Nowsthetime

All around me... Don't we all have problems? I'm just annoyed seeing people feeling sorry for themselves. Am I supposed to feel compassion for someone who does nothing to help themselves? One of my friends was complaining about her life and then told me "I wish you were still drinking so that we could go to a bar" I said "I can still go, I just will not drink" she goes "it's not the same"... What?!?! I am handling my business, taking care of myself, doing what is in MY power to make my life better. I don't want to hear people's pity party. You make you own bed and lay in it! Please, let's take responsibility for our actions and snap out of the pity party. Everyone has problems, our problems are not what makes us special. How we handle then is!

Venting rant over! I'm not drinking but I am very annoyed!

tambdy

Hey well said, i will be the first to admit i am in this camp at the moment but your right best get the head down and get through it.

3arai

Ntt

You can always distance yourself from some people.
I found there were people I just didn't really like when sober. Also, I don't go to bars and clubs with the intent of not drinking, I skip it altogether. At worst, it's a temptation. At best, it's pointless.

Don't let people eat up your time with incessant whining. I've been there, and I don't miss them.

Fly N Buy

Terminal uniqueness is a common issue, even among us who are on the right path! " I know you have problems, but LISTEN to mine!"

Old joke -
Why don't friends want to hear your problems?
Because 90% don't care

And the other 10% are GLAD you have them!

PolarBlue

I have a cousin who used to party a lot. She eventually started going to church and stopped drinking all together. Some of her former "friends" don't associate with her anymore.

Maybe that's for the best. I know a few people that I only drank with, and I doubt they'd want to hang out with me now. Nor me them. If you think about it, if all you have in common with someone is drinking, do you really like each other? Hell I could have fun with my worst enemy if I was drunk. And I have.

Anna

I found that I had to distance myself from the 'pity party' people when I stopped drinking. You may find yourself seeking out friends with a more positive attitude.

bunnezjp

I have found that, for me, its very easy to look down at people with pitty-party attitudes. I'm working on not doing that, but I think its an annoying outlook, especially when it seems to be all they know but won't do anything to resolve the issues. I can either listen, or do something else. If they need to drink or whatever over it, okay then.

A little OT Nowsthetime, the line about your friend "wishing you still drank so you two can go to the bar" caught me. My dad told me early in my Sobriety " It really bothers me that you can never drink again." I was like, REALLY? I thought, who says that? I chalked it up to bizarre things people say to you in Sobriety. Meh...

Bunnez

Soberwolf

Glad you got that off your chest

Thatdeliveryguy

Amen! "Acentuate the positive eliminate the negative" they say. For better or worse I've been working on being the most positive over blown over joyous person I can find. At the moment I am over playing that role, but I need and want positive and happiness in a sober life.

However, I understand we have to have compassion for those that are still addicted, sounds like your friend is still addicted to me. You can be a positive influence on them in a negative place you know. When they say negative things about life or whatever turn the argument on its head and try to make it positive. You might just help a friend, and still live the positive place you want to.

hopeful4

Sounds like a crappy friend.

Nowsthetime

Ok, I'm feeling better now. I'm with TDG, only positivity. I am getting too wrapped up on other's actions when I should just be worried about myself. What made me really mad is that I am the same when I'm sober (as far as being fun, loud, whatever) and it hurts me that she isn't supportive when she knows A LOT of my drinking story. Oh well. It's so true that feelings pass but it is interesting to hear my AV commenting in my head. Sneaky little tramp!!!

Thepatman

Yikes! Almost a pity party about pity parties! LOL!

Nowsthetime

Yep! The Patman got it right. Arghhhhh!

Briseis

A good method I've found is to try to direct the attitude back to the person giving it. I have a couple of friends who are fairly negative in nature and seem to only want to wallow in it. I'll listen for a bit, acknowledge feelings, but if the conversation gets stuck in a downward spiral of negativity I usually abruptly change the subject. It works most of the time.

There's the added bonus of that same individual not bugging me with their perpetual "issues" for at least a few weeks or so before I hear anything else ridiculous.

Cecilia44

Misery loves company. I know, I used to be one of them.

GracieLou

I would not mind so much if that at least had real cake and ice cream!

The longer I am sober the less I tend to complain but I notice that does not go for the people around me. I have one friend that still drinks and no matter when I talk to him it is complain, whine, moan.

They love to play victim. I am about ready to tell him to carry around his own body chalk! Geez

PurpleKnight

Better a good vent than reaching for a drink, posting really does help!!

ghostdad

If it was your AV talking it would be saying "maybe she's on to something, you should listen to her". There are a lot of fun things you and your friend can do other than go to a bar. I personally try to stay out of situations where alcohol is in surround sound.