sigint

Hi all,

Its been ~5 months since I've been here... and I'm sad to say that for the last ~4 months I have lost the way (after 3 months sober). Started out slow, escalated fast. This past weekend I suffered blackout-concussion unlike any alcohol-related injury previously experienced. This frightens me and I have had enough. Its just not worth it anymore.

Really though, its not been worth it and I've had enough since... ~4 months ago.

Alaskachick

Sorry to hear that you’ve been struggling but I'm also glad you’re back and ready to give it another shot. The support you’ll find here is amazing!!!

sigint

Thanks Alaskachick. The support here helped a lot the first go around- enough that I know I can do it again.

We got this!

Meraviglioso

I am struggling with continued relapses, I understand where you are coming from. It is so frustrating and frightening. It is time for both of us to pull it together and get back at it.
You can do this, remember "nothing to it, but to do it!" (a lot easier said than done!! but let's try!)

Dee74

Good to see you back sigint

Thought about what you might do different this time?

D

Change4good

Congrats on returning to sobriety. Quite frankly, it used to annoy me when folks would ask, "What are you going to do differently? But it is the question that must be asked.

I kept doing what I had been doing, of course getting the same results. Best of luck to you, and lean on us.

llastchance8

" The definition of insanity is, to keep doing same thing again and again and expecting different results.." A very straight and profound statement made by some wise man..

luvmygirls

The idea that every relapse just gets worse and worse is so terrifying. I'm sorry you're going through this. Take care and good luck.

sprout50

I am glad you came back here. I am with Dee on this one. What are you going to do differently? Do you have a plan for those weak moments?

Soberwolf

I agree your life deserves better than this

good luck

lorothar

This is day 1 for me too, I have had enough. We can get through this! Fight the good fight!!

Best of luck to you!

GirlinASwing

After going through a rehab program about 3 years ago... I slowing began drinking again. It would be when we go out to eat... and then, buy some beer for a day at home. It may not have been often, but when I drank, I would have too much.

Now I am realizing, the time I lose, the shame I battle, the time it takes me to 'live down' an embarrassment... is a death I don't deserve. When I drink, someone is getting rich while I am dying. I am paying an assassin. This is insanity.

SO now---I am seeking out empathy and encouragement from all of you. I've been judged enough and that surely doesn't help. On top of that, I am DID. But hey---why not be interesting?---right?

God bless you as we all heal together.

PurpleKnight

Welcome back!! You can do this!!

sigint

Thanks guys, it is good to be back for sure. This is a great question.

What I had done before worked quite well... while it worked. I had a game plan and adjusted the plan when it needed improving etc. But there was one glaring flaw. First part of the flaw: I started out setting goals to make it through the next day, the next weekend. Then after 2 months I hit a point where I stopped setting small goals, like a contentedness. Second part of the flaw: Towards the end of April/mid May I had a number of important events that centred around one of the reasons I sought sobriety in the first place. Slowly, a sliver of a thought began forming. 'Maybe this is a sort of goal- make it through these events.' Well the rest of the story is pretty simple. I made it through those events just fine and found myself with a congratulatory drink in my hand.

So to answer the question what I'm going to do differently:

For both of these, I'd say that a general strategy would be talking about this with more people and plan more events to look forward to. Last go around I did it on my own (with the exception of all of you ). For the second item, more journalling and thought-awareness in times of stress (like important events...)

sigint

Very profound- and applicable. Thanks!