Avoiding drinking situations
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Htown
Posts: 3
Avoiding drinking situations
I'm stuck in a catch 22, I'm hoping someone can help me solve. If I avoid a situation where I would normally drink or other people are drinking I find myself thinking about why I am avoiding it and it bothers me until I drink anyway.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
Hi Sublime (nice nic)
I'm Rowan, alcoholic. People, places and things. They have to change when you sober up until such time that you are safe in such circumstances - and if you have a legitimate reason for being there. Being in a bar with friends hanging out is not a good enough reason. For about 18 months I avoided all social situations outside of AA where alcohol was involved. I was a little resentful initially, but my sobriety was and is important to me, so that was a resentment I had to let go of. And today it doesn't bother me that I can't drink or maybe can't go out with certain people because of the amount they drink - I've accepted that I cannot consume alcohol. And that's okay. I would recommend reading the section on acceptance in the BB (assuming you have one, sorry for the presumption) on page 449 (3rd edition) or page 417 (4th edition). I read it over and over when I felt as you ascribe to. And forgive me for being harsh, but it sounds like you are justifying your drinking because you can't go out with your friends and do what you normally do. Get busy doing something you enjoy so you don't sit at home thinking about the 'great time' you are missing. Keep coming back it gets easier, I promise.
God Bless
Rowan
I'm Rowan, alcoholic. People, places and things. They have to change when you sober up until such time that you are safe in such circumstances - and if you have a legitimate reason for being there. Being in a bar with friends hanging out is not a good enough reason. For about 18 months I avoided all social situations outside of AA where alcohol was involved. I was a little resentful initially, but my sobriety was and is important to me, so that was a resentment I had to let go of. And today it doesn't bother me that I can't drink or maybe can't go out with certain people because of the amount they drink - I've accepted that I cannot consume alcohol. And that's okay. I would recommend reading the section on acceptance in the BB (assuming you have one, sorry for the presumption) on page 449 (3rd edition) or page 417 (4th edition). I read it over and over when I felt as you ascribe to. And forgive me for being harsh, but it sounds like you are justifying your drinking because you can't go out with your friends and do what you normally do. Get busy doing something you enjoy so you don't sit at home thinking about the 'great time' you are missing. Keep coming back it gets easier, I promise.
God Bless
Rowan
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: the capital area
Posts: 8
Hi,
I think it may just be anxiety, which is a normal reaction to those triggers. They get less strong, or come and go, at least for me. But it feels good when at the end of the day you get home and you didn't have a drink when everyone else around you did. Sort of, like your own personal triumph (made possible by your hp). But if you start drinking again, you'll get stuck in the same place. I hope you start to get stronger soon. Give yourself more credit. You can do it!
Good luck
I think it may just be anxiety, which is a normal reaction to those triggers. They get less strong, or come and go, at least for me. But it feels good when at the end of the day you get home and you didn't have a drink when everyone else around you did. Sort of, like your own personal triumph (made possible by your hp). But if you start drinking again, you'll get stuck in the same place. I hope you start to get stronger soon. Give yourself more credit. You can do it!
Good luck
Headed in the right direction.
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Las Vegas
Posts: 257
new hobbies
Hi Sublime,
Maybe your problem is similar to mine in that drinking was your only hobby. For a few years, I though that my husband and I needed to get another hobby - other than drinking. All we did was drink for fun. Now I KNOW that is true.
For a while, while we are all new at this, we need to avoid drinking situations. We just aren't versed in all of the ways to stay sober. Our resolve, while fresh, isn't ingrained deeply yet.
Our "friends" don't really understand the depths of our commitment....yet. If you are sad and lonely staying home when normally you would be out hitting the bars, painting the town red, then you need to fill that empty space with a new interest. If you were once a quiet lone drinker, find a quite singular task, like reading or computer card games. If you were the life of the party, you will have to find something more distracting and invigorating, like working out or going to church meetings. It sounds like you are pretty smart, maybe there is a business you have been wanting to start, or you could help a friend plan something like a birthday party, baby shower or wedding.
