Very drunk person at last night's AA meeting
 

Last night I went to a new (to me) AA meeting. I didn't know anyone there. It was mostly men but there were a few women. (I am female, btw). About 10 minutes after the meeting started and extremely intoxicated man came in and sat down. He was interrupting people when they were sharing and not being mean or anything, just kept trying to converse with people when they shared.

No one did or said anything. I was very worried about this guy because obviously he shouldn't be driving (although I don;t know if he drove there or walked there or how he got there). About mid-way through the meeting he started staying he knew he had to stop drinking but he knew he would keep drinking that night. And he was already extremely drunk. Weaving and slurring his words.

My questions is - as a female member of AA and a relative newcomer, is there anything I should or could have done for this guy? When I left I felt terrible that I didn't approach him after the meeting and say or do anything. I kind of thought that the men should and I hope one did but I don't know if one did or not.

This is a first for me.

I've seen that happen before. Usually, the meeting chair has noticed and taken the offender aside outside the meeting to talk with them.

Even as a newcomer, you can feel free to say "I am feeling concerned and uncomfortable right now about what's happening in this meeting - clearly this gentleman is under the influence and potentially drove here... what can we do to support his safety and our own sobriety?"

I'm sorry that happened to you, it does happen from time to time..... it sounds like that meeting wound up letting the guy and everyone else down by simply turning a blind eye.

It's interesting you bring this up. Yesterday I was listening to an elder statesman speaker talk on youtbube. He commented about the evolution of today's AA groups ( not always for the good ) in a humorous manner. Years ago, and probably in certain meetings/groups many people were fully loaded walking in. The speaker made light of this in today's climate - overheard two members talk when a drunk walked in.

What the heck is that guy doing here, he's drunk!!!
Love it......

Being disruptive, however should be controlled by the chair perhaps...

You obviously have a caring heart - that's good! But, putting yourself in harms way with a fellow who is fully loaded is not. Perhaps without you being aware, some of the elders where watching or spoke to this gent after the meeting.

Be safe, and keep coming back!!!
Thanks for caring.....awesome!

Snakes and btw, thanks for updating your gender profile :)

I make sure not to make fun or light of
the sick person looking for help. I have
to remember that I was just as sick as
them when I entered recovery 24 yrs
ago.

I do have to commend this sick person
for getting to that meeting even tho it
was all strange to him or her. I hope
someone drove him there and took him
home too so that he was indangering
himself or others on the road.

All I can do is say a prayer for them
and someone would pull him to the
side to help him if I am not comfortable
doing it myself.

It happened once or twice at meetings when I attended. The man was taken outside for a quiet word. It was a bit scary though xx

While it can be disruptive to have someone at a meeting drunk, there but for the grace of God go I.

You did make a good point, someone should have made sure he wasn't driving after the meeting!

I hope I didn't sound like I was making fun of him. I really didn't mean to sound that way. I was worried for his safety and really confused on how I could or if I should help him. I am glad he made it to an AA meeting. I was thinking it could have been me. I just hope he is ok. He was very young looking and he has his whole life ahead of him.

Although I have not yet witnessed someone intoxicated at a meeting..heard about it plenty..AND perhaps take heart in that I have often heard folks say they attended their "FIRST" meeting drunk...and only their first : )

Hopefully, this fellow will make it back for a second stone cold sober.

I've witnessed this at the meetings I used to attend. I was NOT impressed at all with how it was handled and it turned me off big time. I was in detox at the same time as the guy who was drunk, so actually knew him. We had spent a week in detox together. He relapsed hardcore about 2 days after he got out and he showed up totally hammered at a meeting (the one they make us go to in detox)...NOBODY did a damn thing. Not one single person got up to help.
This is the same meeting that basically feels like a bad day in highschool, with all it's cliques and BS. I've seen "old timers" actually sleeping while a speaker is talking, or on their phone.
I know all meetings are not like that, however, it turned me off immediately and I haven't gone back. NO thanks.

drunks are quite common in some of our meetings i love them as they show me why i am sober, they do my drinking for me. and of course its a 2 way thing as we all hope one day they will come in sober, but until that time there always welcome in the rooms of aa,

hence we say to anyone keep on coming back. we dont say keep on coming back but only if your sober,

would anyone believe aa is about drunks trying to get sober and stay sober : )

its not about people who can sober up on there own and come along to meetings with a slight drink problem but thanks to how things are these days people can and do come along sober and with only a slight problem with the booze so there getting off it early

so anyone who sees a drunk in the rooms of aa should think to themselves the tiny word of yet
you havent got that bad yet !!!

Not at all! You just give a dang.....That's how I read it!:c011:

peace

I am sure it has happened at meetings I have been at. My thinking (and I am fairly new to AA, so please forgive as this is only my thinking here, but)...

It's a AA meeting. 98% of drunk people who would go to one are SEEKING HELP. Maybe they are bombed when the idea occurs to them. Maybe it is the sole 'moment of clarity' they had that day. Maybe they are normally great, awesome, SOBER people with months ro years under their belt and slipped that one time. They are drunk though, and hence they (like most of us/perhaps you) have virtually no control over their actions at that moment.

