The difference between an 'urge' and a 'trigger'
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Scotland
Posts: 379
The difference between an 'urge' and a 'trigger'
Hi all, I'm on Day 13 today and so far it has been going well. I've only had one serious urge to drink, and I fought that off a few days ago. I feel stronger for having fought it.
I've accepted that there will often be urges to drink as I continue with sobriety - they are there because I have a drinking problem, full stop. Actual triggers, though, are a whole different ball game. A serious trigger for me down the years has been my mother and her behaviour, and I have worked hard to make her understand the effect she can have on me, and for the last while she really seemed to have understood. But today she backslid, and I was on the receiving end of two long, semi-coherent, paranoid and distressing emails. All the old symptoms bubbled up in me at once: panic, shaking, nausea, anxiety, all the things that have sent me out for a bottle of wine in the past to calm myself.
I'm trying not to act on any of this, but it is much, much harder than fighting off a mere 'urge' to drink. I feel helpless at times like this. I'm on my own until my husband gets back from work in three hours
Anyway advice or encouragement would be great.
I've accepted that there will often be urges to drink as I continue with sobriety - they are there because I have a drinking problem, full stop. Actual triggers, though, are a whole different ball game. A serious trigger for me down the years has been my mother and her behaviour, and I have worked hard to make her understand the effect she can have on me, and for the last while she really seemed to have understood. But today she backslid, and I was on the receiving end of two long, semi-coherent, paranoid and distressing emails. All the old symptoms bubbled up in me at once: panic, shaking, nausea, anxiety, all the things that have sent me out for a bottle of wine in the past to calm myself.
I'm trying not to act on any of this, but it is much, much harder than fighting off a mere 'urge' to drink. I feel helpless at times like this. I'm on my own until my husband gets back from work in three hours
Anyway advice or encouragement would be great.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Oregon
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See the e-mails for what they are, "semi-coherent, paranoid and distressing emails" written by someone who is having issues. Her issues are not yours. Step back, look at what you have done in your sobriety, and close the e-mails. You do not need to respond to them or react to them. Take care of you first!
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I think that boundaries are SO important when dealing with someone or something that is a trigger. It might be a good idea to not read your mother's emails and not contact her for awhile. When you feel more confident in your recovery, you might want to change your boundaries or not. Toxic people take too much energy to deal with, in my opinion.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Scotland
Posts: 379
Thanks for the replies. I've just been to a Dr's appointment (unrelated matter), which took me past my local shop twice. I could have gone in for some wine; I contemplated it. I didn't, though. I'm back home now. I do still feel torn, but I survived the crucial moment and didn't just bolt for the shop door.
Anna, I have cut off contact with my mother in the past, but now isn't quite the right time for that - it would cause a lot of hurt, and that wouldn't make me feel better. Later on, I will calmly write to her reminding her that she can't unload on me like that because it's bad for our relationship and my health. Really am white-knuckling it at the moment.
Anna, I have cut off contact with my mother in the past, but now isn't quite the right time for that - it would cause a lot of hurt, and that wouldn't make me feel better. Later on, I will calmly write to her reminding her that she can't unload on me like that because it's bad for our relationship and my health. Really am white-knuckling it at the moment.
Sober since October
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: In the world in my eyes...Somewhere I've never been before...
Posts: 7,355
Hi, Snowbunting!
First, congrats on 13 days of sobriety.
I'd compare an urge with a bullet, while a trigger is what it is - mechanism which sets of the bullet.
Urge is that crippling, wounding bullet that BSing you to pick up a drink, occupies your thoughts.
But good news is that your "finger" is required to fire a bullet, i.e. to transform a trigger into an urge.
I second Anna. My relationships with my family was a huge trigger, and I cut off all the contacts in order to maintain my sanity.
Your sobriety is priority #1 right now. When you are strong and mature in being sober, then you can take care of other issues. One step at a time, on foot in front of another.
Stay strong.
And best wishes to you.
First, congrats on 13 days of sobriety.
I'd compare an urge with a bullet, while a trigger is what it is - mechanism which sets of the bullet.
Urge is that crippling, wounding bullet that BSing you to pick up a drink, occupies your thoughts.
But good news is that your "finger" is required to fire a bullet, i.e. to transform a trigger into an urge.
I second Anna. My relationships with my family was a huge trigger, and I cut off all the contacts in order to maintain my sanity.
Your sobriety is priority #1 right now. When you are strong and mature in being sober, then you can take care of other issues. One step at a time, on foot in front of another.
Stay strong.
And best wishes to you.
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