GentleSoul

So many ups and downs this week. Last night I couldn't stop crying. It's been years and years since I had this happen. It's like once the flood gates opened I couldn't stop weeping. I awake feeling utterly exhausted. It's going to be a long day at work. I am trying to stay focused but the emotions are bombarding me and I don't feel like myself at all.

Ruby2

In the beginning when I first quit my emotions were all over the place. This is something big for you. It's okay to cry. It's exhausting but I also found I felt better after having a good cry. Hang in there.

gratitude28

Hey Gentle,
You need this. Alcohol and drugs mask feelings and allow you to stifle them. After so long, they sit, unattended.
I had a rough day and cried a lot yesterday. It was the first time in a while, but I really, really needed it.
Are you feeling any better?
Beth

Ruby2

GentleSoul, I read you earlier thread posts. Did you ever go to an AA meeting? It might help. Everything you have posted was true for me at one point. Thinking I was high functioning. Feeling it was unfair that other people could have one and be done and I couldn't. So I kept trying to be like them to prove I could do it but my drinking only got worse as I experimented and finally I just stopped trying to moderate at all.

What struck me was your one sentence. That you were surprised at the voices and laughter you heard from outside. Almost every single person in there has gone through what you are going through. They will understand and you will have someone to talk to who does understand. Crying is not a sign of weakness. One woman I met cried through the entire first meeting she attended. The last time I saw her she was smiling and laughing.

Just hang in there. Rest. Take care of yourself.

KateL

I will pass. Have a good cry, it's ok xxx

PurpleKnight

Day 5 is fantastic!! Keep pushing through!!

Dee74

Early recovery is rough. All those feelings we bottled up for years are now rushing out. It can be a little bit of a rollercoaster ride.

But it's not forever...things will settle and you'll find your emotional water level.

Feeling again is hard, especially if we don;t feel too good about ourselves...but give yourself a little time. I had no idea just how much alcohol clouded my perceptions of everything - even when I was sober.

It took a little while but I soon began to see things in a different light - even my opinion of myself

congrats on 5 days
D

GentleSoul

I appreciate everyone responding. It really means a lot. No, I have yet to make it to an AA meeting yet. I do have a therapist that I see on a regular basis which does help me greatly.

This week has been a whirlwind. Work is a major stressor at the moment and I think just making up my mind to stop drinking was another log thrown on the fire of my emotional well being. It's been a time of insane ups and downs- scary emotions for me such as extreme anger and uncontrollable crying. I feel embarrassed of my behaviour at home and at work.

I have a day off today to see my family doctor. I am poising to be honest with her and most likely seek antidepressants.... Something that I have been discussing with her about for over a year but now feel that it may be a logical next step for me now.

Thank you D for mentioning that your way of looking at yourself changed over time. I have really been noticing that my self talk and ultimately self worth has become skewed over the past few years. I've got a lot of healing ahead.

Thank you to all for your attention and care.

Alynn

It is a roller coaster in the beginning! I was angry and cried a lot.. It does get better.. It gets better as time goes by! Take good care of yourself.. I think you will be feeling a lot better soon

I can do all things through he who strengthens me

Jupiters

If I could draw a bar graph of my emotions the last few months it would be impossible to decipher. It would resemble a drawing a 4 year old would do with a crayon, allllllllllllllllll over the place!
It's normal don't worry....things slowly start to stabilize again over time. My negative self talk is getting a little quieter.

Cecilia44

After years of drinking I am refusing to give into negative self-talk. I experienced way too much of it while drunk or recovering from a drunk, now at Day 5 sober, I am training my brain to focus on positive. I have spent way to many years feeling sorry for myself and the things I have done drinking. When sober, I now refuse to feel that way.

I find myself on Day 5, just like you Gentle, to be quite weepy though. Sad and tearing up at shows on television that I don't believe warrant it. But you know what? It is a heck of a lot better than watching the same show drunk and feeling nothing.

Feel your feelings. It's o.k. to have them.

Hugs to you.

luvmygirls

Thank you for posting this, and congratulations on Day 5! That seems like an eternity for me (I'm on Day2). Last night and this morning, I was super irritable. I feel lucky to be at work right now because there are lots of people here who are positive distractions. Hang in there...we can do this...at least I think so! ;-)