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Im fixing me...my fiance is a drunk

Old 09-24-2014, 08:24 PM
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Im fixing me...my fiance is a drunk

Sigh...I did my two weeks, slipped and drank, now I'm on day 2, no problem. I get home and can't find my fiancé. I looked everywhere. Finally I head to the basement where he is curled up in fetal position in front of the Woodburning stove. The stove is open, fire is going (he is lucky he didn't burn our house down). I asked " what the hell are you doing??!!" And he responds incoherently with the voice of Donald Duck. I wish he stayed down there. But unfortunately he lays here snoring now and stinking of beer. I'm disgusted but know there is nothing I can do about it. I'm going to sleep on the couch tonight. I'm just grossed out. If this is what I have to see, I have no problem staying sober. I'm going to work on ME. The rest will follow. One thing at a time, one thing at a time...
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Old 09-24-2014, 09:14 PM
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Hang in there sister! Stale beer smelly guy is indeed -well- unattractive in sobriety. You stay on your path! It's a lovely one (and it smells good too).
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Old 09-24-2014, 11:21 PM
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Good job venting here CG. That's what we're here for. Ugh...your frustration and disgust is completely understandable.
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Old 09-25-2014, 03:19 AM
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Ugh heart core and nuudawn, thanks for listening. It was kind of comical but I have slept. It's now 6 am and I can only say "good" in my mind as I hear him sick in many ways this morning in the bathroom. He doesn't remember a thing.
Funny story: my mom called me yesterday. Her husband drinks a half gallon (no joke) of whiskey a night. He blacks out constantly. She started buying herself flowers and thanks him for them and he honestly believes he buys her flowers once a week. She goes so far as to write herself cards from him to go with the flowers!
You can't help anyone, they have to want to on their own
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Old 09-25-2014, 04:46 AM
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oh my!
yes, CG...focus on you and not Donald Duck!!
(I'm sorry, that made me laugh! )
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Old 09-25-2014, 07:13 AM
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It IS funny...hey, at least it ain't me!
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Old 09-25-2014, 07:37 AM
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What admirable qualities does he possess to make you say yes to getting married?
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Old 09-25-2014, 07:45 AM
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Originally Posted by countrygirl2014 View Post
Sigh...I did my two weeks, slipped and drank, now I'm on day 2, no problem. I get home and can't find my fiancé. I looked everywhere. Finally I head to the basement where he is curled up in fetal position in front of the Woodburning stove. The stove is open, fire is going (he is lucky he didn't burn our house down). I asked " what the hell are you doing??!!" And he responds incoherently with the voice of Donald Duck. I wish he stayed down there. But unfortunately he lays here snoring now and stinking of beer. I'm disgusted but know there is nothing I can do about it. I'm going to sleep on the couch tonight. I'm just grossed out. If this is what I have to see, I have no problem staying sober. I'm going to work on ME. The rest will follow. One thing at a time, one thing at a time...
Yes! Focus on you........desire and willingness are the keys that unlock the gate!

Remember warning labels we find daily in our lives with fiancé - Don't get near open flame!

peace
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Old 09-25-2014, 07:48 AM
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Hi CG,
Definitely work on you. And don't rush into marriage (I noticed you said fiancé). I think we tend to chose people who have similar habits to ours as it is a comfort zone where we won't be judged. Sounds like you are changing your habits, but unless he too wants to make a change in his, this behavior from him is what you have to look forward to if you marry him. Chose wisely.
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Old 09-25-2014, 07:52 AM
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After getting even a few days sober I can find myself judging others for stuff I was doing just days ago! Not saying you don't have a legitimate complaint but keep your guard up. Also does your fiancé feel the same way you do about sobriety?
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Old 09-25-2014, 09:30 AM
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I know what you mean about judging. Let's just say, there is no date set, I'm focused on me and basically doing an inventory on me and my life.
As far as what I see in him...ugh. Well, being freshly sober it's like someone dropped a dead thing at my feet and now I'm trying to figure out what it is. It's amazing what I did not notice while drunk.
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Old 09-25-2014, 10:27 AM
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Countrygirl -

"As far as what I see in him...ugh. Well, being freshly sober it's like someone dropped a dead thing at my feet and now I'm trying to figure out what it is. It's amazing what I did not notice while drunk."

Ha!! I had exactly the same experience. Found a "great love" during my relapse. Such a great love that I not only loved him greatly, but paraded him all around my community and introduced him to all my friends and posted pictures of him on my facebook labelled "my beloved" and scrolled photos of him on my phone at work during breaks just so I could look at his amazing face when I wasn't with him...

Then. I. Got. Sober. You described it perfectly. Someone dropped a deal thing at my feet and now I'm trying to discover what it is...

It lasted a couple of weeks after that. I kept scanning his face, trying to understand what I had felt just a mere couple of weeks ago. The stale beer smell permeated the blankets of my bed.

Needless to say, I am stumped when EVERYONE in my life asks me "how are things going with your super love?" Since I don't discuss my sobriety with everyone in town, I just say "well, that was a very fun summer love, but once the leaves started to turn, I realized it wasn't a good fit for me over the winter." Which makes me sound shallow and seasonal... oh well. This is Alaska. If someone's not right for you, you actually do get rid of them before winter.

One wise work friend noted "yeah, he was a transitional love." That makes sense to me. Now, sometimes, that's what I answer.
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Old 09-25-2014, 10:33 AM
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Countrygirl if your bf cant get sober leave

its not on i dont know but it sounds like your really trying here

if your bf is in ur house kick him out when he is like this

worked for me
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Old 09-25-2014, 10:44 AM
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Would it be offside to offer a word of caution about the fiance? It's not that I'm defending him in any way, just suggesting our brains are just starting to clear up in these early days and perhaps some good solid communication can continue to make things better for your relationship. I must assume there must be some good there outside of a shared drinking habit.
Why do I think I'm about to get lynched??? Lol
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Old 09-25-2014, 10:53 AM
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CG - I didn't count that one beer you had. I gave you a pass for what its worth because I am confident you will stay sober. One of my favorite quotes when it comes to getting married:

Don't proceed out to sea in a boat that's starting to take on water at the dock.
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Old 09-25-2014, 09:28 PM
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Lots of wonderful advice on here! Well, we have a house together, daughter, vehicles, dog and chickens...either one of us leaving is not possible at this time. Thankfully, we do have tons more in common then drinking. I'll deal with him after me. Otherwise I will be the "nag" and only make it worse.
I count the drink but physically and mentally, Spirit let me have that mistake because it feels like it didn't happen. My mind is chatty but it's quieting down, I have more energy than I know what to do with, and I am straight up feeling ALIVE!
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Old 09-25-2014, 09:32 PM
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I have taken advice to meditate, pray, find new hobbies and I just feel crazy good. I have no desire to taste alcohol, the AV sucks. Tonight it was pestering me. It seems to know when it's supposed to get "fed". But it was tolerable. Hopefully it doesn't get louder tomorrow. I will come up with a new plan to combat it
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