Can't pull myself together...
Sober since October
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: In the world in my eyes...Somewhere I've never been before...
Posts: 7,355
Can't pull myself together...
Hi, all.
I just can't pull myself together today.
Yesterday I got "not so good news about my health" (not related to my former wine-consumption issues) and today I am just completely off balance.
Though yesterday I was even more upbeat, and maintained some positive outlook, today I am just ...whatever.
It's the second "not so good" health-wise news within a week, and I feel like it's too much for me.
Plus, yesterday the doc told me that my issue can be directly related to me not having children yet, which made me completely pissed off. I was tempted to say "Maybe, just shoot me out of misery if I don't find a way to "fix" this issue by having kids in the near future?".
Anyway... I just can't bring myself to do anything, though I have a lot of things to take care of. And being so "unproductive" makes me feel worse.
My feelings and emotions are all over the place. I feel like unfairly punished, and unmotivated.
I am heading to my 2-year sober anniversary next month. Yes, I am grateful that I am sober, still much more balanced emotionally to get through all this...but still feel like a crap.
I feel like crying, cursing, throwing tantrum, and crushing everything around.
Not going to drink though, neither to eat sweets of binge-eat.
I am tired to be strong.
Thank you for letting me rant.
P.S. For the newcomers - feeling like a sober crap is still way much better than a drunk crap. Take my word.
I just can't pull myself together today.
Yesterday I got "not so good news about my health" (not related to my former wine-consumption issues) and today I am just completely off balance.
Though yesterday I was even more upbeat, and maintained some positive outlook, today I am just ...whatever.
It's the second "not so good" health-wise news within a week, and I feel like it's too much for me.
Plus, yesterday the doc told me that my issue can be directly related to me not having children yet, which made me completely pissed off. I was tempted to say "Maybe, just shoot me out of misery if I don't find a way to "fix" this issue by having kids in the near future?".
Anyway... I just can't bring myself to do anything, though I have a lot of things to take care of. And being so "unproductive" makes me feel worse.
My feelings and emotions are all over the place. I feel like unfairly punished, and unmotivated.
I am heading to my 2-year sober anniversary next month. Yes, I am grateful that I am sober, still much more balanced emotionally to get through all this...but still feel like a crap.
I feel like crying, cursing, throwing tantrum, and crushing everything around.
Not going to drink though, neither to eat sweets of binge-eat.
I am tired to be strong.
Thank you for letting me rant.
P.S. For the newcomers - feeling like a sober crap is still way much better than a drunk crap. Take my word.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 668
Hey MB sorry to hear about your news. Sometimes it takes a few days to put it all in perspective and let it sink in so you can get on with things. Why don't you allow yourself to do nothing today.....certainly you deserve a day like that. Also, as I know you're well aware, a good workout always seems to help when you're feeling down (although I'm not sure if your health news prevents you from working out). In any event, I hope your mood lifts soon. 
Realising my life
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Dorset, England
Posts: 3,656
((((Midnight)))))
I'm not surprised you're feeling flat today, MB, you've faced one difficult situation after another and I'm sure you must be thinking 'WTF (in its true sense
)give me a break!!!' But you're not drinking or bingeing through this and that is a real measure of character 
I know you'll get through this because I know how strong you are, but it's only human to react when you're under siege (I'm sure I'd feel like that if it were me). Very soon, you'll regroup and come out fighting as you always do
Vent much as you need to. There's a huge amount of love and support for you here, my lovely friend.
Thinking of you so much
I'm not surprised you're feeling flat today, MB, you've faced one difficult situation after another and I'm sure you must be thinking 'WTF (in its true sense
)give me a break!!!' But you're not drinking or bingeing through this and that is a real measure of character I know you'll get through this because I know how strong you are, but it's only human to react when you're under siege (I'm sure I'd feel like that if it were me). Very soon, you'll regroup and come out fighting as you always do
Vent much as you need to. There's a huge amount of love and support for you here, my lovely friend.
Thinking of you so much
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: South Shore, MA
Posts: 348
Hi MB! HAVE that tantrum, get pissed and get that behind you. Forget chores today, I nice new bag or shoes (or whatever floats your boat) may be the necessary road today! You are amazing for two years, that is awesome! You are allowed to be human and get mad, let yourself have that moment, step off the path, jump up and down, scream and rip something up in very small pieces, take a breath and get back on the path. Hang in girl
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi EJ43.
