Aiko

8 months no alcohol and 2 months two days no pills nor pot.

But I have the opening of an exposition where I am showing paintings,
and there will be free drinks...
My head is starting going on and on...
Says just that night, a couple of drinks...
I am going to hate it all drinking and I have to say no thanks
and a friend of mine will come with drugs on I know...
I am getting anxiety already and is on Thursday!!!

My head is recovering and have memory problems...
Two months ago I was so drugged I ended in a clinic!!!

And my head still thinks what if I do it now and then???
I want not to feel!
I want to go out and have fun!
I find really hard to see others get merry and I am sober looking!
That is my Punishment!
If I would not have abused for years maybe I could control it!

On top my dad is drinking again and is a f******* 24x7, Still waiting for my mum to have mayor head operation...
And I am thinking to start a Masters in the evening after work in another city that will put me under strain! chewing too much...

It all adds and I am just worried about the opening...
I am going what ever happens I want to live my life!!!

I am worried I might fall again!
I will suffer watching others drink!!!

trachemys

Aiko! Good to see you!

You really want to go down that road again? Act like you got a Round Tuit. Don't let that weak, whimpering AV drag you down. If you were still under the influence would you be having an exposition?

You are a strong, sober person.

Soberwolf

Hello Aiko maybe give it a miss if its making you feel like this

Aiko you say you have to be there for that but right now you needs you otherwise yoiur going to keep ending up in clinics or worse

Aiko your doing so well no painting exibition is worth this

in time Aiko when your feeling stronger it will be so much easier

please dont give up on you because i wont give up on you

if you need to talk Sober Recovery is a great supportive help

wishing you all the luck in the world

PurpleKnight

We need to detach "fun" from alcohol and substances, ending up in a clinic is far from "fun"!!

Why can't we have fun enjoying the company, the conversation, coming home and going to bed knowing you did a great job at the exposition, people commenting on your paintings, and waking up Sober the next day!!

You can do this Aiko!!

Anna

Aiko, it sounds to me like going to this exhibition is more than you want to take on.

You can 'live your life' happily and fully, and still not be around alcohol.

Aiko

I have been thinking I am going tomorrow night!
I am worried but I am going... I have to go!

I avoid all situations, people,... being pushed...
I already missed David Guetta´s concert and I nearly cried...

I found so difficult to sink in my head that I have a problem!
After all that I been through I want more...
But I am accepting it I have to stay away!
I take my pills I am more stable!

will enjoy the night and
I am going to put up with everybody drinking around me,
but I get so nervous when I see my friend... I will control myself!
Everything so near and I can not touch a thing... I hate it!!!

I am determined I have to live and can not hide at home forever!
I will not touch a thing...
Cross my heart and hope to die!

PurpleKnight

You can do this Aiko, but don't put yourself at risk if you think it may be too much!!

Have an escape plan, if things get too rough for you, sure we need to be able to deal with life at some stage with alcohol/temptation around us, but that needs to be balanced up with what we can handle, especially in early Sobriety!!

Hang in there!!

gratitude28

Aiko,
There is no good end to you drinking or drugging. If you ended up in a clinic last time, you will end up in the morgue soon enough. I don't want to be harsh, but it's the truth. You are so pretty and talented and wonderful. When I got sober, I realized that people around me affected me (my family, like yours is not healthy). You need to start changing your surroundings. You are not like them. You want to be whole and happy. Hiding out behind pills and alcohol is killing you both literally and figuratively. Huge hugs and all my prayers for you.
Beth

jryan19982

Can you get some tonic water and lime? Or some kind of spritzy drink that isnt alcoholic but MIGHT look like it is? And just dont order another with someone else around who will ask why arent you drinking real alcohol?

You can say you have a head ache and alcohol or pot or pills will make it worse?

Dee74

You;re not being punished. Like me, you simply cannot control your addictions, Aiko.
The only way to live with them is not to feed them.

I've been to many exhibitions where the artist was not there...I've been to many others where the artist was there for a short time and left.

If you go, noone will be worried about what you are or are not drinking.

No matter how good the reason might sound - to fit in, to look cool, to not be ashamed of not being able to drink... - if you drink again you risk having to go through all you've been through again...or worse.

I hope whatever you decide you put your recovery first.

D

Julie59

Leading up to the event can you instead of focusing on it and alcohol,drugs etc..... is there anyway you can focus, focus and focus on how you want to feel when you wake up the following morning. That is how I am coping at the moment.....

heartcore

Take a friend to help you stay sober!

Stay long enough to hear folks admire your work and then leave early & go to a cafe with your sober friend & eat something delicious to celebrate your artists success.

I would dress up, like I was the belle of the ball - glamorous & mysterious. As a creative, you get lots of room to flounce in like a goddess, behave "oddly" in your sobriety, & leave abruptly...an artiste...a beautiful, elegant, sober by choice, artist who doesn't give a s*** what anyone thinks. Leave them wondering, and wake up to your amazing self the next morning. Hell, you can even wear a mask if you like or paint your whole face. Freedom. You can live inside freedom.

roguedreams

I know this is off topic, but heartcore, this post gave me goosebumps.

This.

This is what I aspire for - to live inside the freedom to be me sans alcohol - without a whit cared what others think.

EJ43

Aiko, you got this!!!!! Play the whole evening through both ways, all the way to the next morning. One will have an
Amazing outcome and one will not. You deserve to enjoy this accomplishment, not dread it. Set your mind, put on that kickass outfit and it's all yours!

jdooner

First huge congratulations on the sobriety Aiko and big hugs (((AIKO)))

You have this. You have come so far. I think any questions are your addictions trying to reach back out. Don't indulge. Make a plan before you attend and stick to the plan - maybe have a plan B too?

Ruby2

Aiko, what PurpleKnight said. Why feel punished? Envision yourself as fun and having fun without the alcohol. I attend AA meetings and each time I go to an AA related social event I don't see a bunch of glum people. I see people who are sober, laughing and dancing and talking, having a genuinely good time, all without the crutch of alcohol.

I can see it's causing you great anxiety. You have gotten a lot of good advice here. Please follow it. Make a plan, exit early if you have to. Just because someone is standing there drinking at an event doesn't mean they are happy and enjoying themselves. How many of us drank because we were miserable and went home and felt awful in the morning? Sick and miserable. Don't equate alcohol with fun.

Hang in there.

Aiko

I am backkkkkkk. I made It!!!! Clean And Sober!!!
They kept on coming with the tray of drinks...
No thanks!
Just a mistake at one point I took another glass and was drinking and thought this taste funny....
But quickly put it down and continued chating
Great night... Many people, lots of hugs and love!
My friend came and was worried she would start taking drugs in front of me... But she came already stoned!
Everybody drinking but me!
And one NA friend turned up was so happy to see him!

Thak you souch for your support and advice, I was so worried about it! That I would loose it again... And you made me feel stronger! Thank you for helping me!

Lots of Love & hugs ftom Spain XO

P.s. I was drop dead gorgeous

Gilmer

That's great, Aiko!

SoberLeigh

So glad to hear the evening went so well! Were you an exhibiter; how were your pieces received?????

SoberLeigh

Oooops; just re-read your opening post. You WERE an exhibiter; how were your pieces received?

So proud of you, Aiko.