Sitting home bored while your old friends are out drinking is a bummer...so go places where you will meet new non-drinking friends.
Best wishes, recoverig alcoholics don't have to be bored or boring.
Maybe your problem is similar to mine in that drinking was your only hobby. For a few years, I though that my husband and I needed to get another hobby - other than drinking. All we did was drink for fun. Now I KNOW that is true.
For a while, while we are all new at this, we need to avoid drinking situations. We just aren't versed in all of the ways to stay sober. Our resolve, while fresh, isn't ingrained deeply yet.
Our "friends" don't really understand the depths of our commitment....yet. If you are sad and lonely staying home when normally you would be out hitting the bars, painting the town red, then you need to fill that empty space with a new interest. If you were once a quiet lone drinker, find a quite singular task, like reading or computer card games. If you were the life of the party, you will have to find something more distracting and invigorating, like working out or going to church meetings. It sounds like you are pretty smart, maybe there is a business you have been wanting to start, or you could help a friend plan something like a birthday party, baby shower or wedding.
Sitting home bored while your old friends are out drinking is a bummer...so go places where you will meet new non-drinking friends.
Best wishes, recoverig alcoholics don't have to be bored or boring.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Htown
Posts: 3
Thank you for your reponses although they are very helpful, I believe I worded my question wrong. So let me try again.
If I avoid going to a ballgame or a restraunt(with a bar) ect.. my mind says to itself, "You are avoiding this because you don't want to drink" and then (at home) I spend the entire night thinking about drinking,and give in. No matter how much I preoccupy mind. Its not that I can't go out with my friends because I prefer to drink at home anyway.Another example would be me sitting at home watchin TV and I see a beer comm. Slowly I start thinking about how good it would taste and then I get almost into a fist fightwith my mind to stop thinking about it.
I guess what Im trying to ask is how do I say no. I don't have a problem saying no to peer pressure, but I guess i am giving into my own peer pressure, and I can't find a way to tell myself no. I've tried the just saying no but its different then peer pressure because mind pressure goes where you go it follows you to all ends of the earth pressuring you.
Also in response to drinking being my only hobby. I play guitar, lift weights and play video games. If I could lift weights all day I would be ok because that is the only way I can keep my mind off of it. When I play guitar or games I prefer not to drink because I cant focus as well, but...
If I avoid going to a ballgame or a restraunt(with a bar) ect.. my mind says to itself, "You are avoiding this because you don't want to drink" and then (at home) I spend the entire night thinking about drinking,and give in. No matter how much I preoccupy mind. Its not that I can't go out with my friends because I prefer to drink at home anyway.Another example would be me sitting at home watchin TV and I see a beer comm. Slowly I start thinking about how good it would taste and then I get almost into a fist fightwith my mind to stop thinking about it.
I guess what Im trying to ask is how do I say no. I don't have a problem saying no to peer pressure, but I guess i am giving into my own peer pressure, and I can't find a way to tell myself no. I've tried the just saying no but its different then peer pressure because mind pressure goes where you go it follows you to all ends of the earth pressuring you.
Also in response to drinking being my only hobby. I play guitar, lift weights and play video games. If I could lift weights all day I would be ok because that is the only way I can keep my mind off of it. When I play guitar or games I prefer not to drink because I cant focus as well, but...
Choosing Life
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: London
Posts: 889
Hi Sublime
I believe it is how badly you want it. I'm not sure what stage you are at with your "drinking" - what you have lost, destroyed, messed up, ruined by your drinking, but for me, I have lost a lot. Also, I have recently realised that sobriety is the most precious thing in my life. Without it I don't stand a chance. Without sobriety, one day at a time, I haven't a hope in hell of having ANYTHING in my life except alcohol and all the misery that taking alcohol brings me.
Now with that in mind, when the "urge" to drink hits, as it does often, I have the tools to say "no thanks" and at first, it is hard. You have to sweat it out, but it does go away. I find it goes away and I get a great sense of peace afterwards and every time I beat the "urge" I get stronger and stronger.
