In need of some serious wisdom here
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Thank you so much SoberComposer. That's something very interesting to work on...to build a strong and respectful relationship with myself...I never thought about it that way. Now where do I start...?
Thank you!
Thank you!
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Originally Posted by Cecilia44 
“The battle you are going through is not fueled by the words or actions of others; it is fueled by the mind that gives it importance.” ― Shannon L. Alder
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Originally Posted by melki
When you imagine those 6-year-olds, don't forget yourself and treat that child with love and compassion too. 
Take good care of yourself. Start by doing something kind for yourself every day.
Take good care of yourself. Start by doing something kind for yourself every day. EndGame
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Hi patricia.
It took me a very long time and a lifetime's worth of heartache to learn that when I was blaming others for my problems, this meant that there was something -- many things, really -- I was very unhappy about within myself.
Blaming works against finding solutions and makes personal growth virtually impossible. I would be nowhere in life had I not learned the power of nurturing mutually supportive relationships.
You're only 46. There's plenty of time for you to live a very good life.
It took me a very long time and a lifetime's worth of heartache to learn that when I was blaming others for my problems, this meant that there was something -- many things, really -- I was very unhappy about within myself.
Blaming works against finding solutions and makes personal growth virtually impossible. I would be nowhere in life had I not learned the power of nurturing mutually supportive relationships.
You're only 46. There's plenty of time for you to live a very good life.
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I guess I'm gonna be that guy.
Many of the 12 steps deal with forgiveness, dealing with the past, and moving on. It's a roadmap to getting over the very things you mentioned.
Why not check out a meeting?
Many of the 12 steps deal with forgiveness, dealing with the past, and moving on. It's a roadmap to getting over the very things you mentioned.
Why not check out a meeting?
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Originally Posted by DoubleBarrel
I guess I'm gonna be that guy.
Many of the 12 steps deal with forgiveness, dealing with the past, and moving on. It's a roadmap to getting over the very things you mentioned.
Why not check out a meeting?
Many of the 12 steps deal with forgiveness, dealing with the past, and moving on. It's a roadmap to getting over the very things you mentioned.
Why not check out a meeting?
I know 12Step.org has some free Worksheets online. I would love if you could show me where to start to work on forgiveness DoubleBarrel . Or is it mandatory to start with Step 1? (Step 2 is what made me run away from the Big Book in the past
)
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Originally Posted by EndGameNYC
Hi patricia.
It took me a very long time and a lifetime's worth of heartache to learn that when I was blaming others for my problems, this meant that there was something -- many things, really -- I was very unhappy about within myself.
It took me a very long time and a lifetime's worth of heartache to learn that when I was blaming others for my problems, this meant that there was something -- many things, really -- I was very unhappy about within myself.
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Originally Posted by patricia68
Yes! I think I could write a whole book about the things I am not happy about myself right now. But I think I need to forgive myself first. I need to learn (I have no idea how) how to love myself...simple as that. But as long as I keep this self hatred, self blaming behaviour nothing is going to improve...
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I've been in your same position. I had a lightening bolt moment when i found myself building up more resentments against my sister. I was mad. Not just mad, but full of "justified anger." She was wrong, i was right and i sat in judgment of her. This time, i sent a quick message off to my sponsor. Something along the lines of "my sister is really helping me with my fourth step right now." If you're not familiar with the Fourth Step, it's one where we list our resentments. I figured my anger was fine because i was right, she was wrong and i won. My sponsor's response was "and what's your role in this."
So i contemplated this for a few minutes. Then, it hit me.
I am not my sister's judge.
Who am i to judge? More importantly, what did my judgment do for my relationship with my sister, my relationship with myself and my relationship with my Higher Power? It caused nothing but harm. I then wondered about how i could change my relationship with her. I suddenly thought, "how can i help her?"
I found a way that i could quickly help her. My relationship change right then. I moved from a place of anger and judgment to one of helpfulness and cooperation. I found it hard to be angry with someone i wanted to help. I still have some resentments with her but my new relationship and interactions are ones where i help her. I actually want to help her!
This is something that i've been using in my life every day. When i get resentful of someone at work, i throw myself into helping them. When my husband gets on my last nerve, i try to help him. Not only does it change my relationship with them, it makes me happier about who i am becoming. I work on helping without expecting anything in return. If i don't expect anything, i am not disappointed. I'm far from perfect in this but i'm making great progress.
So i contemplated this for a few minutes. Then, it hit me.
I am not my sister's judge.
Who am i to judge? More importantly, what did my judgment do for my relationship with my sister, my relationship with myself and my relationship with my Higher Power? It caused nothing but harm. I then wondered about how i could change my relationship with her. I suddenly thought, "how can i help her?"
I found a way that i could quickly help her. My relationship change right then. I moved from a place of anger and judgment to one of helpfulness and cooperation. I found it hard to be angry with someone i wanted to help. I still have some resentments with her but my new relationship and interactions are ones where i help her. I actually want to help her!
This is something that i've been using in my life every day. When i get resentful of someone at work, i throw myself into helping them. When my husband gets on my last nerve, i try to help him. Not only does it change my relationship with them, it makes me happier about who i am becoming. I work on helping without expecting anything in return. If i don't expect anything, i am not disappointed. I'm far from perfect in this but i'm making great progress.
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Originally Posted by patricia68
I live in a rural area, a beautiful little town but it's in the middle of nowhere. No AA meetings in my area. The closest one is an hour away and I don't drive.
