Please read this. I need help. Addicted to painkillers
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 5
Please read this. I need help. Addicted to painkillers
Hi I have never really posted anything like this and I'm not sure how it works.. Sorry in advance this may be long I'm new to this site. I just want some support.. Mainly I'm looking for a little support from people who were addicted to painkillers and actually quit.. Basically June 6th, 2012 I hurt my hand bad at work and had to have my left index finger amputated. I was prescribed 10mg oxy cotton and 5mg oxycodones. At first I wasn't hooked and actually didn't even want to take them except for pain so I finally got released back to work about six months after my injury and got to work for about a month before I had to leave again for my final surgery. I don't know what clicked inside of me but man since that day I just fiend for painkillers. Any kind. I can't stop. I want to so bad but I don't have the will power to do it. I have such a high tolerance "well high for me" it scares me.. Like I take them and sometimes don't even get high. But I feel like I HAVE to have them or I will feel SO down every joint and muscle in my body aches. I have no motivation to do anything at all. And it's literally all I think about 24/7 is just how I'm going to get my next fix. The part that I'm so addicted to is that amazing euphoria you get right before it really starts kicking in. I know for a fact that's the feeling I literally fiend for ALL day. I can't go more then an hour a day without thinking about taking pain killers. I spend huge amounts of money EVERY day on any kind of opiates I can get my hands on. I honest to god want to stop so bad but I don't know how. When I told my best friend I want to quit but can't he tells me that's because you honestly don't really want to, he says you may THINK you want to quit, but if you wanted to quit you would just do it and another friend says I have no will power. Honestly I feel so low just so dirty I feel like a disgrace to my family. My moms the only one I've ever told about my problem but she has NO idea how bad it truly is. I can't go to rehab I have a great job I can't lose. "Still work at the same place I hurt my hand" they treat me amazing and I don't really talk to anyone about this and for that reason that's why I am here. What do I do? Where do I go? And most importantly HOW do I quit? I don't want to take anything like suboxone or stuff like that to get off of them because I will abuse them. I want to just stop. I cant keep doing this to my body. Not only am I destroying it. I'm destroying myself inside emotionally. I have so much bottled in. I just want to quit. I'm sorry this was so long and I may have repeated myself. Idk I guess I feel like this is the only chance I have to talk about it before I end up dying from them. Ughh
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 316
Welcome to SR, Chriscnc! I don't have experience with this, but there are many here who do and I'm sure will have great advice. I'll be thinking of you. You are in a great place and are brave to reach out.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
I don't know where you are. Is it possible to check into a rehab or detox facility?
When I was in rehab, 60% more or less where in there for opiates. Many have started out EXACTLY as you did - young and old. An alarmingly high percentage of these turned to the needle and the big 'H'. What is a huge red flag for you is that you mention the euphoria you experience. If you continue to chase after that euphoria I am afraid that the pills will eventually not be enough. Stop while you can before it gets worse - and it ultimately will based on your description. I can't believe the number of 'addicts' that started out using prescription pain killers for legitimate reasons and found themselves addicted and spiraling out of control.
Since you are recognizing this, I would GO STRAIGHT TO THE DOCTOR WHO PRESCRIBED THEM and voice your concerns. Start at the source. Talk to your employer and your family. TELL THEM YOU NEED HELP!
When I was in rehab, 60% more or less where in there for opiates. Many have started out EXACTLY as you did - young and old. An alarmingly high percentage of these turned to the needle and the big 'H'. What is a huge red flag for you is that you mention the euphoria you experience. If you continue to chase after that euphoria I am afraid that the pills will eventually not be enough. Stop while you can before it gets worse - and it ultimately will based on your description. I can't believe the number of 'addicts' that started out using prescription pain killers for legitimate reasons and found themselves addicted and spiraling out of control.
Since you are recognizing this, I would GO STRAIGHT TO THE DOCTOR WHO PRESCRIBED THEM and voice your concerns. Start at the source. Talk to your employer and your family. TELL THEM YOU NEED HELP!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Texas
Posts: 478
Welcome, Chris. And Hugs. Please stick around this site--there are many with this experience. In the meantime, read through some of the posts--here is a link to the substance abuse-there is some good stuff about painkillers there. Keep checking back you there should be lots of responses to your post. Hugs. You are NOT alone.
Substance Abuse - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
I just realized moments later......
LBrain Types faster than me!
Substance Abuse - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
I just realized moments later......
LBrain Types faster than me!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Alabama
Posts: 88
Painkillers are difficult to kick, but people have done it, and stayed clean... I haven't had an addiction to them, but my AH is... Just a few days ago he tells me he hasn't taken them in a "few" weeks, but I can always tell when he's on them and he's on them now... He feels like you do. He wants to quit so bad, he knows its going to eventually lead to something worse, like death... but they have a hold on him like nothing he's ever seen. He quit drinking 4 years ago, and kicked a cocaine habit more than 10 years ago. He never had a problem with pills in his life, and never thought he would... but he does, and this has been going on for over 2 years now.
