Planning the next drink
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Oregon
Posts: 1,536
Planning the next drink
It was kinda strange this morning that I noticed my AV planning out when I could have the next drink. I heard in my head this morning "when you get back from the family trip . . . . " Sheesh! I wonder how long THAT had been floating around in there before I noticed it? It also makes me wonder what else the sneaky evil beast is silently plotting.
Grabbed my AV swatter and squashed that little bugger again.
One of my commitments to myself is that I would tell when I noticed a trigger or an AV thought. So I'm fessing up.
Story: last time I fessed up to the AV planning out a drink, a friend of mine with 20+ years sober realized she has been planning her next drink for years. Her husband is much older than she and she realized that when he died, she could drink again and nobody would blame her. Oh.My.God. . . IT actually has thoughts like that. "when my husband dies, I can drink." How insane is THAT? Yes, dear friends, the AV is pure insanity.
Praying we all notice the AV for what it is and that we squash it Every.Single.Time. it raises it's ugly voice.
Now I'm off to celebrate my life by buying a replace light fixture for my kitchen work area. THAT's real living right there.
Grabbed my AV swatter and squashed that little bugger again.
One of my commitments to myself is that I would tell when I noticed a trigger or an AV thought. So I'm fessing up.
Story: last time I fessed up to the AV planning out a drink, a friend of mine with 20+ years sober realized she has been planning her next drink for years. Her husband is much older than she and she realized that when he died, she could drink again and nobody would blame her. Oh.My.God. . . IT actually has thoughts like that. "when my husband dies, I can drink." How insane is THAT? Yes, dear friends, the AV is pure insanity.
Praying we all notice the AV for what it is and that we squash it Every.Single.Time. it raises it's ugly voice.
Now I'm off to celebrate my life by buying a replace light fixture for my kitchen work area. THAT's real living right there.
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
Well done, Altoids. It seems that your friend with all that sober time, still hasn't committed to quitting alcohol for good. Planning that next drink for years, waiting for her spouse to die so she can resume drinking, really shows that this is more than just AV. She has said as much as that she would be drinking right now if there were nobody there to 'blame her'.
Drinking because I thought I could 'get away' with it or because nobody would blame me, is a thing I have done already. There is nothing there for me anymore.
You, Altoids, on the other hand have made that AV to be separate from self, and I think that's a good thing. This will keep you sober when nobody is watching, and when nobody would blame you for drinking. Onward!
Drinking because I thought I could 'get away' with it or because nobody would blame me, is a thing I have done already. There is nothing there for me anymore.
You, Altoids, on the other hand have made that AV to be separate from self, and I think that's a good thing. This will keep you sober when nobody is watching, and when nobody would blame you for drinking. Onward!
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Originally Posted by Altoids 
It was kinda strange this morning that I noticed my AV planning out when I could have the next drink. I heard in my head this morning "when you get back from the family trip . . . . " Sheesh! I wonder how long THAT had been floating around in there before I noticed it? It also makes me wonder what else the sneaky evil beast is silently plotting.
Grabbed my AV swatter and squashed that little bugger again.
One of my commitments to myself is that I would tell when I noticed a trigger or an AV thought. So I'm fessing up.
Story: last time I fessed up to the AV planning out a drink, a friend of mine with 20+ years sober realized she has been planning her next drink for years. Her husband is much older than she and she realized that when he died, she could drink again and nobody would blame her. Oh.My.God. . . IT actually has thoughts like that. "when my husband dies, I can drink." How insane is THAT? Yes, dear friends, the AV is pure insanity.
Praying we all notice the AV for what it is and that we squash it Every.Single.Time. it raises it's ugly voice.
Now I'm off to celebrate my life by buying a replace light fixture for my kitchen work area. THAT's real living right there.
Grabbed my AV swatter and squashed that little bugger again.
One of my commitments to myself is that I would tell when I noticed a trigger or an AV thought. So I'm fessing up.
Story: last time I fessed up to the AV planning out a drink, a friend of mine with 20+ years sober realized she has been planning her next drink for years. Her husband is much older than she and she realized that when he died, she could drink again and nobody would blame her. Oh.My.God. . . IT actually has thoughts like that. "when my husband dies, I can drink." How insane is THAT? Yes, dear friends, the AV is pure insanity.
Praying we all notice the AV for what it is and that we squash it Every.Single.Time. it raises it's ugly voice.
