Jealousy
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Lawrence, KS
Posts: 250
Jealousy
Sooo. I've been noticing the last couple days that I am jealous of - pretty much everybody that's not me.
I'm jealous of my Dad, with his two years' sobriety and firm footing in AA. It's his first bout with recovery and it seems to be sticking. He got two months inpatient rehab in a scenic treatment center back east. I'm jealous of that too.
I'm jealous of folks with years of recovery under their belts. I covet their wisdom and humility and patience.
I'm jealous of those still in the ruts of their addictions - even with all the pain it brings. I'm jealous of their ignorance.
I'm jealous of those with jobs and a means to pay for their rent, car, life.
I'm jealous of those whose only concerns seem to be what they're going to eat for dinner tonight, whether or not they're going to set their alarm for 6 or 6:30, and what they're going to wear today.
I'm jealous of people who've never struggled with addictions.
~~~
And that's just to list a few. Idk, the last time(s) I was sober, I never had these feelings of jealousy. I don't know if they're healthy - that they represent a DESIRE within me to be better, to improve, etc., or if it's my AV aiding and abetting the ongoing pity-party in my head.
I feel like I'm in a glass cage, that I'm not participating in recovery, that I'm just an onlooker, stuck in a trap and can't get out. I'm sober, I'm going to meetings, and I know that's about all that's required in early recovery... but still. These feelings of jealousy are confusing me. It's very "not me", so to speak.
Just had to air the sheets and get that out there. Harumph.
I'm jealous of my Dad, with his two years' sobriety and firm footing in AA. It's his first bout with recovery and it seems to be sticking. He got two months inpatient rehab in a scenic treatment center back east. I'm jealous of that too.
I'm jealous of folks with years of recovery under their belts. I covet their wisdom and humility and patience.
I'm jealous of those still in the ruts of their addictions - even with all the pain it brings. I'm jealous of their ignorance.
I'm jealous of those with jobs and a means to pay for their rent, car, life.
I'm jealous of those whose only concerns seem to be what they're going to eat for dinner tonight, whether or not they're going to set their alarm for 6 or 6:30, and what they're going to wear today.
I'm jealous of people who've never struggled with addictions.
~~~
And that's just to list a few. Idk, the last time(s) I was sober, I never had these feelings of jealousy. I don't know if they're healthy - that they represent a DESIRE within me to be better, to improve, etc., or if it's my AV aiding and abetting the ongoing pity-party in my head.
I feel like I'm in a glass cage, that I'm not participating in recovery, that I'm just an onlooker, stuck in a trap and can't get out. I'm sober, I'm going to meetings, and I know that's about all that's required in early recovery... but still. These feelings of jealousy are confusing me. It's very "not me", so to speak.
Just had to air the sheets and get that out there. Harumph.
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Sobriety doesn't happen in the future tense, it happens in the here and now, every minute and hour that ticks by that's you doing it and making it happen, you are achieving Sobriety here in the present!!
So don't be too hard on yourself, it's also going to take time for things to adjust as your body/mind adjust to not having alcohol, my mind was all over the place for the first few weeks, plenty of questions and emotions, with very few answers, but that was ok!!
Focus on Sobriety, that's the foundation of the whole thing, everything else in life can be built upon that, but it's going to take time!!
You can do this!! Hang in there!!
So don't be too hard on yourself, it's also going to take time for things to adjust as your body/mind adjust to not having alcohol, my mind was all over the place for the first few weeks, plenty of questions and emotions, with very few answers, but that was ok!!
Focus on Sobriety, that's the foundation of the whole thing, everything else in life can be built upon that, but it's going to take time!!
You can do this!! Hang in there!!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
I'll give you a few minutes to think of a different word than jealous.
oh, I got one, maybe resentfulness? I spent years being "jealous" of what others had - or did not. When I finally realized that I had to accept myself as I am, it freed me from my concerns of others. I no longer coveted things, I no longer worried what people thought of me, I became my own person.
And that allowed me to focus on myself and my immediate needs. Once I was able to do that, there was a burden lifted from my shoulders. It was a kind of freedom for me. For the first time in years my only concern was doing what I had to in order to address the problems I faced. No outside influences could change the state or position I was in. I did it to myself. I am learning to deal with it. Getting outside help in learning how to do that for myself was also instrumental in my moving forward. BUT, my thoughts about others really was of no use to me.
Hope I made sense.
oh, I got one, maybe resentfulness? I spent years being "jealous" of what others had - or did not. When I finally realized that I had to accept myself as I am, it freed me from my concerns of others. I no longer coveted things, I no longer worried what people thought of me, I became my own person.
