21 years old and feeling lost
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 31
21 years old and feeling lost
Been about 16 days clean from all drugs (DOC being opiates). I've been sorta thinking about my future lately, as I've been ignoring it for so long. Basically I live at home with my parents (very dependent on them), have no job right now, and I need one more high school course to get my diploma and officially graduate. I plan on getting that course done in January, then enrolling in university or college in September 2015. I'll be 22 then.
I guess I'm just sorta depressed about how I'm behind some of my peers, and my brothers. I am the oldest of my 2 other brothers, but I am the "f**k up". They are both 19 and 16, have cars (which I don't), and the 19 year old is upgrading his high school right now. Also a couple of my good childhood friends are almost done, or well on their way through university. If i go to university in September 2015 I may be there for 3-4 years so I won't be 26 until i get out! ****.
Pretty much the only thing I feel I am on top of is bodybuilding. I am really into the gym n working out and am super dedicated to it. I guess right now being sober as well. But I hate how I feel so much lesser to people my age and far behind. I think that's part of the reason I go so hard at the gym because then I can say "Well I look better/ am stronger then them". But obviously there's a ton of other reasons as to why I workout too.
I really wanna improve my self worth and wanna build a future for myself so maybe I can one day have a wife or at least something to offer a women. It's just hard right now because I really cant do my schooling until january so I basically gotta wait it out until then. I guess I could get a part time job somewhere but its hard to get motivated because it'll probably be some crappy grunt type work a high school kid could do....Lol I know I sound like a total p***y, but i guess thats what I am because since I was 16 I've basically been running away from my life while under the comfort of my parents roof.
Idk. I know i'm all over the place with this, just had to vent tho. See I get so stressed out about this that I almost forget that the reason I am behind is because I have a DRUG PROBLEM. I know my number one priority has to be to stay sober or I will have nothing. The problem with that though is I know I can tend to use it as an excuse. Like instead of going out of my comfort zone and doing new things I tell myself "It doesn't matter what you do as long as you are sober"....and while that's not a horrible way to think for early recovery it definitely is in the long run.
Anyways, I won't make this any longer. Just had to vent.
I guess I'm just sorta depressed about how I'm behind some of my peers, and my brothers. I am the oldest of my 2 other brothers, but I am the "f**k up". They are both 19 and 16, have cars (which I don't), and the 19 year old is upgrading his high school right now. Also a couple of my good childhood friends are almost done, or well on their way through university. If i go to university in September 2015 I may be there for 3-4 years so I won't be 26 until i get out! ****.
Pretty much the only thing I feel I am on top of is bodybuilding. I am really into the gym n working out and am super dedicated to it. I guess right now being sober as well. But I hate how I feel so much lesser to people my age and far behind. I think that's part of the reason I go so hard at the gym because then I can say "Well I look better/ am stronger then them". But obviously there's a ton of other reasons as to why I workout too.
I really wanna improve my self worth and wanna build a future for myself so maybe I can one day have a wife or at least something to offer a women. It's just hard right now because I really cant do my schooling until january so I basically gotta wait it out until then. I guess I could get a part time job somewhere but its hard to get motivated because it'll probably be some crappy grunt type work a high school kid could do....Lol I know I sound like a total p***y, but i guess thats what I am because since I was 16 I've basically been running away from my life while under the comfort of my parents roof.
Idk. I know i'm all over the place with this, just had to vent tho. See I get so stressed out about this that I almost forget that the reason I am behind is because I have a DRUG PROBLEM. I know my number one priority has to be to stay sober or I will have nothing. The problem with that though is I know I can tend to use it as an excuse. Like instead of going out of my comfort zone and doing new things I tell myself "It doesn't matter what you do as long as you are sober"....and while that's not a horrible way to think for early recovery it definitely is in the long run.
Anyways, I won't make this any longer. Just had to vent.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Northampton
Posts: 97
well done young man! hey, of course your concerned about falling behind and that's healthy but not numbing yourself with drugs is your main concern now. it takes awhile for the mind, body to heal so don't rush it. I suggest you volunteer your time and labor to help others and develop some new skills.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
well you're making the biggest and best step toward your goals that you possibly could by getting clean!
Congratulations on that.
On the other stuff and on feeling "behind" - never mind your peers. Life isn't a race. It can feel that way because our gone-crazy society drives a madness of comparison and 'keeping up' with expectations that is wholly insane.
Do you know how OLD you'll be when you _______________________ at this point????
yeah... exactly as old as you'd be if you don't.
Don't let this stuff get you down. You are so darn young and you have a tremendous timeline ahead of you. Trust me my friend, you are not "behind". You are 21 and making a decision to clean up your addictions and to better yourself. Guess what? That makes you ahead. Way ahead.
Be good to yourself, care for yourself, don't worry about doing things for others and being attractive to a woman. If you focus on honoring your SELF and exploring what you love and bettering yourself - all of that will follow, I promise.
Welcome.
Congratulations on that.