Now I'm off to celebrate my life by buying a replace light fixture for my kitchen work area. THAT's real living right there.
It's sad, but my Dad was sober for many years - when my Mom passed he started drinking immediately. He was several years older than she and never thought she'd pass first - early 60's.
Not sure if this was in his mind all the time to drink again someday, but I will say the results were disastrous and quick. I have been told by old timers if a person starts again after many years of sobriety there brain tells em/remembers how the use to drink but their body cannot handle it. True in my Dad's case.
Glad you shared this about the AV's plan. My brother commented to me - sober 10 + years after being on/off with length of sobriety, that somewhere in his head even after he quit there was a plan someday to drink again before his last relapse. He warned me of this which I took to heart.
Great post!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,872
Our AVs are cunning and relentless; they know us well - after all, we trained them. It seems that we can never take a vacation from vigilance and self-awareness. Ingress that is why an alcoholic is always in recovery.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Scotland
Posts: 379
Well done Altoids! I really like your strategy of telling us if you catch your AV saying something insane - I might do that myself in fact.
I can completely relate to your friend and the 'when my husband dies, I can drink' thing. I sometimes find myself vaguely wishing some horrible catastrophe would happen so that I could drink and no-one would stop me. I'm guessing that's a pretty common thought process for people on here, though it's awful to admit.
I'm working and wanting and willing myself sober so that I can start a family and have my life back, but there's a little voice in there somewhere that says 'Psst - in 25 years' time, when you're in your mid-fifties, you'll be able to drink as much as you want'. Okay that's great AV, I'll just make a note of that in my diary...
I can completely relate to your friend and the 'when my husband dies, I can drink' thing. I sometimes find myself vaguely wishing some horrible catastrophe would happen so that I could drink and no-one would stop me. I'm guessing that's a pretty common thought process for people on here, though it's awful to admit.
I'm working and wanting and willing myself sober so that I can start a family and have my life back, but there's a little voice in there somewhere that says 'Psst - in 25 years' time, when you're in your mid-fifties, you'll be able to drink as much as you want'. Okay that's great AV, I'll just make a note of that in my diary...
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 167
I like the idea of an AV swatter. Good post. I didn't know what AV was until I joined this site. My AV convinced me I could drink in moderation - boy do I feel foolish. The damn thing is so convincing. Next time it pops in my head I will give it a good swatting.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
I once read that addiction essentially "hijacks the brain"..and for me when "craving hits" that's what's happening...my brain is being "hijacked". "I" don't want a drink..my "addiction" does. That's why the AV concept is so very helpful to me... and that's why I am not fond of the AA adage "my best thinking got me here"....NO..my addiction got me here..not my best self.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 550
Great info. You know I had the same feeling earlier. I almost felt sick to my stomach. I sat for a minute and thought why am I feeling bad all of a sudden. After just a little while without drinking it was almost a foreign feeling.
Then I realized my AV thinks I'm about to have a drink. I thought, I'm to tired for this and just went about my evening. It really is a good feeling to identify it and push it away
Then I realized my AV thinks I'm about to have a drink. I thought, I'm to tired for this and just went about my evening. It really is a good feeling to identify it and push it away
Love it Altoids!!!
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
I think I am a bit different than some and maybe it is just semantics.
I know for a fact that if I drink again I will die. I also know that I can not drink like other people but I can not guarantee I will never drink.
I made it through my daughters illness and death sober by doing what I do everyday. Each day I knew alcohol was not an option and that I wanted to live more than I wanted to drink.
My only plan is to do tomorrow what I did today
I know for a fact that if I drink again I will die. I also know that I can not drink like other people but I can not guarantee I will never drink.
I made it through my daughters illness and death sober by doing what I do everyday. Each day I knew alcohol was not an option and that I wanted to live more than I wanted to drink.
My only plan is to do tomorrow what I did today
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Oregon
Posts: 1,536
I made it through my daughters illness and death sober by doing what I do everyday. Each day I knew alcohol was not an option and that I wanted to live more than I wanted to drink.
Doesn't it feel great to get on here and fess up? So much strength to draw from on the board! Glad you shared!
And now I'm happily drinking my newest concoction - a pumpkin pie smoothie. Happy tummy, happy taste buds, lots of great vitamins, very low in calories. I love my life.
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