And that allowed me to focus on myself and my immediate needs. Once I was able to do that, there was a burden lifted from my shoulders. It was a kind of freedom for me. For the first time in years my only concern was doing what I had to in order to address the problems I faced. No outside influences could change the state or position I was in. I did it to myself. I am learning to deal with it. Getting outside help in learning how to do that for myself was also instrumental in my moving forward. BUT, my thoughts about others really was of no use to me.
Hope I made sense.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 809
SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO understand!!!!!!!!!
I think that we can only feel "jealous" of somebody if we feel they have something better than us. We have to see them as being "higher" on the scale of life success than we are.
Of course when we first come into recovery, we feel like the worst people alive. We've damaged relationships, hurt ourselves, consistently acted against our own moral integrity until we feel like the lowest of the low.
It's completely NORMAL to feel like everybody else has something you want.
As we work on ourselves in our recovery, we start to grow, change, become healthier, mend those relationships we've destroyed, become the people we were intended to be from the start. Our confidence grows, and we start to love ourselves again.
The jealous will subside.
I think that we can only feel "jealous" of somebody if we feel they have something better than us. We have to see them as being "higher" on the scale of life success than we are.
Of course when we first come into recovery, we feel like the worst people alive. We've damaged relationships, hurt ourselves, consistently acted against our own moral integrity until we feel like the lowest of the low.
It's completely NORMAL to feel like everybody else has something you want.
As we work on ourselves in our recovery, we start to grow, change, become healthier, mend those relationships we've destroyed, become the people we were intended to be from the start. Our confidence grows, and we start to love ourselves again.
The jealous will subside.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Lawrence, KS
Posts: 250
Originally Posted by LBrain 
I'll give you a few minutes to think of a different word than jealous.
oh, I got one, maybe resentfulness? I spent years being "jealous" of what others had - or did not. When I finally realized that I had to accept myself as I am, it freed me from my concerns of others. I no longer coveted things, I no longer worried what people thought of me, I became my own person.
And that allowed me to focus on myself and my immediate needs. Once I was able to do that, there was a burden lifted from my shoulders. It was a kind of freedom for me. For the first time in years my only concern was doing what I had to in order to address the problems I faced. No outside influences could change the state or position I was in. I did it to myself. I am learning to deal with it. Getting outside help in learning how to do that for myself was also instrumental in my moving forward. BUT, my thoughts about others really was of no use to me.
Hope I made sense.
oh, I got one, maybe resentfulness? I spent years being "jealous" of what others had - or did not. When I finally realized that I had to accept myself as I am, it freed me from my concerns of others. I no longer coveted things, I no longer worried what people thought of me, I became my own person.
And that allowed me to focus on myself and my immediate needs. Once I was able to do that, there was a burden lifted from my shoulders. It was a kind of freedom for me. For the first time in years my only concern was doing what I had to in order to address the problems I faced. No outside influences could change the state or position I was in. I did it to myself. I am learning to deal with it. Getting outside help in learning how to do that for myself was also instrumental in my moving forward. BUT, my thoughts about others really was of no use to me.
Hope I made sense.
I agree though, a lot of it boils down to acceptance. Though I think - and maybe I'm wrong - I'm pretty accepting of where I am right now. I can totally accept that I am powerless over alcohol and that my on/off switch is broken in that regard. I'm 100% okay with that. I can accept that I'm broke and that I don't have a job and that all my relationships are not what they should be. I can accept that it may take me years to rebuild.
I don't know what to DO after accepting it all though. There's a disconnect for me, where you say
When I finally realized that I had to accept myself as I am, it freed me from my concerns of others. I no longer coveted things, I no longer worried what people thought of me, I became my own person.
And that allowed me to focus on myself and my immediate needs.
And that allowed me to focus on myself and my immediate needs.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Lawrence, KS
Posts: 250
Originally Posted by LBrain
rg, I posted something maybe provocative.
anyway, I'm heading out to a T Petty concert - my ride is here. gotta run for now.
best wishes LB
anyway, I'm heading out to a T Petty concert - my ride is here. gotta run for now.
best wishes LB
Gosh, Tom Petty!!! Enjoy, man!
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: CA
Posts: 210
I can relate in that I compare myself to others often. And yes, I get jealoous over others outsides- confidence, peace etc. especially when I compare that to my insides. It does not match and I feel inadequate. Not healthy to do but it is a tough habit to break.
You mentioned you are powerless over alcohol. We are also powerless over many things including people and many circumstances. The only thing we can control is our actions and with work our attitudes. Those are the things you should focus on. It takes practice and time. Saying the serenity prayer can help to keep these things in mind.
