober without just going straight to thinking about booze, because that's what screwed me, I had no replacement for dealing with those feelings and a person will only sit sad and scared for so long until they turn to the only thing which will temporarily make them feel better.

First things is getting to an aa meeting and to the doctor to help with these issues. This time I'm not going it alone. I'll be looking into other ways of dealing with my problems, maybe meditation, maybe changing my diet (I'm sure the litres of coffee I drink every day can't be helping my anxiety/sleep issues). But like I said, I'll sort that when I can think straight.

One last, painful decision is to break things off with my girlfriend, and not get depressed and drink over it. I've already organised to stay with my brother for a week after we break up. She wants me to drink and has pressured me to relapse and then keep drinking after that, I cannot be with somebody who has such a blatant disregard for my wellbeing.

I let myself down. But if I beat myself up I know I'll end up drinking today. So instead I'm just focusing on not drinking today, not hating myself, I'm not too bad a guy, I'm just flawed like everyone.

Today's a pretty dark, lonely time for me, so I appreciate your support.

Tom.

FreeOwl

in my own experience; AA, The Big Book and SR are a very good place to start your plan.

I'm sorry to hear you're suffering.... but I'm glad your suffering has led you back here already.

This can be the beginning of your Amazing Turnaround Story and your New Life Of Joy.

If you want it, and you ACT on it.

Blood500

Glad your back, sounds like you have some good options, have some faith in yourself you can do it.

Anna

Hi Thomas,

I'm glad you're back and making a plan. That's the way to go and don't forget that you can always get support here.

I'm sorry about you needing to break up with your girlfriend but it does sound like a toxic relationship. Good plan to stay with your brother.

razor15

Hi Tom, thanks for sharing here. It sounds like you know what you need to do, and though it's tough, we will all support you. I hope your day improves, and stay away from that booze tonight. That cycle of hangover, work, drink I know very well and I know it was hard to break. It does get easier, for me as quickly as 3-4 days, so I wish you well.

nmd

Sorry you are going through a rough spot, but it sounds like you are doing what you need to do. It is hard, but you can also start to feel better. Good luck and stick around!

Jupiters

hey Tom, glad you're back.

sounds like you have a some hard things coming up with the dissolve of a relationship, but good for you for seeing that if you want to stay sober, you can't do it with this individual. I hope that goes a little more smoothly than you think.
Feel better and take care of you before work

Gilmer

You're choosing wisely, Thomas.

Altoids

Howdy friend. Glad you are here. Sounds like you already have a good plan. Medical supervision, diet changes, getting away from a toxic person. . . Like Gilmer said, you are choosing wisely.

Thomasthetank

Thanks guys, this has really helped me feel less alone.

denphen

Sorry to hear you relapsed and I've never been an addict of anything but it's all around me and has been my whole life. I hope you find the strength to stay away from it and maybe when your feeling down or anxiety talk to someone or post here first maybe it will talk to you down from it.

anattaboy

Good Plan! Glad to see you back.

Mrrryah1

A meeting is a great idea. Between AA and SR you will find unlimited support to help you through those tough times! Congrats on making the decision

denphen

my dad has drank my whole life and my husband is a recovering drug addict but also still continues to drink I know what you go thru isn't easy

BeBetterforkids

Hi there - welcome back. Sounds like you know what you need to do and have a solid plan. we are all here for you!!

Nuudawn

Exactly. Great insight there Tom. Sobriety truly is a grand and rewarding adventure..but man, at times it's friggin' hard as hell. It is pure wisdom to realize that we need tools and resources to change our lives..to help us make this grand yet enormous change.

Dropping the drink without any thought as to what we will do with ourselves when sad, lonely, happy, bored..when a craving upends us...is well, just plain old stupid and foolhardy. If we have been routinely and abusively drinking for a long time...we have to RESPECT that sobriety is going to take effort...a lot of it.

All the best Tom..it sounds like you've hit the answers now. Glad you're back..and here.

Dee74

Sounds like the makings of a good plan there Tom.
Welcome back

D