30 days... I think I just screwed up.
 

OK so firstly, it's my 30 days today. Loving it. etc. etc.

I hate this. I can tell everybody in my life I'm doing the sober thing, except for my boss. I've drank with him and with him & clients numerous times, etc. etc.... I've been fired from jobs before for having a drinking problem, and I just don't think that it's appropriate for him to know.... etc. etc. but he LOVES to drink, and he loves taking me/clients/me & clients for booze filled lunches, his atmosphere is always just classy wine classy scotch booze booze booze.

UGH I JUST AWKWARDLY SOLVED MY OWN PROBLEM MID-SENTANCE. That was awful. Worse than I even expected.

Anyways, here's what happened.

It's my 2 year anniversary at my job today, and I mentioned it to my boss. He said well we have to go for lunch then! (Immediately I'm like -crap - why did I mention it. This is totally an excuse for a booze filled lunch.)

Sure enough, this morning he casually strolls by my desk (note that I am very intimidated by this man - he's very professional & confident, smart, etc. etc. and I look up to him - plus he's my boss) and mentions "So - I was thinking such and such restaurant.... they happen to have a LOVELY wine list...." with a big smirk on his face (I think he was expecting me to be totally excited about this). So here's where I screwed up - I said "Awesome! Sounds good!" When really inside my stomach was churning and I was thinking "Dear god how do I get out of this one."

So while I was typing this post, I decided to blurt out "OH CRAP - I CAN'T DRINK - I'M ON ANTIBIOTICS - BUT Uh... I can.... Eat....???"

*silence from his office*

"Uh.......... Oh..... Okay..... I'll check out some other places" he says.

SO AWKWARDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

But a near miss. For sure.

Now I just screwed up even more. I decided to complain to my other co-worker about how "awww I'm on antibiotics and Boss man was going to take me for such a nice wine lunch" (I wanted him to overhear this - make my story more believable).

So of course - she says - "Well just postpone it until next week!!!!!"

He says "Good idea!"

I say "Yes - Good idea!"

OMG NOW WHAT AGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGH.

That's sort of funny. Well done for handling in a sensible way.

What a tangled web we weave....This is a case where honesty may have been the best answer but it is hard to know what to do some times.

You can compound the lie in a week and tell him the antibiotics were not working and the doctor ordered a new regimen but that does not get you out of the lunch. It may get postponed, again!

So why you can use the new drug excuse I would also suggest you encourage the lunch to happen ASAP or just flat out tell him you have stopped drinking and would prefer a non-alcoholic lunch.

Better yet, you could explain that since you are not drinking that it will save him money and with that money he could just get some pizza for the whole office to share instead. Win WIN!

LOL oh M.
the thing about the "lie" - is how long are you going to be able to keep that up? You can't be on anti-biotics forever right?
At some point, you need to come up with something that will remove the invitations for a booze fueled lunch for good. Or it's just going to be a continued cycle of you lying :(

How ironic...we are so used to lying about drinking...now we have to lie about not drinking?! Serenity now! ;-)

I thought this was a bit hilarious as well.
Oh how the tables have turned eh?!

I totally agree Jupe - I wish I had come up with a long term excuse, but in the moment it was all I could think of, and I was panicking.

I can just always say I'm on "meds" that don't allow drinking - because it's actually the truth (I'm on anti-D anti-A medication and you're technically not supposed to drink on it - although I always did before.)

Now I've convinced him we should go for sushi (I LOVE sushi - not only the food itself but the fact that it's a totally acceptable work lunch that DOES NOT involve drinks - other than matcha tea at the table & water :))

Yay sushi!!

M - you need to come up with something that you will be comfortable with (if you don't want him to know about your past/drinking issues)...something that will STOP all future invites for lunch that is booze related.
My concern is, the longer the lying, the more chance of trouble b/c at some point, you'll feel bad about the lies. We all know where that goes.

awesome!!!!!

What a tangled web indeed.

A simple 'No, thanks' should suffice.

My coworkers love craft drinks and we always head to the pub every week. Have alcohol on hand, spirits and beer, in our office right next to our desks. It's very much a part of the culture.

It was really hard for me at first. I told everyone I had eliminated it from my diet to lose some weight. And after a few months I did lose a ton of weight after I stopped drinking. Then I said I would just keep it going because it felt so good.

Eventually I came out to my boss and a few coworkers as an alcoholic. By then, everyone had gotten the idea that i didn't drink and it was really no big deal, relatively speaking. Those first few months going to the pub and pretending I didn't care were brutal. Absolutely brutal. It killed me to be sitting there while everyone was drinking.

In hindsight, I wish I had just told my boss and coworkers as soon as I felt stable/comfortable with the thought. If they can't accept it, it's their problem.

You can try what I told my golf buddies. I told them my liver numbers were bad and I've decided to stop drinking. They never questioned me. If down the road if they ask, I'll tell them. I've decided to quit for good since it's improved my health and I want to keep it that way. While I believe honesty is best in most cases, I don't feel like telling them I'm a recovering alcoholic.

BTW, congrats on reaching 30 days. I recently passed that milestone and I feel great!

Time to start being honest say im an alcoholic

well done on 30 days thats fantastic massive hugs mrrryah !!

your really doing this well done you

I think honesty is the best policy or if you must go try and make it October and tell him you are doing the charity soberforoctober? I know this is a stupid idea but all i could think off.

I don't think you screwed up I think you did fantastic!

I tried a bunch of variations on being semi honest. In the end it was just too much work. No one I work with knows I'm in recovery but if it should ever come up I would just say alcohol and me do not get along so I don't drink

Just be honest with your boss and say I was drinking to much so I decided to quit

hmmmmm, quite the quandary.

