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Old 09-16-2014, 10:53 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Hello Sober people.


Hi, um....I am considering diving into sobriety. I don't know if I'm ready, because there are times I think drinking and smoking pot actually do help me, ?? Relax and get rid of stress, but I have a hard time controlling my drinking.
I also feel very out of step with 95% of the world though, and I am very withdrawn from people socially, so being drunk is pretty much the only way I'm able to socialize frankly, and I'm afraid if I do away with it, I'm going to become full on hermit. pick your poison?
Anyone relate or have advice??
An old high school friend who I was just telling my sister, I felt was
Like one of the only people I could currently relate to ( we're not wen that close- just FB friends) anyway, he hung himself today.
Drugs played a big part, he was on a bender before, but it made
Me think, wonder if there was any way to learn to connect with people, socially, without drinking.
I dunno. I just wish I could feel ore normal, and not like all the happy people in the world are behind glass.
Do you think sobriety would help?
Thanks
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Old 09-16-2014, 11:49 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Hi TipsyHedron,
Stopping drinking has helped me be more social. I used to retreat home by myself so I could drink. Now I stay longer at social events enjoying myself. I am also much more confident. I'm four months sober. It is hard at first but you see results in good time.

I'm really sorry about your friend. I hope you try sobriety. It will change your path I know.
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Old 09-17-2014, 12:07 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Hi Tipsy

I can very much relate to your situation. I suffer from rather severe social anxiety and for almost 10 years I used drugs and alcohol to connect with and to meet other people, it worked quite well for many years (I met all of my long term partners when I was totally smashed) but then the drugs and booze became a huge problem in themselves and got me into a lot of trouble. The good started to outweigh the bad and I became more and more out of control.

I ended up in court appointed rehab for 6 months, during which time I got totally clean and sober, it took me about 3-4 months of quite bad anxiety and lots of effort on my part, before I started to be able to relate to to other people well, and without booze or drugs to help my unhealthy self-obsession and anxiety. During that time I did therapy, went to regular NA and AA meetings (my worst nightmare, but I did it!), I learnt to mediate and I pushed myself into social situations, and even when they went bad and left me wanting to disappear I sucked it up and went back. That's what it took for me to get to a space where I could do connect enjoyably with other people on a regular basis.

I hear your frustration about just wanting to feel 'normal', all I can say is that if it wasn't for being forced to be clean and sober through court, I never would of thought it was possible for me to feel 'normal', but after giving my brain a break and doing a lot of the right things for myself, I came good.

I hope you find the same on your path as I did on mine. Getting clean and sober was the best thing I ever did in my life. I hope you find the strength to do the same.

I'm also very sorry for your loss.
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Old 09-17-2014, 12:31 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Hi there and welcome here. I also thought alcohol helped me... until it didn't. Now it is just one, HUGE problem.
YOu know what, it is OK, totally ok, to feel out of step with 95% of the population. It is ok to be different. That doesn't solve the issue that most of us, at least I think so, long for some sort of human contact and the feeling that we relate to someone else and are understood. I can tell you that while alcohol and drugs may give you the initial boost of courage to put yourself out there, they will only hinder your ability to get to know someone and connect with others on a deep, meaningful level. It is precisely this deep, meaningful level that you find yourself very much "in step" with others.
I am not someone who suffers from social anxiety. That said, when I am drinking I am absolutely not connecting with anyone around me on any level. I'm just there. Nothing very meaningful happening in my interactions. When I take away the alcohol the doors to real intimacy between loved ones and friends start opening.
No doubt, for someone with social anxiety this could be very scary. The nightmare that is full blown alcoholism is much scarier.
I am sorry you lost your friend, I can imagine that must be a tragic and huge loss for you. It may be a useful path for you to honor his memory and your friendship by cleaning yourself up and making the most of your life. Difficult, but he and YOU are worth it. Best of luck.
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Old 09-17-2014, 01:19 AM   #5 (permalink)
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I'm sorry for your loss Tipsy.

Yeah I think being sober would help a lot.

I was 40 years old with little idea of how to relate to people, solve problems or essential function as an adult without booze or pot.

Adolescence was fun - but not for 30 years.

I like who I am now, I love my life, and I can look at myself in the eyes in the mirror again.

All that makes it very much worth it for me

D
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Old 09-17-2014, 04:17 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
I'm sorry for your loss Tipsy.

Yeah I think being sober would help a lot.

I was 40 years old with little idea of how to relate to people, solve problems or essential function as an adult without booze or pot.

Adolescence was fun - but not for 30 years.

I like who I am now, I love my life, and I can look at myself in the eyes in the mirror again.

All that makes it very much worth it for me

D
This post is not only amazing but i can testify since ive been here D has been aconstant source of help to me and a lot (a lot) of others

proof it can change !!!!!

i never thought i could stop drinking

i swear on anything that a sober life is the best life by far

my advice is listen to D aswell as ppl who have been thru what you been thru

best life ive experienced these last 14 months sober feels great im me again !!!!
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Old 09-17-2014, 04:19 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Dive right in, you will enjoy it. Love the username x
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Old 09-17-2014, 09:53 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Welcome to the Forum!! Great to have you here!!
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