Hold me accountable, SR!
One bad mombre.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Austin, Texas
Posts: 22
Hold me accountable, SR!
After the lameness that was last weekend, I know now that I can't do this alone. I am going to my first AA meeting this Saturday at 5:30. I've been reluctant to go, since it will be my first and I'm a little nervous, but I don't think I can make it through many more weekends without some help.
For some reason, posting this makes me feel like it's more official.
I would LOVE to hear some stories of others' first AA meetings. What was it like? Were you relieved after, or disappointed? Did you get what you needed from AA?
As always, thanks SR!
L
For some reason, posting this makes me feel like it's more official.
I would LOVE to hear some stories of others' first AA meetings. What was it like? Were you relieved after, or disappointed? Did you get what you needed from AA?
As always, thanks SR!
L
Guest
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 1,305
GOOD LUCK. I am right there with you, getting up the nerve to go to my first meeting in 6 years (the last time I kinda/sorta tried recovery). We can both do it. I keep trying to tell myself that I can't be the biggest mess they've ever seen. ;-)
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
My first AA meeting was mandated by the court of Los Angeles County.
I went, I sat there, I listened and didn't say much.
I spent the several weeks of my mandatory attendance silently categorizing the reasons I was different, wasn't like them, railing internally against all the God-speak.
That was back in 2004.
Then, I went back again not too long after my second DUI. This time wasn't mandated. Instead, it was after the combination of the DUI and a terrible blackout where I passed out and scared my kids gave me a hell of a wake up call that I couldn't ignore. So, back I went to AA for another "first time". This first time was different because I could no longer hide behind my rationalization that "I wasn't like them". I could no longer tell myself that things weren't "all that bad". And, though I still didn't care for the God-speak.... I could no longer deny that this was something I needed help beyond myself to deal with.
That first session I went still hungover and weak from the blackout bender. I was defeated and depressed and scared and emotional. What I got out of it was acceptance, support, a welcoming circle of other humans who had been right where I was and who told me that it didn't have to be like this anymore. I kept going back and I got something out of it every time.
After 5 months I stopped going to AA.... not long after that, I convinced myself I'd just needed a 'reset'. Now I was over it, it was behind me.... I could handle a few drinks now and then.
Thus began a year and a half of blackout binges and near-daily maintennce drinking, punctuated only by occasional half-hearted attempts to moderate and pledges in the shaky morning hours to quit... only to hit the liquor store again by midafternoon.
Finally, I went back to AA. I went back to AA for another "First Time". It wasn't the first time I went into the rooms, but it's the first time I honestly went into the rooms with a true desire to stop drinking for good and with a true openness to allow AA to help me.
Since THAT first time, I have embraced AA as a key tool in my sobriety. I don't go to meetings all the time. In fact, the past several months I've only gone from time to time. But I've begun working on the steps (a step one that ook me months but was thorough and written and honest). I have a distance sponsor I talk to frequently. I have a local old timer who has offered to guide me through the first 4 steps. I have SR almost daily. I go to meetings from time to time when I feel particularly in need. I continue to cultivate my own spirituality. I am not Christian and I don't envision "God" in the way many at AA do... but I am willing to allow the God-speak to speak to me in my own language and to let go of my defensiveness toward it to hear what it can bring to my sobriety.
I believe that anyone who goes to AA with an open mind, open heart and willingness to allow AA to speak to them will find tools and support and strength that will help their sobriety.
I wish you well in your first meeting.... good for you!
I went, I sat there, I listened and didn't say much.
I spent the several weeks of my mandatory attendance silently categorizing the reasons I was different, wasn't like them, railing internally against all the God-speak.
That was back in 2004.
Then, I went back again not too long after my second DUI. This time wasn't mandated. Instead, it was after the combination of the DUI and a terrible blackout where I passed out and scared my kids gave me a hell of a wake up call that I couldn't ignore. So, back I went to AA for another "first time". This first time was different because I could no longer hide behind my rationalization that "I wasn't like them". I could no longer tell myself that things weren't "all that bad". And, though I still didn't care for the God-speak.... I could no longer deny that this was something I needed help beyond myself to deal with.
That first session I went still hungover and weak from the blackout bender. I was defeated and depressed and scared and emotional. What I got out of it was acceptance, support, a welcoming circle of other humans who had been right where I was and who told me that it didn't have to be like this anymore. I kept going back and I got something out of it every time.
After 5 months I stopped going to AA.... not long after that, I convinced myself I'd just needed a 'reset'. Now I was over it, it was behind me.... I could handle a few drinks now and then.
Thus began a year and a half of blackout binges and near-daily maintennce drinking, punctuated only by occasional half-hearted attempts to moderate and pledges in the shaky morning hours to quit... only to hit the liquor store again by midafternoon.
Finally, I went back to AA. I went back to AA for another "First Time". It wasn't the first time I went into the rooms, but it's the first time I honestly went into the rooms with a true desire to stop drinking for good and with a true openness to allow AA to help me.
Since THAT first time, I have embraced AA as a key tool in my sobriety. I don't go to meetings all the time. In fact, the past several months I've only gone from time to time. But I've begun working on the steps (a step one that ook me months but was thorough and written and honest). I have a distance sponsor I talk to frequently. I have a local old timer who has offered to guide me through the first 4 steps. I have SR almost daily. I go to meetings from time to time when I feel particularly in need. I continue to cultivate my own spirituality. I am not Christian and I don't envision "God" in the way many at AA do... but I am willing to allow the God-speak to speak to me in my own language and to let go of my defensiveness toward it to hear what it can bring to my sobriety.
I believe that anyone who goes to AA with an open mind, open heart and willingness to allow AA to speak to them will find tools and support and strength that will help their sobriety.
I wish you well in your first meeting.... good for you!
One bad mombre.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Austin, Texas
Posts: 22
Thanks everybody! FreeOwl--I appreciate your mentioning the "god stuff." I'm a pretty devout atheist, and I would be lying if I said the religious aspect of AA didn't make me wary. I know that many have been able to follow the steps without subscribing to the traditional Christian "god" idea, but my fear is that I won't be able to get past it and work the program in my own way. I guess I won't know until I try.
Recovered
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 1,129
Originally Posted by SoberLaura 
Thanks everybody! FreeOwl--I appreciate your mentioning the "god stuff." I'm a pretty devout atheist, and I would be lying if I said the religious aspect of AA didn't make me wary. I know that many have been able to follow the steps without subscribing to the traditional Christian "god" idea, but my fear is that I won't be able to get past it and work the program in my own way. I guess I won't know until I try.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
