lorothar

I am an alcohol addict. I drink every day after work, always in the evenings. I can't have just one beer, I want a buzz so I take shots with my beer but then that initial 'good' feeling goes away so I drink more to try and keep a buzz. Before I know it, I am drunk. I used to hate alcohol about 5 years ago because my father drank every night and was a complete jerk. Slowly over time I started to drink with him. Now I live with my girlfriend whom doesn't care that I drink because I am always a sweet guy but last night apparently I was a jerk and I don't remember anything after 8pm.

Every morning I tell myself I am going to quit and then after work around 6pm those cravings come back. Last fall I managed to quit for 3 days but on the following day I drank and the cycle started all over again. I want to quit so bad...I feel like my senses are dull and the things in life I used to enjoy aren't fun unless I drink, like playing games on my computer at night.

God help the beast in me..

littlefish

Welcome: you came to the right place. We all understand those feelings you describe, and have been trapped in the vicious cycle you are experiencing.
Have you considered a program of recovery?

Findingtheway

Hello Lorothar.

I relate to everything you posted. I'm an alcoholic as well.

I drank after work...Usually at night...It continues though, it's progressive...Eventually i started drinking in the mornings...At the office ANYWHERE ANYTIME.

I've been through rehab twice because of this...If you are experiencing LOSS of CONTROL with your drinking then i would encourage you to attempt a program of recovery.

AA and SR seem to be working for me. I am 3 weeks sober today.

I've had several slips and falls...But i know the next *slip* will end badly. It very well may kill me. No JOKE.

I can't drink safely...at all...Once i start i don't know how to stop.

I wish you well. There is help. But we need to want it More than we want to drink.

It's tough. But you CAN do it.

biminiblue

We understand. You said, "God help..."

I believe He just has.

You are in a good and safe place here. We will walk beside you as you take back your life.

Welcome.

lorothar

I want to have the strength to quit on my own, and do not want to face my girlfriends disappointment of me NEEDING to go to AA meetings or any kinds of programs like that. I feel she would suddenly realize that my drinking is a very serious problem and resent me. She currently finds me very responsible with my drinking as I am not a mean drunk, I am a sweet goofy drunk (with the exception of last night apparently)

I feel my drinking is a serious problem. However I make excuses that maybe it's not as bad as I think it is. I am only 26 yrs old, my best friend drinks almost every night and is responsible like I am. My brother brews his own beer and drinks every night too--is happily married etc. All the people I look up to around me drink which makes it even more difficult to quit.

I am just not sure what to do

biminiblue

I stopped drinking in my early thirties without AA, and didn't drink for 18 years. I did read a lot of books, though, and talked a bit about my past to a close friend. I think it's important to understand oneself and how to navigate life...no one really teaches us that in school/college. I think alcoholics are maladjusted to life in general - maybe due to their pasts, but definitely I used alcohol to escape emotions and escape dealing with the problems of day to day life.

How about some recovery books? There are many ways to sobriety and they don't all go through AA.

If you feel alcohol is a problem to you, that's all that matters. No one else's journey with alcohol has any bearing on what you do.

SadieJack

Just a question here... is it your girlfriend's disappointment or your own?

It is hard to ask for help...I get that. But if you think it is necessary, then you must seek help. As for your GF, she would want you to be happy and healthy wouldn't she? Surely she would not resent you for getting help.

lorothar

My craving and addiction for alcohol has made me very convincing to her that drinking is not a problem, and I am responsible with it, and she agrees. We have a very good relationship and I guess I don't want her to suddenly think I was lying this whole time--even though in my heart I know I was.

I guess that's why I came to this forum, I want the support of people whom have been in the same boat--but support in a discrete way..if that makes sense. If I just suddenly stop drinking she would ask why but would be happy either way.

I just cant believe how much different I am now compared to how I was 4 years ago when I didn't drink. Is that just because I am older now, or is it because of the booze?

biminiblue

"I realized now would be a good time to quit before it gets worse."

"I think I might have been minimalizing the extent of my drinking, now I'm going to make a change."

^^something like that isn't a lie, and it addresses her question (that I might add, she hasn't even asked, yet )

lorothar

How will my life change in the upcoming days and weeks if I quit? Will my senses be more keen? Will my moods improve? The things I used to find fun before drinking that aren't as fun anymore without alcohol, will they be fun again?

Just trying to fill my head with motivators.

Anna

If you stop drinking, your life will improve.

I don't use AA or a specific program either, but I am concerned that you are not being honest with your girlfriend. Telling lies/denial is a big part of addiction and it's important to deal with that.

lorothar

I am ready to deal with it, I am tired of feeling this way. My gf is the sweetest person ever, and I feel she deserves a better me. I just hope those cravings don't get the best of me. I need to find a way to get my mind off the cravings..

endlesspatience

"I want to have the strength to quit on my own"

That's the most difficult way, though. Just look at the thousands of people who have posted on this Forum and you'll see very clearly that people who tried to do it on their own fail most of the time.

Those who ask for help and support do much better and it's a whole lot more enjoyable.

For example, I have a few friends in recovery I meet every few days and speak to almost daily. We've become close buddies and share a lot of our experiences and support each other.

Just knowing they're also sober and doing stuff to STAY sober is really motivating for me.

You're worried about your relationship with your GF but reaching out to sober people as friends is likely to enhance that relationship too.

littlefish

One good thing you will get out of SR and/or a program is new language. If you had heart disease, would you tell people you want to have the strength to heal on your own? Of course you wouldn't! You would tell your doc to help you and you wouldn't see the healing as a question of personal strength or willpower. I don't see alcoholism as a weakness or a failing.
I too was worried what my husband would think and how he would react to an admission of alcoholism. When I finally told him one day, and shared with him my fears about it, it felt like the weight of the world was lifted from my shoulders.

It was so important for me to discuss my problem with him. On the other hand, I did not involve him in my journey of recovery. I went to meetings, I went to a therapist, but I didn't discuss it with him.

As far as looking around at people who can drink and feeling that it's not fair, sure, that might happen. but I found that I eventually embraced being different. I know I cannot drink. Now I am okay with it and can go to parties and be around alcohol and be perfectly comfortable. That said, I had a period, for quite a long time in early recovery, when I couldn't be around it. It's, as someone here said, a journey, not an event.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum!!

I discovered I needed some form of support to break the cycle, here on SR you'll find loads!!

freshstart57

It's saddening to see this conclusion made, that folks can't quit 'on their own' because we don't read about their struggles here in these pages. That's just it, you see? They are successful and because of that, they aren't here! The ones you read about here are almost exclusively those who are not successful. This conclusion fails to pass a logical test.

Most formerly addicted to alcohol really do exactly that. Quit on their own.

You also seem to have missed the posts from the stalwarts here who remain to spread exactly this message.

Lorothar, don't let others limitations become your own. You already have inside you what you need to quit. You may need some help in finding it, but what you need is already there.

Start by believing in yourself and your ability to do this most important thing. What can happen to you if you start to believe you will succeed because you must? You most certainly can quit, and quit for good.

luvmygirls

I'm the last person who should be giving advice, but I can tell you what didn't work for me...trying to do it on my own, or my own way. I think I really had to become very low, and desperate enough to be truly humbled and try absolutely anything. It took 25 years. (At 26, I was miserable but not even close to desperate). I hope it doesn't take that long for you.

Dee74

Hi and welcome Lorothar

I got sober with SR. I wanted to quit. I was willing to do what it took to quit and the support and encouragement I found here helped immeasurably,

This community saved me, so I really don't think I quit on my own, but I don't belong to any programme either.

I do think face to face support must be easier for a lot of folks tho.
How can it not be?

In the end tho, it's your choice.

Let me know if you want a list of recovery method links

D

_____________________________________

Mod hat time...

If I can address everyone - this thread doesn't need to turn into a recovery debate, guys.

I think it's best we all just keep sharing our personal experience - don't worry about other peoples experiences.

Any one reading can surely decide for themselves which way it is they want to go

thanks

Dee
Moderator
SR

Soberwolf

You can do it D is a great source of advice

Alynn

Yes HE is my helper!

I can relate to the wanting to hold on to the buzz. I was chasing that short term feeling also... It melted everything away but only escalated problems and added onto them... For me it got easier with time... The more days I have sober the easier it gets... I'm only focusing on today and getting through it with grace, SR, and my support group...