erin8

I was cooking dinner and he left to get a bottle after I asked him to at least wait til I was gone. He didnt. I seriously entertained the idea but ... im at my aa meeting 20 min early. I ... am at a loss for words. I'd hate myself for drinking but I WANT it so bad. I stopped for a reason...

erin8

I dont know if im gonna make it forever

Dee74

Just make it day by day for now if that's easier Erin

I did it that way and eventually I saw all those days were really forever anyway...but I had to work up to it.

Many of our members here deal with spouses who drink - it's tough, but it's not a deal breaker.

You'll always find support here

D

erin8

I really miss spending time with him. Even if it was only getting drunk together

Soberwolf

lets just get through tonight were all here erin your bf is seriously uncaring

maybe dont see him for a while if he asks why give it to him straight

dont think of forever think of now your at aa share get it off your chest spk to some ppl who you may relate to in the mtn

many a thing solved with a cup of tea and a conversation

hang in there

well done on not drinking big hugs

erin8

Thanks sober wolf but he is my husband, not just a boyfriend. The father of my child and we live together so its impossible not to see him at all.

Nuudawn

So you only spend time together...drinking? Erin...stay sober today. The ^^^^ above scares me a little. Your AV is giving you quite a painful little ultimatum here. You saying you have no relationship if you're sober?

erin8

Im not usually sober so not really

Hawks

I did the 90 meetings in 90 days thing & my wife said one night "I miss you, at least when you had a can in your hand, you were here"

He'll be missing you too. He wants his drinking buddy back.

But ..... keeping on drinking, if you drink alcoholically, will very very likely separate you anyway .... and very likely permanently.

I know its tough ... but temporary pain for long term gain.

3arai

Wow Erin that is a difficult spot to be in.
Good for you for taking yourself out of the situation! You did the right thing. I would love to tell you every little thing will be ok. But if you and your husband get drunk together, you need to brace yourself.
Whatever you do, stay totally 100% sober. You have a child, so your baby doesn't need two drunk parents. Oftentimes relationships based on drinking or getting high will crash and burn anyway. You need to be at your best to take care of your kid.

You are stronger than you know.

Anna

Erin, do you think that you and your husband can do things together other than drinking? How about spending time together as a family? Early recovery involves shifting our thinking a lot, but I hope that you can find time to spend together.

erin8

There's more than just getting drunk but it was a shared interest! I've known him since I was 11 years old though. Im just really stressed out!!!!!!

ronf

Dear Erin, been there, done that, bought the T-shirt. It CAN be done! Love him, don't judge him, BUT, set your boundaries. My wife finally got it through her head that I didn't want to cuddle, have sex, etc. with someone who was drunk. We where together 25 years. She passed 3 years ago. She never got sober and I never stopped loving her.

Your friend,

Ron

Hawks

I guess the question that is begging here is ... Does he drink like you ? Honestly

least

It's harder to quit drinking while those around you are still drinking. Hard, but not impossible. How badly do you want to be sober?

Soberwolf

big hugs erin its ok maybe have a loving chat with husband when hes sober if u wont leave tell him what this means to you to the relationship etc

if he continues to drink the way he is after this then move out for a while show him whats this means its obvioiusly stressing you out oh erin hang in there its hard right now but at least u got us i feel so bad for you

sorry for mix up

keep posting erin it will help i promise

good luck

Hawks

Bailing out is only a good idea if he really does drink just like you, in my opinion anyway.

ronf

It may very well be different for you. For me? It hit me that I had no stones to throw. As an alcoholic I could not, with a clear conscience, give up on another. That being said, ours was not an abusive relationship, even when drunk.

erin8

No. He controls himself much better than I do when he drinks. .. I cant say for sure if he has a problem. I was just freaking out because I've not been near alcohol for 6 days and I was scared. I just got home and he's asleep so it isnt that hard. As long as I dont see it I think I'm ok.

razor15

Great effort tonight, Erin. Just manage tonight. I think it would be good to share these feelings with your husband to solicit his support in this. I can't imagine he'd knowingly want to put you through this. Maybe he needs to know and you can agree on a plan to avoid these situations that he will support?
We're with you...