patricia68

I relapsed again.

My father in law moved in with us. It wasn't unexpected. We talked, and planned, we knew it was coming, and I was ok with it.

But when the moment arrived I panicked. He is not a horrible person at all. Just has annoying quirks like the rest of us. But it is a huge change in our lives and our routines. And I didn't plan well enough how to handle it.

And to make matters worse he brought me several bottles of wine as a thank you gift. He didn't know about my struggles with alcohol. He is an alcoholic himself...

I need help...please...

How do I live with my husband who drinks moderately on weekends and an alcoholic father in law? How do I pick myself up after days of binging? How do I stop drinking when there's beer in the fridge all the time?

Is there any hope for me?

SadieJack

Oh dear... having an active alcoholic in your home while you are trying to quit is not going to work. I would talk it over with your husband and see about finding another place for your FIL. This is YOUR life and YOUR home and you have every right to make your environment safe for YOU!! Good luck

heath480

Patricia,many Alcoholics get sober even though they are living with another Alcoholic.It is not easy but it is doable,you have to want sobriety above all else.

We have no control over what others do.

Make a decision to stay away from the first drink whatever happens.

If possible move out for a while,but if you can't don't use other people drinking as an excuse for you to carry on.

I wish you well.

littlefish

Is he staying for a long time? I quit drinking with 2 drinkers in the house. Not alcoholics, but frequent and regular drinkers. It wasn't easy, and not an optimum situation. For a while I had all the liquor locked up in a cabinet! For a while I used antabuse. For a while I did both.
It was a frustrating and sometimes infuriating situation, but I did get eventually get sober with the drinking in my house. Essentially I came to understand that I could take antabuse, (lock myself) or lock the cabinet up, but I would still want to drink.
A psychic change needed to happen: and it finally did.
A program helped.

ScottFromWI

A couple of thoughts Patricia:

You didn't drink because your father in law moved in, you drank because you are an alcoholic. Don't let your addiction justify the drinking, see it for what it is.

You knew he was coming and you say that you planned for it. Did you not even discuss your drinking as part of that plan? If you didn't I'd suggest that the very next thing you need to do is have a discussion as a group and bring those issues wide out into the open. It is your house, and you set the boundaries for what is acceptable and what is not.

I would personally tell him it's fine if he wants to live with you ( assuming you have said it is ) but he's not allowed to have alcohol in the house. It sounds extreme, but can you honestly say that you'll be able to stay sober if he's drinking all the time? If you cannot, then either you will have to leave or he will - and since it's your home in the first place he should be the one leaving IMHO.

PurpleKnight

It's definitely not easy, but there's always going to be drinkers, our Sobriety must be ours and not dependant on anyone else!!

For me I needed to get into the mind frame of I am now a "non drinker", everyone else can do what they want but I am now joining the millions of other people who are "non drinkers"!!

You can do this!!

leah333

Of course there's hope for you! I am currently 10 days sober after drinking basically daily for many years. The first few days everyone kept saying it gets easier and I soooo am hanging on to that. I will say that between day 8 and 9 I noticed I felt a great deal better in terms of irritability. This morning I had a super cranky 2 year old and normally her fits make me so so so short tempered and frustrated but this morning I was able to deal with her and actually remain cool headed. You can do this!!!

least

It's more difficult to stop drinking around other drinkers, but it's not impossible. It depends on how badly you want to be sober. Tell your father in law that you quit drinking and then show them you mean it. You can do this.

resolute50

Don't feel defeated.
Believe it or not you're much stronger than you think.

Pete55

Consider buying his one of those small bar fridge just for his alcohol ?

ghostdad

Communication is the answer. Family meeting - you, your husband and your father in law. Come clean about you being an alcoholic and you can't have the temptations in your early recovery. Let them come up with a plan and solution that will help you. You don't need to do this alone and I am sure they will be very understanding.

patricia68

You are right Heath, I think deep inside I was waiting for an opportunity to make an excuse and drink again thinking it wouldn't be so bad this time...

patricia68

Thank you so much Littlefish, you have no idea how much better I feel after reading your post. You gave me so much hope. Thank you.

patricia68

I love your posts Scott, your honesty is exactly what I need. Thank you.

I'm not 100% sure if I can. But at the same time his addiction is an eye opener for me. I don't want to spend the next 30 years of my life drinking like he did. And I definitely don't want to look and smell like him. Maybe if I could gather the strength and faith...I could use him as my motivation for quitting? Does it make sense?

patricia68

I couldn't agree more! Why would I ruin my life just because everybody else is doing it?

But my mind is stubborn right now, how do I get into the mind frame of "I am a non drinker now"? My hangover AV won't stop talking about the "next time when you are feeling better"

Anna

Patricia, I think Scott is so right. I 'was' an alcoholic and it was easy to put the blame elsewhere as to why I couldn't/wouldn't stop.

I think this is about boundaries and for you to speak up and say what's important for you. Do you want the alcohol kept in the garage? Do you want to be able to go to your own room when others are drinking? Decide what will work for you and then discuss it with your family, keeping in mind that you have the right to your own feelings about this.

I know you will be able to do this.

sprout50

Wow, this one is tough. If your father in law is an alcoholic and living with you, this is more than being around drinking here and there and staying sober. How is his behavior when he drinks? Is he willing to quit? Is he willing to repect your boundaries when it comes to alcohol? I think you need to have a family chat and work from there.

We are here for you!

patricia68

You are right Anna, the more I think about it the more I realize I was making an excuse to go back drinking and blaming others for it.

patricia68

He's a "functioning" alcoholic. But I don't think he has any intentions of quitting.

PurpleKnight

For me that's where support came into the picture, you're quite right, my own mind also wanted me to drink after I felt physically better after a week or so, and in isolation I would have had that drink.

So I needed something outside of myself to keep me focused, even if it's only checking out SR daily and reading the threads, I found it a healthy reminder to keep my resolve, and also in very rough times, there's loads of support to get you through!!