I know 12Step.org has some free Worksheets online. I would love if you could show me where to start to work on forgiveness DoubleBarrel . Or is it mandatory to start with Step 1? (Step 2 is what made me run away from the Big Book in the past
)
I know 12Step.org has some free Worksheets online. I would love if you could show me where to start to work on forgiveness DoubleBarrel . Or is it mandatory to start with Step 1? (Step 2 is what made me run away from the Big Book in the past
)The steps are meant to be done in order. I highly recommend a sponsor to do them with you.
If you ran away from step 2, you are being hypersensitive to the mention of a higher power. I'm atheist, but there are many many things more powerful than myself. Nature, the group, you can say this website if you want. Don't get all hung up on that and allow it to interfere with a program that can help you a lot. I did and I was miserable for a long time.
Read chapter 3 and chapter 5. For starters.
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I would contact the office nearest you, someone can help you out and perhaps of you can't make a meeting, they will find a way to communicate with you.
Alcoholics Anonymous : List of General Service Conference Area Web Sites (US/Canada)
Alcoholics Anonymous : List of General Service Conference Area Web Sites (US/Canada)
Crazy Cat Lady
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I'm with DoubleBarrel. Contact your nearest intergroup and ask about how you can get to a meeting. You may be absolutely amazed at the lengths sober alcoholics will go to to bring the message to a suffering alcoholic. It's part of our steps. Heck, it's the primary purpose of every group! You are an important part of someone else's recovery, not just your own. The hand oof recovery is there if you reach out for it. We are responsible for that.
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Originally Posted by DoubleBarrel
I would contact the office nearest you, someone can help you out and perhaps of you can't make a meeting, they will find a way to communicate with you.
Alcoholics Anonymous : List of General Service Conference Area Web Sites (US/Canada)
Alcoholics Anonymous : List of General Service Conference Area Web Sites (US/Canada)
It may well be that there are AA people living in your area looking for someone to converse with or meet up with. Heck if there are a couple of us in your proximity that’s a great way to start a meeting. A meeting can consist of 2 or more people getting together and sharing their experience, strength and hope. It does not have to be big and organized. If you call AA and explain your situation perhaps they may give some helpful suggestions to get a few people together.
AA is about people helping people.
BE WELL
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Originally Posted by melki
Have you ever tried meditation?
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Originally Posted by DisplacedGRITS
I've been in your same position. I had a lightening bolt moment when i found myself building up more resentments against my sister. I was mad. Not just mad, but full of "justified anger." She was wrong, i was right and i sat in judgment of her. This time, i sent a quick message off to my sponsor. Something along the lines of "my sister is really helping me with my fourth step right now." If you're not familiar with the Fourth Step, it's one where we list our resentments. I figured my anger was fine because i was right, she was wrong and i won. My sponsor's response was "and what's your role in this."
So i contemplated this for a few minutes. Then, it hit me.
I am not my sister's judge.
Who am i to judge? More importantly, what did my judgment do for my relationship with my sister, my relationship with myself and my relationship with my Higher Power? It caused nothing but harm. I then wondered about how i could change my relationship with her. I suddenly thought, "how can i help her?"
I found a way that i could quickly help her. My relationship change right then. I moved from a place of anger and judgment to one of helpfulness and cooperation. I found it hard to be angry with someone i wanted to help. I still have some resentments with her but my new relationship and interactions are ones where i help her. I actually want to help her!
This is something that i've been using in my life every day. When i get resentful of someone at work, i throw myself into helping them. When my husband gets on my last nerve, i try to help him. Not only does it change my relationship with them, it makes me happier about who i am becoming. I work on helping without expecting anything in return. If i don't expect anything, i am not disappointed. I'm far from perfect in this but i'm making great progress.
So i contemplated this for a few minutes. Then, it hit me.
I am not my sister's judge.
Who am i to judge? More importantly, what did my judgment do for my relationship with my sister, my relationship with myself and my relationship with my Higher Power? It caused nothing but harm. I then wondered about how i could change my relationship with her. I suddenly thought, "how can i help her?"
I found a way that i could quickly help her. My relationship change right then. I moved from a place of anger and judgment to one of helpfulness and cooperation. I found it hard to be angry with someone i wanted to help. I still have some resentments with her but my new relationship and interactions are ones where i help her. I actually want to help her!
This is something that i've been using in my life every day. When i get resentful of someone at work, i throw myself into helping them. When my husband gets on my last nerve, i try to help him. Not only does it change my relationship with them, it makes me happier about who i am becoming. I work on helping without expecting anything in return. If i don't expect anything, i am not disappointed. I'm far from perfect in this but i'm making great progress.
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Originally Posted by DoubleBarrel
Big book http://2travel.org/Files/AA/BigBook.pdf
The steps are meant to be done in order. I highly recommend a sponsor to do them with you.
If you ran away from step 2, you are being hypersensitive to the mention of a higher power. I'm atheist, but there are many many things more powerful than myself. Nature, the group, you can say this website if you want. Don't get all hung up on that and allow it to interfere with a program that can help you a lot. I did and I was miserable for a long time.
Read chapter 3 and chapter 5. For starters.
The steps are meant to be done in order. I highly recommend a sponsor to do them with you.
If you ran away from step 2, you are being hypersensitive to the mention of a higher power. I'm atheist, but there are many many things more powerful than myself. Nature, the group, you can say this website if you want. Don't get all hung up on that and allow it to interfere with a program that can help you a lot. I did and I was miserable for a long time.
Read chapter 3 and chapter 5. For starters.
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Originally Posted by patricia68
Thank you Dee. Maybe I just have to forgive myself first, right? Learn how to love this little messed up person first...?
Good luck to you. We're here with & for you!
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