Birthday fail
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: California
Posts: 236
Birthday fail
As I posted here not long ago, I feared that not drinking on my birthday would be tough during the beginning of attempting to get sober. I had to work Sunday so I was able to dodge the friends who reached out earlier in the day. However, by the time I'd gotten home and made a couple excuses that I was busy to a few more, I finally gave in to one of them. So, the feelings of regret have surfaced again today as I desperately want to stop drinking again. I believe that it should be easier now that my birthday is over with now but I blame only myself. I have to want sobriety bad enough and I kno that it's basically the only thing I want right now besides happiness, which I believe one will lead to another anyway. I also think it's crucial for me to check in here everyday until I can surround myself with sober people in my everyday activities because as of right now, all of the "friends" that I have are drinkers.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,371
There'll always be a reason to drink SHH. It was a daily thing for me...can't quit cos...whatever.
To break the wheel I really needed a plan, a solid support base and a willingness to ask for help before it was too late.
If I could do it you could too.
Think about what you've been doing to stay sober - then think about things you could add to that?
D
To break the wheel I really needed a plan, a solid support base and a willingness to ask for help before it was too late.
If I could do it you could too.
Think about what you've been doing to stay sober - then think about things you could add to that?
D
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
There's always going to be an "occasion", weddings, invites to other people's birthdays, weddings, funerals, Xmas and New Years aren't too far away.
Building a new Sober life is going to take carving out a new lifestyle, something that is stronger than what time of the year or what day of the week it is!!
You can do this!!
Building a new Sober life is going to take carving out a new lifestyle, something that is stronger than what time of the year or what day of the week it is!!
You can do this!!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
I was going to say the same thing everyone else said. There will always be a reason to drink. Halloween is coming up. That's a big drinking day. After that is Christmas and New Years. In between is life. Birthdays, weddings, funerals, successes and failures at work. Babies being born. Football season, a baseball game, vacations, I stubbed my big toe, it's raining, it's sunny, it's cold, it's hot, I'm bored, Wow! I'm having a great time!.... You get the picture.
You get and stay sober despite all that life throws you, good and bad. You don't drink no matter what. I cannot entertain the idea of having alcohol as part of my life. It was hard not to reach out to my old fallback when I reached some milestone in life. I missed it. But I don't miss waking up feeling ashamed and afraid and anxious and sick. What kind of plan do you have? What kind of support do you have? Having those things was vital to me. I couldn't have done it without them. Keep going. Hang in there.
You get and stay sober despite all that life throws you, good and bad. You don't drink no matter what. I cannot entertain the idea of having alcohol as part of my life. It was hard not to reach out to my old fallback when I reached some milestone in life. I missed it. But I don't miss waking up feeling ashamed and afraid and anxious and sick. What kind of plan do you have? What kind of support do you have? Having those things was vital to me. I couldn't have done it without them. Keep going. Hang in there.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 349
Love your post Ruby, especially the part about stubbing your big toe. 
Funny.
It is so true Sober, that you need to have a plan and life will happen. You need to figure out what to do to get and stay sober and follow through. I know for me, there was never the perfect day to quit. You just have to take the leap.
Hugs.
Funny.It is so true Sober, that you need to have a plan and life will happen. You need to figure out what to do to get and stay sober and follow through. I know for me, there was never the perfect day to quit. You just have to take the leap.
Hugs.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
I agree with all that's been said.
Until I had support, a plan for those ever-present "things that come up", a true and deep resolve to remain sober and took daily actions to solidify it all.... I got nowhere. There was always another excuse. Another "just this time". Another event or occasion.
It also, honestly, took getting to a point of being absolutely fed up with it and also to a point where loved ones around me were issuing ultimatums and I was just barely dodging serious troubles in my life.
I hope you don't have to get to that point.
Until I had support, a plan for those ever-present "things that come up", a true and deep resolve to remain sober and took daily actions to solidify it all.... I got nowhere. There was always another excuse. Another "just this time". Another event or occasion.