He says he's getting off them, then we go through detox for about a week, and he starts to feel better and his attitude gets better... then within a week I can see the signs and it becomes clear that he's back on the pills... We've done this on average once every 2-3 months... the money, the lies, the secrets... its been a hard thing for me to get past.
BUT... to get to my point, I understand my husband's addiction... and how it has taken over his "will" to quit. The brain chemistry is changed by the drug, and eventually you just become the unwilling participant.. who is consumed by the thing you've grown to hate....
It's not about "WILL POWER" Chrisnc... but it does take a fair amount in the beginning... The people who say you could stop if you really wanted to do not understand what it means to be addicted to something. That is a general misconception that ends up hurting you more than it helps...
If you have decided that enough is enough... if the pain of change seems more comfortable than the pain of staying the same... if you have accepted your addiction for what it is.... then you have begun to take the first steps necessary. Change must happen in your choices, in your mind, and in your heart.
Maybe start with getting help from a therapist or counselor who is experienced in addiction recovery... these are often available on your schedule and can be done without being admitted into a treatment facility... and take a look in your area for NA meetings. They can help you gain tools to begin making better choices for yourself.
My suggestion is to first and foremost eliminate all contact with your source of the pills and replace that with contact with others who can help you in your journey.
If nothing changes, then nothing changes... You know what changes you can make. What changes are your willing to make, to make a difference and save your life?
Be well... hang in there... and know you CAN do this!
He says he's getting off them, then we go through detox for about a week, and he starts to feel better and his attitude gets better... then within a week I can see the signs and it becomes clear that he's back on the pills... We've done this on average once every 2-3 months... the money, the lies, the secrets... its been a hard thing for me to get past.
BUT... to get to my point, I understand my husband's addiction... and how it has taken over his "will" to quit. The brain chemistry is changed by the drug, and eventually you just become the unwilling participant.. who is consumed by the thing you've grown to hate....
It's not about "WILL POWER" Chrisnc... but it does take a fair amount in the beginning... The people who say you could stop if you really wanted to do not understand what it means to be addicted to something. That is a general misconception that ends up hurting you more than it helps...
If you have decided that enough is enough... if the pain of change seems more comfortable than the pain of staying the same... if you have accepted your addiction for what it is.... then you have begun to take the first steps necessary. Change must happen in your choices, in your mind, and in your heart.
Maybe start with getting help from a therapist or counselor who is experienced in addiction recovery... these are often available on your schedule and can be done without being admitted into a treatment facility... and take a look in your area for NA meetings. They can help you gain tools to begin making better choices for yourself.
My suggestion is to first and foremost eliminate all contact with your source of the pills and replace that with contact with others who can help you in your journey.
If nothing changes, then nothing changes... You know what changes you can make. What changes are your willing to make, to make a difference and save your life?
Be well... hang in there... and know you CAN do this!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 5
@humblenumb
"If you have decided that enough is enough... if the pain of change seems more comfortable than the pain of staying the same." That right there has been the best thing anyone has ever said to me about this. Thank you for taking the time out of your day to write back. It definitely means so much!! I am ready for this and whatever challenges come my way I'm gonna keep my head up and do my best!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Charlotte, NC
Posts: 17
I've quit. Got back on and quitting again.
Your tolerance just goes up and up and up. First time I quit I was using 200mg of oxy a day.
What you're experiencing is withdrawals. Google opiate withdrawals and withdrawal remedies. You're going to feel like crap (well, not feel 100%) for a week or so.
The pills are making you crave them - not you. Withdrawal sucks. You count the minutes. It's a rough ride but you get over it I promise. It is absolutely doable. If you need help - please ask for it. I wish I did. I really did. You forget that you can be happy off of them. I forgot how great I felt without opiates. Much better than anytime I was on them.
Your tolerance just goes up and up and up. First time I quit I was using 200mg of oxy a day.
What you're experiencing is withdrawals. Google opiate withdrawals and withdrawal remedies. You're going to feel like crap (well, not feel 100%) for a week or so.
The pills are making you crave them - not you. Withdrawal sucks. You count the minutes. It's a rough ride but you get over it I promise. It is absolutely doable. If you need help - please ask for it. I wish I did. I really did. You forget that you can be happy off of them. I forgot how great I felt without opiates. Much better than anytime I was on them.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Sierra Vista, AZ
Posts: 133
Chriscnc,
Here is a free number to call. 877-931-9142, Community Bridges, INC. Their value statement is:
We Value Human Life
The Sustaining of Human Life
And the Recovery of Human Life
Always With Dignity
I also work full time and went through their detox program. Many addicts using oxy and meth as well as alcohol were there during my stay.
All of us in this forum understand your feelings. We all have our demons. I wish you the best, but most certainly - please call the number above, and they will be able to help you find a place near where you live.
Hang in there and feel the LOVE, ACCEPTANCE, and UNDERSTANDING from your SR new friends.
Here is a free number to call. 877-931-9142, Community Bridges, INC. Their value statement is:
We Value Human Life
The Sustaining of Human Life
And the Recovery of Human Life
Always With Dignity
I also work full time and went through their detox program. Many addicts using oxy and meth as well as alcohol were there during my stay.
