Addicts, are we more self involved then the rest of society?
misanthrope
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: BC
Posts: 52
Addicts, are we more self involved then the rest of society?
The answer to this question may seem obvious to some. Without blaming this on the drug of choice or the addiction itself are addicts/former addicts more self involved then the rest of society? Is that what gives us the capacity to indulge ourselves in addictions and ignore what those around us need?
Is it normal for us to put our needs in front of others, it seems to me like we are all obsessed with the addiction or the post addictive phase. Is it fair for me to ask these questions or do I just not know what I'm talking about here. It seems as though blaming my condition on a disease allows me an excuse for my addiction?
Before you bring out the firing squad, please understand i'm new to this and looking for honest opinions vs. canned answers. This is not meant to be critical. Just my .02 cents.
Thank you
Is it normal for us to put our needs in front of others, it seems to me like we are all obsessed with the addiction or the post addictive phase. Is it fair for me to ask these questions or do I just not know what I'm talking about here. It seems as though blaming my condition on a disease allows me an excuse for my addiction?
Before you bring out the firing squad, please understand i'm new to this and looking for honest opinions vs. canned answers. This is not meant to be critical. Just my .02 cents.
Thank you
Recognizes the Beast
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: In the kitchen, cooking up a storm
Posts: 704
Yes, I would say so. I'm not saying that has changed in recovery, I would like to think that it has, but I'm not so sure.
However, my eyes sure have been opened to those who are still actively in addiction. I can think of a couple acquaintances who are some of the most self-absorbed, self-centered, narcissistic people I have ever come across. The idea of humility and surrender would be anathema to them.
Does that go for all addicts, maybe not, but I think we are more likely predisposed towards it.
However, my eyes sure have been opened to those who are still actively in addiction. I can think of a couple acquaintances who are some of the most self-absorbed, self-centered, narcissistic people I have ever come across. The idea of humility and surrender would be anathema to them.
Does that go for all addicts, maybe not, but I think we are more likely predisposed towards it.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 596
Originally Posted by Dee74 
Self-centred? Sure, I can certainly hold my hand up for that...
more than other people? I don't think so.
Take a look at FB sometime....
D
more than other people? I don't think so.
Take a look at FB sometime....
D
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
I don't think being an addict makes anyone more self-centered than any other schmoe out there. I know very many self-centered individuals who are way - WAY - more self-centered than I. It could also be a need to be recognized or validated, not necessarily self-centeredness. There is a myriad of personalities that end up addicted. I don't think I could generalize about it myself.
As for blaming my addiction on a disease as an excuse, some maybe do, others do not. If you look at it as a learned behavior (abusing alcohol or other substances) and decide to change that behavior, then the only excuse you would have is not fully committing to changing that behavior. By taking the necessary steps to quell your ( ) habit and to follow through with other possible behavioral changes, I think anyone can submit to a life free of addiction.
As for blaming my addiction on a disease as an excuse, some maybe do, others do not. If you look at it as a learned behavior (abusing alcohol or other substances) and decide to change that behavior, then the only excuse you would have is not fully committing to changing that behavior. By taking the necessary steps to quell your ( ) habit and to follow through with other possible behavioral changes, I think anyone can submit to a life free of addiction.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: midwest
Posts: 484
I feel like I am the center of my universe because my life is orbited by society.
Okay.. 5 mentions of me in one sentence.. that's a typical sentence from me online when im not paying attention. I started noticing this in a bout of sobriety early this year and have been working against it since but it is hard.
But what I wanted to say was that I think these certain traits that can be weaknesses with intoxication can become rare and unique gifts for those who overcome their most difficult challenge!
Okay.. 5 mentions of me in one sentence.. that's a typical sentence from me online when im not paying attention. I started noticing this in a bout of sobriety early this year and have been working against it since but it is hard.
But what I wanted to say was that I think these certain traits that can be weaknesses with intoxication can become rare and unique gifts for those who overcome their most difficult challenge!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: midwest
Posts: 484
Originally Posted by Dee74
more than other people? I don't think so.
Take a look at FB sometime....
D
Take a look at FB sometime....
D
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Berwick
Posts: 128
I think there are various levels of self centred- ness.
I believe my self centred-ness was to an extreme because I continued to drink despite knowing deep down that my drinking was harming others in my life.
My wife, my children, my parents, my employers, my friends & society as a whole.
Are all of the above self centred .... yes. We all are to some degree.
However, none of the above were self centred to the same degree I was.
Their level of self centred ness causes no significant harm. To me or to society as a whole.
With the exception of my children, who are too young to operate a car, none of the above thought that it was OK to drink then operate a motor vehicle.
I did. Leave a bar & drive ? Yep.
Drive the next morning, still hung over to bits & still over the limit ? Yep
At work hung over & just eeking out the hours, slacking around, till I could get home & drink again ? Yep
Too hung over to take the kids to the park on a Sunday ? Yep
Too hung over or drunk at home to help my wife out with the kids or house work ? Yep
Did I miss family gatherings either too hung over or somewhere drinking to turn up ? Yep
So I simply cannot lie to myself & claim I am no more self centred than others, when clearly I was.
Am I self centred in recovery ? Yep
But now I am probably only as bad as anyone else.
Some people in my life would argue that self assessment too.
I believe my self centred-ness was to an extreme because I continued to drink despite knowing deep down that my drinking was harming others in my life.
My wife, my children, my parents, my employers, my friends & society as a whole.
Are all of the above self centred .... yes. We all are to some degree.
However, none of the above were self centred to the same degree I was.
Their level of self centred ness causes no significant harm. To me or to society as a whole.
With the exception of my children, who are too young to operate a car, none of the above thought that it was OK to drink then operate a motor vehicle.
I did. Leave a bar & drive ? Yep.
Drive the next morning, still hung over to bits & still over the limit ? Yep
At work hung over & just eeking out the hours, slacking around, till I could get home & drink again ? Yep
Too hung over to take the kids to the park on a Sunday ? Yep
Too hung over or drunk at home to help my wife out with the kids or house work ? Yep
Did I miss family gatherings either too hung over or somewhere drinking to turn up ? Yep
So I simply cannot lie to myself & claim I am no more self centred than others, when clearly I was.
Am I self centred in recovery ? Yep
But now I am probably only as bad as anyone else.
Some people in my life would argue that self assessment too.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 70
Originally Posted by SoberComposer
Haha that's an excellent point! I dont use facebook for that exact reason. It's like a highschool popularity contest but with kids and houses instead of clicks an whatever.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Berwick
Posts: 128
I guess you can term FB posts as self centred.
But normal people see nothing wrong with being proud of their success, their cute kids, their sexy husband or wife.
Maybe a lack of self love is why many alcoholics find FB such a turn off.
I quit facebook too, for the same reasons.
Too many normal happy people .... eeeeekkkk.
But normal people see nothing wrong with being proud of their success, their cute kids, their sexy husband or wife.
Maybe a lack of self love is why many alcoholics find FB such a turn off.
I quit facebook too, for the same reasons.
Too many normal happy people .... eeeeekkkk.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Engerland
Posts: 897
I a certainly self centred.
More than 'other' people?
Not so sure.
But i do understand that my continued wellness depends in part on being less so than 'others' if i can.
I must strive to be rid of self centred fear...
G
More than 'other' people?
Not so sure.
But i do understand that my continued wellness depends in part on being less so than 'others' if i can.
I must strive to be rid of self centred fear...
G
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Lawrence, KS
Posts: 250
I daresay that being self-centered is somewhat normal and imperative to survival. If we weren't self-centered, we could potentially forget to eat, sleep, breathe(?) etc.
We all have it to varying degrees - and again, balance is key, whether or not you're an addict. Just think about Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs - to me, that's a full-fledged definition of balanced self-centered-ness.
OP's question is almost a chicken-or-egg question; were we prone to being more self-centered BEFORE we developed our addictions? I would almost wager to guess it the opposite - that we were less self-centered, and ergo eventually sought out ways to reward ourselves when others did not or would not. Idk, just a theory.
(I realize there's parts of my thought process there missing ... I'll have to come and flesh it out later when my detoxing brain clears... derp)
We all have it to varying degrees - and again, balance is key, whether or not you're an addict. Just think about Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs - to me, that's a full-fledged definition of balanced self-centered-ness.
OP's question is almost a chicken-or-egg question; were we prone to being more self-centered BEFORE we developed our addictions? I would almost wager to guess it the opposite - that we were less self-centered, and ergo eventually sought out ways to reward ourselves when others did not or would not. Idk, just a theory.
(I realize there's parts of my thought process there missing ... I'll have to come and flesh it out later when my detoxing brain clears... derp)
Stand and Be True
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Scotland
Posts: 120
Originally Posted by Dee74
Self-centred? Sure, I can certainly hold my hand up for that...
more than other people? I don't think so.
Take a look at FB sometime....
D
more than other people? I don't think so.
Take a look at FB sometime....
D
Looking at my news feed is a nightmare though. Not only is everyone incredibly self centred, it seems most of the posts are about alcohol! Everyone can't wait to have a drink, posting pictures of their drink (wtf) and inevitable complaining about their hangover or bragging about how "fun" a time they had wasted. Horror show.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
corollary; are addicts more likely to put others in front of Self?
Because while I definitely am guilty of harming others with my behavior and not having a deep regard for the impact of my actions on those around me, at the same time I have sacrificed a lot of my own needs and desires and self-care in my efforts to give to others.
Perhaps that is actually a form of self-centeredness....
Because while I definitely am guilty of harming others with my behavior and not having a deep regard for the impact of my actions on those around me, at the same time I have sacrificed a lot of my own needs and desires and self-care in my efforts to give to others.
Perhaps that is actually a form of self-centeredness....
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 2,805
I think when we are active in our addictions, our actions appear to be quite self centered because we chose our drug of choice above all else. However, when I was drinking my "reward" was such a pittance and actually full harm/hate. Now that I am a non-drinker, I take much better care of myself and my needs. So, I have become self centered in a good way, that actually benefits,me and those around me.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Nutmegger
Posts: 1,799
I agree DD. I think sobriety requires a good measure of authenticity. I used to grin and drink it. I overdid for everyone else, took on other's problems, I was the Shell answer lady.
Learning to say no, or I can't, or I don't know have been key to my sobriety. I don't think I was self centered enough before.
It is like the difference between egotism and egoism. I feel early sobriety requires one to be an egoist, and if our egotistic traits need to be tamped down, that is an important part of the process too.
I don't do Facebook either……
Learning to say no, or I can't, or I don't know have been key to my sobriety. I don't think I was self centered enough before.
It is like the difference between egotism and egoism. I feel early sobriety requires one to be an egoist, and if our egotistic traits need to be tamped down, that is an important part of the process too.
I don't do Facebook either……
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