Checking in
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 92
Checking in
I haven't been on for a while. I have been going to AA, found a home group (and have been to a group conscious meeting), a sponsor, and now regularly meet with my sponsor. The one thing that bothers me is that I am not supposed to talk to my sponsor about anything unrelated to my drinking. If it has to do with a different stress in my life she brings it back to drinking and says she is there to help me with that and nothing else. I am sure she knows what she is doing, I was just surprised.
I do have struggles with wanting to drink. Right now what I am doing is when one comes up I try to divert my attention to something else. I also remind myself that I have an allergy to alcohol just like I have an allergy to shellfish. Both could make me very sick or potentially kill me.
I don't know if thinking like this is right or wrong but right now it seems to help.
I do have struggles with wanting to drink. Right now what I am doing is when one comes up I try to divert my attention to something else. I also remind myself that I have an allergy to alcohol just like I have an allergy to shellfish. Both could make me very sick or potentially kill me.
I don't know if thinking like this is right or wrong but right now it seems to help.
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
I can understand how that might be frustrating. For me, life stress was a great big trigger to go get a bottle of wine. Learning how to act and react differently (and more appropriately) in those stressful, triggering circumstances was a big key in saying goodbye to the alcohol. It's one thing to not ever drink again. Another thing to embrace life and learn new ways of coping.
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
hmmmm, unusual to be a male with a female sponsor. Are there no men to sponsor?
This is highly suggested, though not unheard of.....
Sponsors are just people and as such each one is different. I discuss many difference topics with mine. Nothing is off the table specifically if it threatens my sobriety.
Perhaps the boundary is gender related?
It would be difficult to do step 4 with someone of the opposite sex as well......
peace
This is highly suggested, though not unheard of.....
Sponsors are just people and as such each one is different. I discuss many difference topics with mine. Nothing is off the table specifically if it threatens my sobriety.
Perhaps the boundary is gender related?
It would be difficult to do step 4 with someone of the opposite sex as well......
peace
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
I don't know, I think it's kind of nice that she doesn't want to interfere in other aspects of your life besides drinking. I've heard of too many sponsors who are very bossy and try to micromanage their sponsee's business.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
The gender things is really frowned upon and brings up a ton of other issues.
Everyone is different and just because you have completed steps does not make you a certified therapist. There are many sick people who sponsor - knowingly and unknowingly.
You can't only think about certain things. Its not how thoughts are formed. Selective thinking would be very difficult in my experience and I would find this technique quite useless.
Everyone is different and just because you have completed steps does not make you a certified therapist. There are many sick people who sponsor - knowingly and unknowingly.
You can't only think about certain things. Its not how thoughts are formed. Selective thinking would be very difficult in my experience and I would find this technique quite useless.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by Flynbuy 
hmmmm, unusual to be a male with a female sponsor. Are there no men to sponsor?
As for your sponsor not wanting to talk about anything other than your drinking, it may be that she feels qualified to walk you through the steps, but doesn't want to take on the role of counselor or therapist.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Heaven & Earth
Posts: 50
My old sponsor and I would talk about a lot of things like alcohol and outside stresses such as my relationship with my mother, work, etc...Have you ever asked why she diverts the issue back to alcohol...I mean in search of an answer more than just her saying she's just to help you with that and nothing else. Perhaps she doesn't know how to help you with other stresses because she doesn't have the tools/techniques? Just my thoughts...
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Originally Posted by doggonecarl
Pretty sure Snakes is a her.
As for your sponsor not wanting to talk about anything other than your drinking, it may be that she feels qualified to walk you through the steps, but doesn't want to take on the role of counselor or therapist.
As for your sponsor not wanting to talk about anything other than your drinking, it may be that she feels qualified to walk you through the steps, but doesn't want to take on the role of counselor or therapist.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: New Orleans, LA
Posts: 985
I'm in agreement in the sponsor of the same gender thing, to avoid intimacy confusion. However, I was part of a gay/bi AA fellowship at one point, and the whole thing was much more confusing there, because while someone of your own gender would likely identify much more with your experiences and issues, misunderstanding intimacy as connection or attraction was also possible. It required more deliberate/careful communication, and the gender rules about sponsorship were slightly loosened...
I think you try to find a sponsor whom you respect, enjoy, and think you'll grow with. I've had to work a bit to find ones who used more general spiritual language - I am not Christian, and while I can "translate" the Christian references in meetings and in the literature, for the depth of the sponsorship relationship I want someone who shares my spiritual perspective a bit. Importantly for the above post - I save most of the discussions and requests for feedback on relationships, life direction, etc., for my program friends.
Program friends who are not your sponsor are a really important part of the "family web" of sobriety support for me. It is a very different relationship than sponsorship. I have both male and female program friends, and access them differently for different kinds of conversations - with some we dish on dating and relationship, others we talk program and recovery, and others are folks I just love to tool around with and have adventures in sobriety. I get to choose who I access for what guidance, and who I share what with.
I love my sponsor. She is an amazing lady; I felt fully comfortable opening up to her with my fifth step, and we meet for coffee or go to meetings. She is my mother's age, and I feel that she fills the role and space in my life of wise woman.
I need to fill all the spaces in my life with supportive people, all those roles. I need to spread myself among many people in my sobriety community, actively feeding all those relationships for me and for them. Some might not make it, some might move away, some might be part of my life for decades. This recovery board is part of that collage of mutual support as well.
It takes a village...
I think you try to find a sponsor whom you respect, enjoy, and think you'll grow with. I've had to work a bit to find ones who used more general spiritual language - I am not Christian, and while I can "translate" the Christian references in meetings and in the literature, for the depth of the sponsorship relationship I want someone who shares my spiritual perspective a bit. Importantly for the above post - I save most of the discussions and requests for feedback on relationships, life direction, etc., for my program friends.
Program friends who are not your sponsor are a really important part of the "family web" of sobriety support for me. It is a very different relationship than sponsorship. I have both male and female program friends, and access them differently for different kinds of conversations - with some we dish on dating and relationship, others we talk program and recovery, and others are folks I just love to tool around with and have adventures in sobriety. I get to choose who I access for what guidance, and who I share what with.
I love my sponsor. She is an amazing lady; I felt fully comfortable opening up to her with my fifth step, and we meet for coffee or go to meetings. She is my mother's age, and I feel that she fills the role and space in my life of wise woman.
I need to fill all the spaces in my life with supportive people, all those roles. I need to spread myself among many people in my sobriety community, actively feeding all those relationships for me and for them. Some might not make it, some might move away, some might be part of my life for decades. This recovery board is part of that collage of mutual support as well.
It takes a village...
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
A healthy respect of alcohol is not a bad thing, the times I got complacent were the times that my mind could convince me I could now control alcohol, things would be different this time, one drink won't hurt!!
The acceptance that alcohol could open a door that I may not come back from wasn't a bad perspective to have to clock up some Sober time and build a solid foundation!!
The acceptance that alcohol could open a door that I may not come back from wasn't a bad perspective to have to clock up some Sober time and build a solid foundation!!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