I am big believer in honesty, ( that may not be true - but I am working on it!) but.....

What about stating this;
Ya know, I have found since I haven't been drinking I sleep and feel so much better and it makes me more productive! Think I'll stick with this for awhile.......

I don't think you screwed up either. I have to say, your post did make me laugh, the way you described the situation, I got a visual of it. (oops sorry)

I honestly don't get why some, don't GET IT, when a person says, no thanks I don't drink, without having to explain it, or THINK we need to explain it.

Stand your ground, keep up the great job!!

Kudos on 30 days. WAY TO GO!!

Just say "I haven't had a drink in a month and I feel fantastic." That's honest, right?

Bunnez

Can you really just say that you've stopped drinking and decided to keep it that way because you feel much better without alcohol? Your antibiotics excuse might fit into this perfectly - you did not drink while on them and now don't want to. Being polite and making no more lies - who can argue with someone wanting to improve their well-being? I would not tell coworkers and a boss that I am an alcoholic, though, after getting sober. Just say you don't drink, period. You do not owe colleagues explanations to your lifestyle choices. This way you only need to say it once and then no additional talk necessary.

Enjoy the sushi - I love it too! :)

I believe in being honest about this everywhere but at work.
Work is different.
You have an established drinking relationship with him. He will obviously take note of the change if you simply say youre not drinking. That might make him really uneasy around you.
He's not a close friend, he's a boss. Tell him what will make both of you comfortable. I like pakman's liver numbers idea, makes you look kinda tough and proactive at the same time.

Exactly BlueHour!!!

But my "medication doesn't allow drinking" also works - because it's actually true. I'm sure I will be on these Anti-D Anti-A meds for at least a year or two, he can't "argue it" or peer pressure me to drink while on medication (I'm sure he wouldn't).

I want to keep a comfortable, professional relationship with him. Unfortunately this relationship has already been based largely around drinking - but it's not a personal relationship, he's my boss. I think me telling him, while yes, it would be uncomfortable for me, would also be largely uncomfortable for him and our future dealings with one another.

He already knows I "love to drink" so making an excuse like "I'm on a diet" or something like that would probably lead to some peer pressure from him - it wouldn't be a solid enough excuse.

Thanks all for the feedback and glad I had SR to help me through that near miss!!

Another sushi fan here...

I agree with the above. We're all improvising, attempting creative ways to redefine ourselves. We can't use the same explanation for all the folks in our lives, because we fill different roles in different situations, so we're experimenting.

I have told very few people that I'm not drinking because of alcoholism. While for many in recovery, their alcoholism and turmoil were very visible while they were drinking, that was not the case for me. Conscious of maintaining career and reputation, I had a public side that drank normally and a private life that involved secretive drinking - mostly always at night, in my own home, etc. For me to identify as a recovering alcoholic, I would have to publicly identify as an alcoholic, and I'm not willing to do that.

Now, I could be incorrect in my assumptions of how work people would perceive that information, but I'm pretty sure I'm not. Overall (at least in my world), alcoholism is associated with poor work ethics and the potential to be dishonest (embezzle, lie about hours, etc.). I am an honorable and trustworthy worker, but wouldn't want to take on all that scrutiny.

I love the "my liver numbers were high, so I've stopped drinking..." one. It shows that when faced with a reality/problem, I take action. That is what I want my employer to think of me. There would be no argument, because any more-than-moderate drinker who is getting older has that fear (liver damage).

I also like the "I stopped for the antibiotics, but - to tell you the truth - I feel so much more healthy and productive, that I'm going to stick with it." It's a good way to take the antibiotics line long-term, but I suspect that other drinkers would still try to offer/seduce, because it feels really optional.

I recognize that it would feel freeing to just "be all me" and come out as an alcoholic across my life environments, but at the same time, I have many aspects of my identity and I don't really want that one to be the "go to" first-on-the-list that people think about. Even if I leave this job, a reputation as an alcoholic will follow me across this very sparsely populated state. It would cause people to think twice before hiring me for responsible positions, fearful that I could relapse. Maybe if I lived in a large community, I would be more willing to take that risk.

I speak all this because I think it is important that we accept the inner conflict about this and not feel embarrassed that it is awkward. We'll make lots of mistakes as we navigate professionally and socially within our new reality.

Back in the day, when I was a homeless addict girl, dragging myself off the streets through the support of treatment and NA, I told everyone who would listen that I was in recovery. I had nothing to lost. I was radiant with pride. I could only go up.

Now, I've spent decades building a professional reputation, and I have a lot to lose. That is real. I'm not ready to lose it. I spend a fair amount of thought energy on how to most be myself publically inside not telling the whole truth about my personal life/choices.

I totally feel you on this one...I'm struggling with the exact same thing. My co-workers know me as someone who loves to drink and it's been awkward coming up with excuses on all kinds of different occasions why I'm not drinking.
I think you handled the lunch really well...good for you!!

I know everyone says that honesty is the best policy but I kindly beg to differ when it's a work relationship. In my opinion, telling a boss you are an alcoholic just sets you up for so much potentially damaging situations. I would be afraid that it could be used later against me...for example, say I call in sick with the flu...he's going to think I'm hungover and can't come in. Or if I mention meeting friends out after work to someone else in the office and he overhears it...will he think I fell off? I dunno...I just don't think it's a good idea. Then again, just my opinion of course :)

I agree with many others on this thread. . . work is not the place to announce being alcoholic. It can backfire BIG time on you. I know this from personal experience.

BTW - I think you handled it really well and congrats on 30 days.