It also, honestly, took getting to a point of being absolutely fed up with it and also to a point where loved ones around me were issuing ultimatums and I was just barely dodging serious troubles in my life.
I hope you don't have to get to that point.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,469
I think it's a mistake to believe it will be easier now that your birthday is over.
As others have said, there is always a reason to drink and never a good time to stop.
I hope you do what you need to do to get sober.
As others have said, there is always a reason to drink and never a good time to stop.
I hope you do what you need to do to get sober.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 126
Yes, it is tough in your early days of sobriety to be in drinking situations with drinking friends. Best to avoid that situation like the plague. But like others have said, there WILL be a time, in weeks, months, even years to come that you will be placed in that setting. This helped me. I practiced in my mind looking one of my drinking friends in the face and saying "No none for me today. I'm quitting for a while." No excused needed. I would sit in a quite room and say to my self various phrases that say the same thing. "No, I am not drinking today." "No thanks, I'll pass" "Just water please".
It really helped when it came time for the real thing. The matter of dealing with still drinking friends in my early days was tough. But I got passed it (and you can too) and now they actually keep teas and soft drinks in their fridge for me. It was TOUGH, but worth it. Remember, there is a difference between friends that drink, and drinking buddies. I still have friends that drink a lot, but don't hang out with drinking buddies. Good Luck, Be Strong.
It really helped when it came time for the real thing. The matter of dealing with still drinking friends in my early days was tough. But I got passed it (and you can too) and now they actually keep teas and soft drinks in their fridge for me. It was TOUGH, but worth it. Remember, there is a difference between friends that drink, and drinking buddies. I still have friends that drink a lot, but don't hang out with drinking buddies. Good Luck, Be Strong.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
totally agree with all of that!
thinking it out and visualizing it ahead of time made a big difference for me.
having a plan, right down to the specific words I would use. Envisioning myself at dinner with colleagues, at a bonfire with friends, at a BBQ, a business after hours mixer.... all of them, picturing myself saying no thank you and specifically what I would drink instead.
At first it was scary and awkward but the visualization and planning made a huge difference. It got easier the more I did it and build a new habit and realized not that many people even really noticed or cared.
In conrast, every time I just vaguely thought "I'm not going to drink" but didn't have a specific plan or visualization of how I'd deal with it - I wound up drinking and regretting.
thinking it out and visualizing it ahead of time made a big difference for me.
having a plan, right down to the specific words I would use. Envisioning myself at dinner with colleagues, at a bonfire with friends, at a BBQ, a business after hours mixer.... all of them, picturing myself saying no thank you and specifically what I would drink instead.
At first it was scary and awkward but the visualization and planning made a huge difference. It got easier the more I did it and build a new habit and realized not that many people even really noticed or cared.
In conrast, every time I just vaguely thought "I'm not going to drink" but didn't have a specific plan or visualization of how I'd deal with it - I wound up drinking and regretting.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Allentown,pa
Posts: 396
Glad your back, don't beat your self up you may have needed this lesson like i did. My first attempt I went 83 day and I felt untouchable then 84 I gave in and drank. Since then I realized how much I really do want and need this change. I'm learning how to counter my av and remind my self that drinking make me depressed and I don't need that. You can do this
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Get back on track....Agree with the wisdom posted of others. It's not people, places, events that make us drink, it's US!
Sunday I celebrated my first sober birthday in many, many years. It took me way to long to get to a point where the Willingness to stay sober became more important to me than anything else.
I am not judging you by any means - I have zero moral high ground. But, it is possible to get through life's milestones without the celebration turning to what kills us - body, mind and spirit.
Keep on truckin, and make a new plan stan.....
peace
Sunday I celebrated my first sober birthday in many, many years. It took me way to long to get to a point where the Willingness to stay sober became more important to me than anything else.
I am not judging you by any means - I have zero moral high ground. But, it is possible to get through life's milestones without the celebration turning to what kills us - body, mind and spirit.
Keep on truckin, and make a new plan stan.....
peace
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