I’m not far from you and am used to certain terms. I had a chuckle with your advice to “get pissed”. I was fortunate to be able to spend some good times at meetings “down under” and it took awhile to understand that term. At first I thought everyone is angry down there which I found hard to believe. Then I find out it’s a common way of saying drunk!
BE WELL
I’m not far from you and am used to certain terms. I had a chuckle with your advice to “get pissed”. I was fortunate to be able to spend some good times at meetings “down under” and it took awhile to understand that term. At first I thought everyone is angry down there which I found hard to believe. Then I find out it’s a common way of saying drunk!
BE WELL
Sober since October
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: In the world in my eyes...Somewhere I've never been before...
Posts: 7,355
Thank you, friends)
I took your advice and got a lazy day.
Though on my way to I dropped in the local hospital to apply for free medical care, and they told me "it takes two weeks to consider your application - will it be accepted or rejected". WTF! I pay taxes, and got this damn insurance they've been asking for. I felt so humiliated. It was the last drop.
I got home, mounted on the kitchen stool to get to the cabinet where I keep some old plates, and start throwing them. I don't know why it felt so catharsic to hear all these plates crashed and shattered. I just couldn't stop. Reminded me "Fight Club"
"I felt like destroying something beautiful".
Now the kitchen floor is all covered with shatters. I am quite in shatters too. Tomorrow I will have to clean up the kitchen and somehow to get my own "shatters" together as well. Don't know how yet though...
I took your advice and got a lazy day.
Though on my way to I dropped in the local hospital to apply for free medical care, and they told me "it takes two weeks to consider your application - will it be accepted or rejected". WTF! I pay taxes, and got this damn insurance they've been asking for. I felt so humiliated. It was the last drop.
I got home, mounted on the kitchen stool to get to the cabinet where I keep some old plates, and start throwing them. I don't know why it felt so catharsic to hear all these plates crashed and shattered. I just couldn't stop. Reminded me "Fight Club"
"I felt like destroying something beautiful".
Now the kitchen floor is all covered with shatters. I am quite in shatters too. Tomorrow I will have to clean up the kitchen and somehow to get my own "shatters" together as well. Don't know how yet though...
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New England
Posts: 4,412
From MA here, too- didn't think a thing of the "get pissed"!
MidnightBlue- sorry to hear you are having a bad time of it, but so impressed with the 2 years. Good with that!! Hope it all settles down for you soon.
MidnightBlue- sorry to hear you are having a bad time of it, but so impressed with the 2 years. Good with that!! Hope it all settles down for you soon.
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
Sending you hugs today, MB. Hang in there, lady. And an early congrats to you on your upcoming 2 years milestone
A gyno tried to convince me to go on birth control when I was in my early 30's giving me the reason that I was at a risk for developing endometriosis because I hadn't given birth! That really ticked me off. I declined and told him I was childfree by choice, and that I don't believe in taking drugs unnecessarily, and that I didn't buy his reasoning. That I'd go ahead and take my chances.
I can absolutely understand your anger and frustration at being treated "less than" by doctors because you haven't given birth. That is NOT a requirement for being a woman!! We have choices.
Pulling for you...
A gyno tried to convince me to go on birth control when I was in my early 30's giving me the reason that I was at a risk for developing endometriosis because I hadn't given birth! That really ticked me off. I declined and told him I was childfree by choice, and that I don't believe in taking drugs unnecessarily, and that I didn't buy his reasoning. That I'd go ahead and take my chances.
I can absolutely understand your anger and frustration at being treated "less than" by doctors because you haven't given birth. That is NOT a requirement for being a woman!! We have choices.
Pulling for you...
Psalm 118:24
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: ILLINOIS
Posts: 15,203
The first two years for me was pretty much the same.
Have you got a healthy way to vent before you have to eat off of paper plates?
Perhaps, exercise might be a better way to release your aggressions .
Have you got a healthy way to vent before you have to eat off of paper plates?
Perhaps, exercise might be a better way to release your aggressions .
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