On the other stuff and on feeling "behind" - never mind your peers. Life isn't a race. It can feel that way because our gone-crazy society drives a madness of comparison and 'keeping up' with expectations that is wholly insane.
Do you know how OLD you'll be when you _______________________ at this point????
yeah... exactly as old as you'd be if you don't.
Don't let this stuff get you down. You are so darn young and you have a tremendous timeline ahead of you. Trust me my friend, you are not "behind". You are 21 and making a decision to clean up your addictions and to better yourself. Guess what? That makes you ahead. Way ahead.
Be good to yourself, care for yourself, don't worry about doing things for others and being attractive to a woman. If you focus on honoring your SELF and exploring what you love and bettering yourself - all of that will follow, I promise.
Welcome.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 819
Freeowl took the words right out of my mouth. You say you wouldn't get your degree until you are 26-well, you are going to be 26 anyways. You can be 26 witth a degree or without one. College isn't just for the 18-22 yr olds. Some people take time off before starting,some people go part time so it takes longer to get a degree and there are many older folks who start late.
Congrats on 16 days sober!
Congrats on 16 days sober!
Thankful for this community
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Ontario
Posts: 371
I'm 43 and have had the opportunity to do my fair share of cool things in life so far. I did them for me, and not for others. I did them when they felt right, not on a timeline. You have so much to look forward to and accomplish during the your time on this planet! Don't beat yourself up on this. Just keep your eye on your prize and keep focused on your health and happiness.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Florida
Posts: 554
bud....i"m 49. I wish I was living home with my parents and could choose a different career. I say, take it, run with it... YOU have everything at your doorstep now. I do also, but I also have 6 mouths to feed, clothe, educate, etc... you can do anything. YOU can be a brain surgeon. YOU can be president. (lets face it anyone can get the job now). ) I know I'll face crap for that statement....... LIVE it .. DO what you want. TAKE guitar, Take Chinese cooking...anything.. just DO IT.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Trenzalore
Posts: 90
Hooray for 16 days!
As for being behind your peers, etc-- here's a secret: it doesn't matter! We all have our own paths, our own rates of maturity. You're still baking! You're really only ever in competition with yourself. If you try to compete w/ others, you'll only end up frustrated, depressed, and perhaps even using again, because there's ALWAYS going to be someone out there "better" than you. Far better to be the best you possible. You can do it!
As for being behind your peers, etc-- here's a secret: it doesn't matter! We all have our own paths, our own rates of maturity. You're still baking! You're really only ever in competition with yourself. If you try to compete w/ others, you'll only end up frustrated, depressed, and perhaps even using again, because there's ALWAYS going to be someone out there "better" than you. Far better to be the best you possible. You can do it!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: De
Posts: 1,333
Great job on the 16 days! I came into recovery one month short of my 18th birthday and a 10th grade drop out. After a few months of just cleaning up, I set some goals for myself. The top one was education. But, I needed something to fill all my extra time not using so my first job was pumping gas at a gas station. (That was back in the 1970's when they still did things like that). I also took classes to get a GED. That I got after a few months.
Getting into college was another big challenge. I was required to start part time to prove myself. I also had to getting a better paying job to pay for it. That took two years. It was tough but I hung in there. When I finally got admitted full time I found most of those courses wouldn't apply to my major so it was 4 years of college. I had to work, get grants and loans but I did it.
The biggest kick in the balls was when I graduated, my chosen career choice job market was in the crapper so there was no jobs to be had. I got a job through a temp agency cleaning rat and animal cages for a big corporation research facility. I kept a good attitude know ing something would eventually turn up and 8 months later it did.
Now 30 years later, I'm still there. Married, financially secure and able to retire in 5 years. My one daughter just graduated in the spring and working, with no debt, and my youngest has 2 to go and the money is there to pay for it, along with our retirement.
Don't use, work hard, and when the going get tough, hang it there. It will get better. I owe it all to The Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous and the 12 Steps. Narcotics Anonymous works the same. Those lost years don't matter. They were just a small time frame of my life.
Getting into college was another big challenge. I was required to start part time to prove myself. I also had to getting a better paying job to pay for it. That took two years. It was tough but I hung in there. When I finally got admitted full time I found most of those courses wouldn't apply to my major so it was 4 years of college. I had to work, get grants and loans but I did it.
The biggest kick in the balls was when I graduated, my chosen career choice job market was in the crapper so there was no jobs to be had. I got a job through a temp agency cleaning rat and animal cages for a big corporation research facility. I kept a good attitude know ing something would eventually turn up and 8 months later it did.
Now 30 years later, I'm still there. Married, financially secure and able to retire in 5 years. My one daughter just graduated in the spring and working, with no debt, and my youngest has 2 to go and the money is there to pay for it, along with our retirement.
Don't use, work hard, and when the going get tough, hang it there. It will get better. I owe it all to The Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous and the 12 Steps. Narcotics Anonymous works the same. Those lost years don't matter. They were just a small time frame of my life.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