All of us in this forum understand your feelings. We all have our demons. I wish you the best, but most certainly - please call the number above, and they will be able to help you find a place near where you live.
Hang in there and feel the LOVE, ACCEPTANCE, and UNDERSTANDING from your SR new friends.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Western NY
Posts: 1,209
Chris - I don't agree with your friends advice regarding "willpower". That is a prerequisite to quitting in my book, but it is more complicated than that. Have you tried kicking in the past? If so, how many days did you make it?
I do think there is a difference between wanting to quit, and being ready to quit. I had wanted to quit for years before I was ready to quit. When I was ready to quit I had come to the realization that I couldn't go on living the using life anymore. Something had to change dramatically and it needed to start happening immediately.
I do think there is a difference between wanting to quit, and being ready to quit. I had wanted to quit for years before I was ready to quit. When I was ready to quit I had come to the realization that I couldn't go on living the using life anymore. Something had to change dramatically and it needed to start happening immediately.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: California
Posts: 123
Chris - It took me 2 years to finally make the decision to check into an outpatient rehab. I wanted to quit way before but couldn't do it on my own. I wouldn't wait any longer and talk to your doctor about your options. Not many people want to do that because they are embarrassed about their situation but trust me, there are LOTS of us out there with the same exact problem and the doctors will be discreet about it. I have Kaiser insurance and they have a Chemical Dependency Rehab Program (CDRP). It was the best call I ever made. It's scary, but you will be just fine!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: California
Posts: 123
One more thing, you can do this while still working. I have a full time job and am tapering off pills under doctor supervision. Out patient program is working well for me and I don't have to take any time off work.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 684
Hi Chriscnc,
I am 17 days off opiates, and for a long time I had serious doubts about being able to do it.
There are a lot of approaches to this, no one of them is the right choice for everyone, but I am absolutely confident that you'll find an approach that will be right for you.
I was so terrified at the thought of how sick I was going to get that quitting cold turkey was too scary for me, so I tapered down over a period of about 3 weeks. Once I got down to one small dose a day I started making myself go longer and longer before taking another. After I got to about 30 hours between doses, I stopped entirely. It was a hard 3 weeks, but it was tolerable, and I don't even know how to adequately express the relief I feel now at being done with them.
I didn't come on here until just a couple days before my final dose, but I wish I had. The support I found here has been invaluable, and definitely pushed me toward the final step of letting go of the drugs all the way.
You are strong enough to do this, and there is lots of help available to you.
I am 17 days off opiates, and for a long time I had serious doubts about being able to do it.
There are a lot of approaches to this, no one of them is the right choice for everyone, but I am absolutely confident that you'll find an approach that will be right for you.
I was so terrified at the thought of how sick I was going to get that quitting cold turkey was too scary for me, so I tapered down over a period of about 3 weeks. Once I got down to one small dose a day I started making myself go longer and longer before taking another. After I got to about 30 hours between doses, I stopped entirely. It was a hard 3 weeks, but it was tolerable, and I don't even know how to adequately express the relief I feel now at being done with them.
I didn't come on here until just a couple days before my final dose, but I wish I had. The support I found here has been invaluable, and definitely pushed me toward the final step of letting go of the drugs all the way.
You are strong enough to do this, and there is lots of help available to you.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 684
Oh, and one more thing, all of the things you like about how opiates make you feel, that euphoria, energy, the feeling that you can conquer the world, those all go away, surprisingly quickly in my experience, and it becomes all about trying to maintain a basic level of functioning. It becomes all about making it through the day without being sick. The anxiety that comes with knowing you're about to run out without having already secured your next round is like nothing I've ever experienced.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Florida
Posts: 52
Let me just tell you--- Will power has nothing to do with it. It's the obsession of the mind.
I was addicted to pain killers for 3 years. 3 YEARS. I had to have them. Could not go thru my day without them. Unfortunately I had to detox in jail after I got arrested for possession. Detox sucks. Complete body ache. Fever. Headache. Restless legs. Sweating throughout the night. Couldn't even sleep. Man. It was hell.
I didn't have to go the suboxine route but I know people that have and they don't have to face the horrible detox. Why don't you give that a try? Seems like a start, right?
I just want you to know it IS possible!! NA meetings are where it's at. They have helped me to STAY clean and most importantly- saved my life.
I wish you the best of luck!
I was addicted to pain killers for 3 years. 3 YEARS. I had to have them. Could not go thru my day without them. Unfortunately I had to detox in jail after I got arrested for possession. Detox sucks. Complete body ache. Fever. Headache. Restless legs. Sweating throughout the night. Couldn't even sleep. Man. It was hell.
I didn't have to go the suboxine route but I know people that have and they don't have to face the horrible detox. Why don't you give that a try? Seems like a start, right?
I just want you to know it IS possible!! NA meetings are where it's at. They have helped me to STAY clean and most importantly- saved my life.
I wish you the best of luck!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