I, were it me, would take the person aside, and try to talk to them, during or after. If you or I did not feel comfortable at the time, I might- plotely and as gently as possible, just say it, out loud to the group, and perhaps someone else/a group of folks could do it for the poor man or woman struggling. Talking to them is certainly useful. Getting them home safe/to ER safe is as well. Understanding there is a darn good chance that tomorrow they won't remember much of what you said or did is probably a good thing to prepare yourself for too.

It's AA. The person is drunk, and almost certainly would prefer (in the long run, at least/for a moment) NOT to be, but can't control that right now, nor their actions.


That's just my .02 though.

More will be revealed......
Look more closely, it's not always a soft drink in those cups with lid and straws that our fellows may have with them at meetings!

peace

I've heard fistfights break out at times also. Recently I have had brushes at meetings with a woman (with 10 years sobriety) have very public, dramatic meltdowns at meetings because a guy in program she was involved with was in attendance at that particular meeting. Apparently, he ended it (almost a year ago) and she can't get over.

So ya...not everyone is the pillar of enlightenment at an AA meeting. Some are..plenty aren't. They are human. This world is full of humans... I still choose to be part of it.

While at an open AA meeting with my son, years ago, I saw the most hopeless looking alcoholic, a ragged street person with long beard and shoes with holes in them and what I call "dead eyes" (no life in them at all), come into the meeting each Saturday and sit at the back. He never shared, disrupted only mildly, and didn't appear to be listening to a single word.

I thought he might be there for the free coffee and cookies,, which he drank and ate as he sat. An oldtimer, not the chair, walked over and sat by him each week and spoke to him outside after the meeting. The meeting was downtown Toronto and the man was obviously not driving, so that wasn't a concern.

I didn't see him for several weeks, then one meeting I was fixing a coffee before it started and this man, came up behind me and said "hello Ann"...I didn't know who he was. He said "It's me, Richard" and I almost dropped my coffee, he was clean shaven and dressed in clean and decent clothes...and he was sober, had been for a couple of monthss at that point. When I left Toronto, maybe 6 years later, Richard was still clean and still going to the Saturday afternoon meetings.

Richard became my beacon of hope. If Richard could get clean, anyone could. I still include him in my prayers each day.

My point is, the most important person at any meeting is perhaps the drunk who just walked in the door. I no longer judge, shame on me that I did the first time. Today I see it as another miracle waiting to happen.

Bless you all for welcoming the drunks to your meetings. Bless you all for staying sober and in doing so, for becoming their beacon of hope.

Hugs

Bless you Ann...that's a beautiful thing to share.

Yah, the drama at this particular meeting was just too much for me. It's unfortunate b/c it was the closest one to me (I take transit now again).
But the hypocrisy and just plain old crap I saw there was just too much for me. I did like another meeting though they made us go to and if I go the AA route again, it will be that one I head to :)
it seemed a lot more genuine than this soap opera.

It can leave a bad taste...definitely. I have twice witnessed drama at one meeting so I didn't go back...and well..now that queen of drama (10 years sober bunny boiler) has discovered my homegroup..the only one I go to now really..and just last week she talked bout how thrilled she was to find "this meeting" as it's "so great". I'm sure you could imagine my inner eye roll and fear she is going to make it her new "homegroup". Aaaaaagh.

Aw well...people are put into our paths for a reason I imagine. Argh. Dammit. Argh. lol

And OP..hopefully you will see that fellow again..and he will be sober like in Ann's tale.

I would be wondering if I was in the right place if I never saw a drunk at an AA meeting.As long as they are not disruptive,it is fine.The meetings I attend someone will look after them and go outside with them if necessary.

It can be unsettling in the early days seeing drunks in the rooms,there was a man at my first meeting,over the years I watched the progression of his Alcoholism and attended his funeral.There but for the grace of God go I.

I actually attended one meeting heavily intoxicated...Not fall down/black out drunk...But i was obviously under the influence.

I started that night drinking in my office...When a voice in my head said *get out of here now...Or horrible things will happen*

Those horrible things could have been...

A) Getting fired
B) Making an absolute idiot of myself to someone who was left at the office.
C) Quite frankly...Maybe continuing that night to drink myself right back into Rehab. (Which i have done before.)

I remember getting up...A hazy subway ride...Taking a taxi to my AA meeting..Showing up 30 minutes late...Staggering and seeing the stares/looks of sadness/anger/confusion on several folks at the meeting.

It's another memory i can't/won't forget. But i was welcomed back...And they've helped me stay sober for 23 days now.

AA meetings after all are for alcoholics/folks who think they have a problem with drinking. (It's where i belong. It's where i fit in.)

I'll keep coming back. And each time i do now. I'm there sober.

Don't under estimate this. Every first drink i think about...I'm playing with my life.

It's NOT worth the risk.

Have a safe and sober day friends. :scoregood