Fishinainteasy

So my pattern is basically go a day or two then drink. Swear it off forever then drink again. The part that bothers me is that I feel so motivated and positive then slip up somehow. Overconfidence? Making deals with myself. Just can't get any long time sobriety and I've been trying for two years. Made 2 weeks a few times and made it a month once. My doc gave me some antabuse. I've taken it twice before. It was the only thing to keep me sober more than a week. I guess I need to be involved in a program? I just feel doomed to repeat this hellish cycle. I have too much to live for. As I'm typing this I have no desire to drink but in a day or two? Who knows? It sucks and I'm getting really tired of myself. It's almost like I switch into this completely different person before I can even attempt to get a fighting chance. Any help or advise is appreciated.

least

Have you ever considered using AA or one of the many recovery programs out there? What about counseling or outpatient therapy? SR is a great help to a lot of us.

I see a counselor and come to SR daily and it's been keeping me sober for going on five years now.

MariahGayle

Glad you posted Fishin & that you are here. I'm the queen of relapse so know you are not alone in this. I just know for me, it is NEVER something I can give up on & having had periods of sobriety, I know it is the life I want. What type of support do you have?

Fishinainteasy

I feel like I have no choice but to seek a recovery program. I keep convincing myself I can do it alone but that's obviously not working. I'm not sure I quite understand how much work this takes. Problem with insurance now but loved my therapist. Hope to get back soon.

Hawks

You have described my drinking to a tee.

I tried for 7 years to get my drinking under control.

I tried so hard for an upward spiral, but it kept going downward.

It is very very demoralising

Fishinainteasy

It really does break you down. Takes all I've got to try again. I'm kind of a loner and really don't want to go to a group but nothing else is working. Who knows once I get started I'll probably like it. Plus I need to get out more. I spend too much time just sitting around worrying and thinking.

Soberwolf

relapse is part of your addiction not part of your recovery

make changes each relapse because something is obviously going wrong

if you want this to work you must focus on your recovery

Soberwolf

50 Essential Tips To Help You Stay Clean And Sober

Fishinainteasy

Thanks soberwolf

Hawks

I think the hardest and most baffling thing for me was that I had stood on my own two feet and sorted out my other problems all my life.

Why couldn't I sort out this alcohol thing too??

7 years of trying, one step forward but two steps back, I finally decided to seek face to face help.

That was a good start

Nonsensical

I used to think I was making deals with myself, but I was mistaken. I was making deals with my addiction. After about 25 years I figured out it never kept it's end of the deal. It just lied to me to get what it wanted. I had to stop playing it's game and make it play mine.

You can do this.

LSC1

Check out AVRT (Addictive Voice Recognition Technique) . There is a link on this site somewhere. But just google the on-line crash course. I found it really helpful in early sobriety and still rely on it from time to time.

Meraviglioso

I am exactly the same way. I string together a number of days then relapse. I am due to get a prescription for antabuse myself. I just need to wait for my bloodwork to come back and if everything is fine my doctor said she will prescribe it for me. I am hoping that I can stay on that for a few months to build up some sober time and work on full immersion into the sober life. I too am tired of this cycle. Do you mind telling me about your experience with antabuse?

Dee74

Sopme great advice here.

Coming to SR really helped me - it helped to know that others understood and it helped that there was support here 24/7.

It also helped immeasurably to post as much as I could...either about my own struggle or helping others with theres.

When those urges came again my rationalisations weren't as successful, because I'd involved others in my struggle

D

Jeremiah2911

You are me. I can echo everything you said BUT I have been two weeks without wine and that's the longest time in two years. I tried AA and it didn't work for me (not to say that it couldn't for you-just that you said you're not much of a group person). SR and my counselor is what is keeping me going! I have also found a friend here who private messages me and she is such a help.
Keep coming back. Hang around in the forums and read people's posts. You will find that you are so NOT alone. You can do this.

Soberwolf

Keep on trying never give up

Fishinainteasy

Thank you everyone. Mera.. Although I enjoyed the sober time I got on antabuse, I found myself counting down the days to drink again and just stopped taking it which tells me I need to get to the root of the problem. When I took it I didn't go to aa or celebrate recovery because I knew I couldn't drink anyway. Try to avoid that thought process. I will be going to AA today and possibly celebrate recovery tonight. CR only meets Thursday night around here. I'd much rather go to something during the day but that's me. All the work I need to do seems overwhelming but it's obviously what I need.

Fishinainteasy

Kids are in school. I was gonna start some cardio at the gym after my meeting but am gonna give myself a day or 2 to detox. Instead after aa I'm going to hike one if my favorite rivers and go fly fishing in grizzly country...with my dog and of course... Bear spray. Be back to post later.

Mrrryah1

AA

That is all.

Longpasttime

Thanks for this thread and the responses. I am on the same friggin merry-go-round. I drank (hammered of course) yesterday so today i have no desire to drink. I convince myself i dont need to go to a meeting, that it would be better to go on a day that I am fighting the urge. By tomorrow or next day the plan has changed to drinking again. Rinse, repeat. Sick of it.
Thanks again, I needed to see this and really need to read it again tomorrow