Also, as mentioned above, I get myself out of my head (he-he not on any other substance) as in I'll realise what tricks my mind are up to and I'll force myself to go do something else.... a walk ..phone someone ... an AA meeting ...a trip to the cow field to watch the cows .... anything to get me out of my thinking.
Believe me, everytime you beat it, it gets easier and easier to say no.
much love
JC
I believe it is how badly you want it. I'm not sure what stage you are at with your "drinking" - what you have lost, destroyed, messed up, ruined by your drinking, but for me, I have lost a lot. Also, I have recently realised that sobriety is the most precious thing in my life. Without it I don't stand a chance. Without sobriety, one day at a time, I haven't a hope in hell of having ANYTHING in my life except alcohol and all the misery that taking alcohol brings me.
Now with that in mind, when the "urge" to drink hits, as it does often, I have the tools to say "no thanks" and at first, it is hard. You have to sweat it out, but it does go away. I find it goes away and I get a great sense of peace afterwards and every time I beat the "urge" I get stronger and stronger.
Also, as mentioned above, I get myself out of my head (he-he not on any other substance) as in I'll realise what tricks my mind are up to and I'll force myself to go do something else.... a walk ..phone someone ... an AA meeting ...a trip to the cow field to watch the cows .... anything to get me out of my thinking.
Believe me, everytime you beat it, it gets easier and easier to say no.
much love
JC
Member
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Kansas City,Mo
Posts: 478
Sublime,
I would have to agree with JC.I think it depends on how badly you need or want to stay away from the alcohol.
When I hit my "rock bottom" something clicked in my head.What was I doing to myself? What was I doing to my kids?
It was the lowest point in my life.I was in handcuffs and leg shackles with a hood over my head....being taken to jail!!
So,it all depends on what you have lost I think.And if you are really literally sick of it.
Now for me,when I even think about that first drink,I think back and it's easy for me to say,it's just not worth it anymore.So to ease my mind,I do something to take my mind away from it.
Not everyone is the same of course.But Im sure you will find your peace.
I almost lost my kids,my hubby,and I had no self respect! After years and years of this,I had just had enough!
I would have to agree with JC.I think it depends on how badly you need or want to stay away from the alcohol.
When I hit my "rock bottom" something clicked in my head.What was I doing to myself? What was I doing to my kids?
It was the lowest point in my life.I was in handcuffs and leg shackles with a hood over my head....being taken to jail!!
So,it all depends on what you have lost I think.And if you are really literally sick of it.
Now for me,when I even think about that first drink,I think back and it's easy for me to say,it's just not worth it anymore.So to ease my mind,I do something to take my mind away from it.
Not everyone is the same of course.But Im sure you will find your peace.
I almost lost my kids,my hubby,and I had no self respect! After years and years of this,I had just had enough!
We all need each other.
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: The road of happy destiny.
Posts: 2,294
Sublime--thanks for the post and your honesty. I have to be honest and say the first thing I thought was, "this person needs to go to some meetings." Have you tried AA? I know when I first got sober, I often had those thoughts of "I just want a drink." I wanted the quick fix that a drink (or 15) would give me. Now I get that "quick fix" in meetings. I could not have done it without AA. Just a thought. Not trying to preach. I just know that the program WORKS!
Hang in there.
Hang in there.
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: El Paso, Tx
Posts: 5,862
We all have that little dialogue with ourselves. But once I became firmly committed, I realized when it was the disease talking to me, egging me on, playing rouletted with my emotions. I don't allow that to happen and conflict me anymore. I know I want to stay sober, I know I can't drink, I know others can, and I just keep myself surrounded with people that support me and avoid those situations where I start bugging.
I can pretty much handle any social arena now where people are drinking, except bars! Though I know the reason, it's just not a place where I'm comfortable, not that I would drink, just not comfortable anymore, so it's simple, I just don't go. You'll learn to handle this when your stronger and become firmly resolved that you just can't drink.
I can pretty much handle any social arena now where people are drinking, except bars! Though I know the reason, it's just not a place where I'm comfortable, not that I would drink, just not comfortable anymore, so it's simple, I just don't go. You'll learn to handle this when your stronger and become firmly resolved that you just can't drink.
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