Happiest man on earth
 

Broken, beaten, downtrodden, defeated to say the least at the bottom looking up. At times, I contemplated just ending it all, I had severe metal issues, it wasn't unusual to drink 1.75 ML of vodka a day, or drink 20 to 30 beers a day.

I @#$@# hated life, I hated me and I hate being " crazy", I hated the anxiety, I hated the despair, panic attack, alcohol, gambling, smoking, alcohol, gambling, smoking and etc. The most unholy of trinities, I have over 6 figures in gambling debt still, liver problems, lost a job I love and still haven't quite made my back rent for this month. Sucks right?

You know what it doesn't suck! It doesn't suck not even a little, this is defining moment in my life. As Winston Churchill put it this is my " finest moment"..... I was hearing voices, panic attacks, drinking myself silly everyday smoking like a chimney and thought to myself, slow death or fast death Jeremy? That's scary, but I know so many of us go through that, its a bad place!

One day, after thinking the TV reporter was talking to me ( a story I haven't told), after walking through a field and being told by voices that " the answer was in that field" I was going to check out or get better. I decided, with the help of my friends here it was time to check in not check out. There is, always will be, and NO MATTER THERE IS HOPE!

I quit the drink, I shook, I stammered, I was confused and hurting, I thought what the hell! I thought why did I start, and why in the world should I stop, I was sweating and in pain. Temptation almost overwhelmed me for so many days, but I kept a hold of that hope. The hope, I could have what others have, sobriety and a better place!

Well my friends, I got medicated, quit the drink, went through hell and back, quit smoking and everyday I hold onto my sobriety by a thread. I am beating this, we can beat this friends, I WILL NEVER GO BACK! So grateful for my friends here and all I've learned so many intelligent and sober folks.

I told myself last week I was going to be positive no matter what, I told myself life can be negative or positive and that is a decision I make. Many before me have been through far worse and survived and come out ahead, I can seize on what they did, or feel sorry for me. Well my experiment in the positive has been such a blessing, I've relived so much stress, looking ahead, the past hurts, but like the cliche says it can't be changed.

So I am farting rainbows, kiss leprechauns, suffering at times still from urges, but controlling how I feel, controlling what I can control and for the first time ever I am owning me! Medicated, alive, owning life, loving life, and spewing positive like I didn't know what it was, because for awhile I didn't! Good day folks, if I could impart any message right now, own today, own you, you can and will do this, and I want you to fart rainbows and kiss leprechauns too. Its day to day for me still, but having a few friends come along makes the journey so much better!

Good for you Jeremy! A close friend told me make as much progress when you can. Because you will need to draw on that goodwill when things get tough. It sounds like you are in a positive headspace. Keep moving forward and make progress! That is what helped me. There other thing is pay it forward.

Hear, hear!!

:c011:

:)

Great news and a great attitude.

:c011:

Keep it up Jeremy look at all this stuff your achieving

Big well done Jeremy

Well done!! So glad you cam such a long way! Your a survivor, an overcomer.

"farting Rainbows" now that's what I call entertainment. You could make a bundle with this on a talent TV show. LOL!

Enjoy the freedom and happiness, you deserve every bit of it!

Proud of you Jeremy. All your hard work was so worth it. It'll keep getting better. :hug:

So pleased for you, Jeremy! :bigok:

:c011:
Good for you my friend !

That's amazing Jeremy! It sounds like you have taken control of your life! Mistakes and lessons are for learning and not self-loathing. It sounds like you have learned a great deal! This is amazing because everyones recovery, experience and struggle is different. That diversity of experience, when overcome by us, provides so many tools for many different people out there looking for help. This may be one of the most wonderful and powerful elements of SR!

Much respect and love Jeremy!

congrats buddy, keep going strong

Hi Jeremy.

I'm happy knowing you're feeling better.

I really hate doing this...Given your history with comments similar to your OP in this thread, I will remain cautiously optimistic.

Great stuff Jeremy!! :You_Rock_

Congratulations on getting through so much! You sound like you have a great perspective that will keep you going strong. It's truly amazing the healing you have done after where you used to be.

I misquoted Winston Churchill ahh, " finest hour" not "moment". That man would have my head if he knew I misquoted one of his most famous speeches. It pays to proofread what you wrote folks, lol. Well, on my positive kick, if you going to misquote someone do it to the best of your ability and that I did.

Thank you all for reading my comments, I am happy, I feel like I a walk, talk and live with purpose again. The combination of quitting 2 bad habits, slowly changing my paradigm and always moving forward has slowly made me love life again.

Endgame, don't feel bad for doing " this" your're right my friend. Always knowing where I came from, where I could be and where I am will guide me to where I want to be in life. You are so right on point and I am glad you brought that up, I need little reminders like that because secretly in my head I am still " cautiously optimistic" and if I wasn't I feel like something is wrong with my recovery! Good day all

journey on, Friend!!

Those terrible, darkest moments we have along this ride can often be exactly the way to the portal through to the brightest and best moments...

:)

Nice going, Jeremy!!!!! :c011:

As long as I'm quoted in the same comment as Winston Churchill, I'm good.