Drank again
 

I am volunteering in Peru currently and I told myself I was not going to drink here. I drank last evening first by myself and then more with a friend. I blacked out eventually and do not remember the last 2 hours or so of the evening. I know nothing bad happened and that I managed to not get in any trouble thankfully. But today I am definitely feeling regret and guilt. Sometimes like right now the day after I drink I do not understand why I must feel so bad about it. In the past I never felt regret when I drank in excess. I suppose ever since I came to the belief that I have a problem with alcohol and began working on curbing the behavior, the regret happens because I do the opposite of what I know is better for me. My previous sobriety date was Aug. 9...so I was around 6 weeks sober this time. It has been a little over a year since I knew something needed to change and that I have a problem. I cannot remember how many times I have drank in the past year and said never again after each time. The longest I have been sober is three months but I seemingly cannot fully break the cycle. I do not know. I just know I feel like I let myself and others down by drinking. It is difficult to explain but I just wish I had more time under my belt. I know time takes time though and I cannot keep up with this cycle.

Hi Only
Are you currently working any steps? Gotta a sponsor? How badly do you want sobriety? & regardless of where in the world, recovery should be first on agenda. Hang around SR for continued support but get working on AA(just my suggestion) ASAP

Welcome aboard onlyme :)

I think finding support is a major part of the battle :)
You'll certainly find that here...and a few ideas too :)

Glad you've joined us :)

D

Hi Onlyme.

Welcome to SR

Hi and welcome.
It sounds like you’re trying like me and many others “we don’t know what we don’t know.”
You seem to realize that there is a problem, = it will not get better, only worse if we continue to drink alcohol. We also need to accept that we cannot drink in safety and if we drink all bets are off. We needed to recognize that moderation hardly ever works if we are alcoholic.
I and millions got our sobriety in AA along with many reading these posts, whatever it takes to not drink.

BE WELL

Welcome to sober recovery

I found acceptance was key. Accepting myself for who I am, warts and all. This took me 9 months of sobriety before I truly accepted things but when I did things became easier. I tried all the programs and built my program around AA's 12 steps.

Hi OnlyMe, welcome to SR. I never tried to stop drinking once I realized I had a problem. I only had a vague hope that the next time would be different. It was only after my life started falling apart did I do anything about it. You at least have tried and gotten some sober time in. Six weeks. Three months. That's great! Better than I managed. It was only after I got active about quitting did anything change. Going to AA meetings. Reaching out for support and telling people I was struggling. Living consciously instead of functioning on autopilot and reaching for alcohol out of habit.

You can do it. Joining here is a good step. If you can't get to or find AA meetings near you for face to face support, post here.

Hi OnlyMe. A lot of quitting is admitting you have a problem. I think it sounds like you are still questioning it when you say: Sometimes like right now the day after I drink I do not understand why I must feel so bad about it. In the past I never felt regret when I drank in excess.

Once we truly admit to ourselves we have a problem, I find it gets a lot easier. For me, one drink is too many and 100 not enough. I think you know in your heart you have a problem and you have had some sober time because of that. Trying it again and again doesn't make it any better, only worse. It is impossible to go back in time to how it once was. If you are truly an alcoholic then you get one of two choices, drink and succumb to all that goes with it, or quit. I choose quitting.

Hugs and welcome. :ring

this is a good place to come for support and growth. you will learn a lot here, if you spend the time and pay attention.

in the stories and experiences of others, you will see pieces of your own story. Some of it you may have already acknowledged. Other stuff, maybe you'll only recognize in yourself after seeing it someone else.

It takes time and effort for us to learn to see what's really going on with our addiction. And then it takes time and effort and real action to break the cycle and build new patterns of living.

but, it does work and it does get better and you will one day (if you continue to work at it) find yourself amazed at how wonderful life is and even sometimes utterly perplexed at the person you once were with alcohol as a haze over everything.

welcome.

I Hope you can et better xx

Welcome to the Forum!! :wave: