How do I do this? Alone and exhausted.
 

So I drank on Saturday night, which lead to canceling my plans with my mom, and drinking all through Sunday morning and afternoon.

I didn't drink today...more than 24 hours later and I still feel awful. I'm very tired, bloated, lethargic, depressed. And yet I'm STILL thinking about how much I'd like to drink tomorrow night. wtf brain pattern.

My life is in SUCH A HOLE. I know that I need help but I don't know what to do. For the past year, I have been stuck in this pattern of binge drinking, stringing together a day or two dry and then binge drinking again. I've tried going to AA, but after trying several different types of meetings and locations, I never felt that I fit in, and I always felt incredibly uncomfortable. I seemed to be much younger than most of the people there (I'm 28) I also currently live in a city that's not very nice, there's a lot of crime, poverty and a significant heroin problem, so here I am showing up at an AA meeting and I just feel like "oh here I am! Sad little white girl that drinks too much!" and I don't feel like anyone takes me seriously.
I've tried speaking with a general social worker, blech, ahh, torture. Hated it.
I've tried to see an addiction specialist counselor at a local rehab, and the waiting list tremendous.
I don't have private health insurance right now, so my options are quite limited. I'm pretty broke, I don't have a car, so getting around to do anything takes FOREVER, and I don't like to go out to meetings at night because I don't live in a very safe area. Just the day in day out stress of living here, all the shame I have feeling like such a loser, the loneliness, at the end of the day alcohol often feels like the only thing that can comfort me.

I'm so unhappy with where I am in life right now, and I'm so disappointed and ashamed of myself that I really lack any motivation to get sober and stay sober. I live alone, my parents are separated, I've shunned most of my friends, I quit every volunteer effort that I've started. I basically only see my coworkers a few times a week and try to maintain some illusion of normality to them. I don't have a husband or kids or anyone for daily support or motivation.

I would greatly appreciate any advice that anyone has to share. Steps to take? Help.

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time of it. I've never tried AA but AVRT has worked for me (you can do a search, I can't link it). Might be worth a shot. It and SR has helped me stay sober for just shy of two years now.:ring

Well, you've come to a good place. Spend some time on this site reading and find your "Class" - Probably the September Class? It's in Newcomer's.

One day at a time as far as sorting your life. That's what all of us have to do. One step forward at a time. First things first - stop drinking. I went to a few AA meetings, but it wasn't for me, either. I don't have any family or friends really either. I spent a lot of time here, there are lots of things to read and post on here.

There's always volunteering. Do you like animals or children? Reading programs, animal rescue, food banks, etc. - always need help. I found it is really good to get out of my own crazy head in order to start to heal.

Someone told me on here that there are aa meetings you can participate in online if you can't get to one. I'm not sure where to find it but I'll bet google does. I'm sorry you feel like crap :(

Glad you are here TIB & am sorry that you are struggling - I'm sure you will find lots of support & suggestions here. I find a lot of comfort knowing that I am not alone in this...I find hope in the stories I read here & also have connected with a couple of people in my community that share my struggle. Be kind to yourself as you would a friend.....let go of the past & move forward. You've made a good decision to make this change, feel good about yourself for that...that is huge. ((Hugs to you))

Hi and welcome! I'm pretty new here as well and find this board has helped me tremendously with my recovery...everyone is so helpful and nice. I also cannot attend AA meetings b/c either the times conflict with my schedule or they are in an unsafe area of town. I really don't have support at home either (my husband is a "functioning" alcoholic, my brother is addicted to prescription meds and alcohol, and my parents are having to care for his daughter and live their own lives). I can't afford a therapist b/c our insurance stinks! I also come from an area where drinking is the norm, so, all of my friends drink! But, I've managed to stay sober for 2 weeks and I feel really good about it!! (I was more of a "weekend" binge drinker, but, my weekend started on Wednesday or Thursday!). So, just keep coming here, read a lot, try to find an online meeting (I know that they exist and I'm in the process of looking too), and reach out if you are having trouble!!!

That drinking doesn't sound like it's treating you very well. Why do you keep doing it? It's a little scary to quit and it kind of sucks for the first week or two, but once you work past that it's pretty good, and it steadily improves, which it sounds like would be a nice change from how things have been going.

You know, if you like AA and it helps you keep from drinking, it's great, but if you can't get there easily and you don't like it, don't go. But don't let the fact that AA is far away or you don't like it be a reason to keep drinking, you get what I mean?

Anyway, just a thought. Stay warm.

In early sobriety, things can look bleak. Fact is, if you stick with it,things get better. If you continue to drink, you will stay in this cycle and continue tto feel the way you do.

Just remember, if you are coming here, you are not alone. Everyone here has been where you are and weare here for you.