You mentioned you are powerless over alcohol. We are also powerless over many things including people and many circumstances. The only thing we can control is our actions and with work our attitudes. Those are the things you should focus on. It takes practice and time. Saying the serenity prayer can help to keep these things in mind.
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,494
I think early recovery is a very humbling experience.
I had been envious of others before and during my drinking years. I believed that everyone was smarter, prettier, wealthier, etc than I was. When I hit bottom, all that fell away and I began to look inward. It was the beginning of the journey.
I had been envious of others before and during my drinking years. I believed that everyone was smarter, prettier, wealthier, etc than I was. When I hit bottom, all that fell away and I began to look inward. It was the beginning of the journey.
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,887
I remember, in my cups, I had a raging inferiority complex. I'm talking, I just sat in the couch and drank bottles of wine every night and snarked my way through the evening, watching out the window at all those other people who didn't have my struggle filled life.
God, it was a miserable existence.
My pity pot was huge. Enough to feed the world. No one had it as bad as me. And the more I fell into that trap, the more I justified drinking. Woe is me. Wash, rinse, repeat.
When I started getting serious about not wanting to feel like I was going to die everyday (aka "Sobriety") slowly I started gaining some self respect. Not gaining it "back" because I never really had any. But simply by putting one sober foot in front if the other, day after day, regardless of how life kicked my butt that day, I started finding my footing.
And I started to genuinely like myself. Who knew that underneath all the booze and substances, there was a really cool broad in there that was just waiting to be freed ?
Not in an Ego based way, where I thought I was better than everyone else. But, finally, in sobriety, I started to feel like maybe I wasn't the waste of space I had come to believe I was. That I had become as a result of my addiction.
It took time. And commitment. And failure. And recommitment. And a genuine willingness to listen to those that are having success with sobriety and following their lead. There is so much wisdom here.
You got a helluva great head on those shoulders. You've got what it takes to do this.
God, it was a miserable existence.
My pity pot was huge. Enough to feed the world. No one had it as bad as me. And the more I fell into that trap, the more I justified drinking. Woe is me. Wash, rinse, repeat.
When I started getting serious about not wanting to feel like I was going to die everyday (aka "Sobriety") slowly I started gaining some self respect. Not gaining it "back" because I never really had any. But simply by putting one sober foot in front if the other, day after day, regardless of how life kicked my butt that day, I started finding my footing.
And I started to genuinely like myself. Who knew that underneath all the booze and substances, there was a really cool broad in there that was just waiting to be freed ?
Not in an Ego based way, where I thought I was better than everyone else. But, finally, in sobriety, I started to feel like maybe I wasn't the waste of space I had come to believe I was. That I had become as a result of my addiction.
It took time. And commitment. And failure. And recommitment. And a genuine willingness to listen to those that are having success with sobriety and following their lead. There is so much wisdom here.
You got a helluva great head on those shoulders. You've got what it takes to do this.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Lawrence, KS
Posts: 250
Thank you, alphaomega. I believe perhaps that yes, under all this rot, lies a pretty nifty chick. It's just a matter of clearing house, and, well, that's a dirty process.
Hahaha, Leah, you crack me up. Good case in point.
Hahaha, Leah, you crack me up. Good case in point.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,426
There's absolutely nothing I've done too RogueDreams.
Try and be patient tho - in recovery, I really believe the journey is the thing, not the destination
You're right where you need to be right now
D
Try and be patient tho - in recovery, I really believe the journey is the thing, not the destination
You're right where you need to be right now
D
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,887
Originally Posted by roguedreams
I believe perhaps that yes, under all this rot, lies a pretty nifty chick. It's just a matter of clearing house, and, well, that's a dirty process.
You are quite well versed. I enjoy your quips. Ever thought about a profession in writing ?
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Lawrence, KS
Posts: 250
Originally Posted by alphaomega
But so damn worth the fight.
You are quite well versed. I enjoy your quips. Ever thought about a profession in writing ?
You are quite well versed. I enjoy your quips. Ever thought about a profession in writing ?
~~~
Thanks, Dee. I truly appreciate you taking the time to pop in and offer reassurance, it really helps.
I know I'm right where I belong - no matter how much I dislike it, no matter how glum I may be over my current state of affairs. Perhaps my biggest regret at the moment is that I took a job that is inherently entrenched in alcohol - so now I'm not only sober (woo!) but sober AND broke. Anyway, dead horse.<returns to online job applications>
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Join Date: Aug 2014
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I know volunteering doesn't pay the bills but perhaps you could write for free for a local newspaper or something. Show off your mad skills then maybe they'll hire you based off performance and not whats on your resume. At the very least it's something to put on a resume for future job opportunities (even if said job isn't a writing job).
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