Keep returning here often
And call AA Central for a list of local meetings
Don't drink today
This has helped many to stay sober
MM

i really appreciate your honesty. i think it's important to acknowledge that, at the moment, you don't feel motivated to get and stay sober. the desire to get sober makes all of the difference. i noticed that you gave several reasons why it is challenging for you to get sober now. if you are looking for reasons to keep drinking, you will always find them. if you look for reasons and resources to stop...well, in my experience, they appear.

i think the most painful part of your post is the evidence of that terrible trap of addiction: for most of us, regular drinking/binge drinking makes us feel terrible and causes problems in our lives. as a result, we seek relief in more drink. we can't see, and often do not believe others when they tell us, that drinking is often the cause, or at least an aggravator, of so much of our misery.

for what its worth, i was 23 when i got sober in AA. no health coverage, no car, part time job making terrible money, living at home -- miserable, but with a story that could not compare to the tragedies that many others have lived. i am ONLY telling you this as a way of showing that if you want sobriety, you can have it. i would not trade it for anything. my life has been transformed by it.

maybe you've already looked for young people's meetings in your town. if there are none, i've always found fellowship to be of great help. in time i have learned to listen for things i can relate to instead of listening for things i want to reject -- to take what i need and leave the rest.

others have mentioned resources outside of AA... maybe worth a look

I went through a couple periods of "I CANNOT TAKE THIS - but __________ is not for me!!!"

I've seen a lot of others go through it as well.

It is a common thing; to be caught between our addiction and our desire to break the cycle.

Ahhh... I feel uncomfortable. Ahh... I feel out of place.... Ahh.... I'm not LIKE them.... Ahhh, ick.... I want to change but not like THIS.

I feel for you, and I - like others - am here for you.

But in order to change, you will need to change.....

im serious when i say i understand ...

you put the drink down and whatever happens just do not drink sounds simple enough ?

took me 3 months just keep on trying youl get there if you really want it

good luck

Thank you so much to everyone who shared. Waking up this morning to all of this incredible feedback gives me a little glimmer of hope. I won't drink today and I will continue to read SR :)

thisibelieve,

I have felt as you have and I am only on Day Two sober. I know how it feels like you don't "fit in" at an AA meeting, but have you ever thought that maybe there are others there that feel the same way as you? If you read the posts on this site, a lot of people will say they "finally mustered up the courage to go to AA." That to me tells me that a lot of people feel uncomfortable.

If you still have trouble going to an AA meeting (I do not go to one now ... yet, by the way), there are AA meetings on-line. Do a Google search and you will find plenty and it will help give you the first step in knowing more about AA without having to be there in person. I have a chat room I visit regularly.

However, as someone else posted, AA is not for everyone and I don't think it has to be. Just because it seems like it is the "only thing out there," doesn't make it so. There are many other resources to help you in your journey, including this one. So make good use of this forum by posting and helping others by posting on their threads too.

I am alone as well (except my pets) and I am over 40 so I can relate feeling like you have no support. But you do have support here. There are many of us in your same situation. I welcome you and I know you can make it through today. Please keep posting.

:ring

Your story sounds like mine in a lot of ways: I also don't fit the stereotypical demographic for someone with a life-altering alcohol problem.

I drank on Sunday, was out of commission all day yesterday, and here I am again starting a new day with a new resolution.

I just joined today and I'm looking to take an active role in getting a grip on this, so if you ever want someone to set recovery goals with, I'd be up for it.

Nothing changes if nothing changes, carrying on with the same routines and expecting the results to change, isn't gonna work!!

Even if it's simply checking in on SR more regularly in the evenings, planning new activities in the evenings, something to break the habit, for me drinking became such a habit, that not doing it felt awkward!!

You can turn this around, but don't burden yourself with all the work, lean on the community here for support when you need to!! :)

I'm sorry you're struggling and feeling low right now. That's what this disease does to us and it robs us of all that is good.

There is always hope and you must find the motivation to do this for yourself. What you can add or change in your life, just one small thing, that will begin to make a difference?

I'm glad you feel a bit better today.

Thank you again...especially PurpleKnight "nothing changes if nothing changes" is right!

My question now is...I'm thinking of making an appointment with a PCP just because I haven't had a check up in years and I think maybe they could offer me some guidance on where to go from here. I have no problem (other than shame and I'll probably cry a little bit) being totally upfront and honest with someone about the extent to which I drink and that I'm looking to make a change- quit.

Is this a good plan? Has anyone tried this and found it helpful?

Thanks again :tyou

I think seeing your Dr could be a step forward thisibelieve.

There are a lot more recovery groups than AA too - here's some links to some of the main players, including but not limited to AA:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach.

The main thing tho - whatever you decide to do - is do something.

For too long my default position was drink...you need to actively work against that and make different decisions.

You can do it :)

D