Last time and this time....
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Join Date: Jan 2014
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Last time and this time....
Last time I really, honestly, actually quit drinking and racked up some sober time - I got to about 5 and a half months.
Last time, it was a little 'easier' to quit than this time.
Last time, it took me just a few months to start seeing physical progress; losing weight, getting in shape, more energy, gains at the gym, really feeling good. This time - it's been harder. That year and a half long 'controlled drinking experiment' took its toll. It was a real uphill grind and at times very discouraging. But the past month or so, I've turned a corner. I'm feeling strong and energetic and seeing gains at the gym and have lost a good bit of weight and regained some shape and fitness. I'm sure being older doesnt' work in my favor.... seems like past 35 things got harder and now into my 40's every year brings a tougher grind to stay atop my fitness. But... though it took longer this time - I'm encouraged now. I'm headed back to a place of really feeling strong and healthy and positive in my physical being.
Last time - I dealt with some pretty hard actual cravings. This time - they surface from time to time, but they fade pretty quickly. Last time, they were not just floating 'what-if's' but more like "one day when I drink again's". This time, they're more in the 'what-if' realm. Sometimes I still struggle with the somedays.... but mostly I can actively reflect on the reality of my history and the 'why would I even want that'? and the feelings pass pretty quickly.
Last time - I had a harder time seeing sobriety as a gift. I saw it more as a loss. A sacrifice. This time, more often than not I see it as a blessing. I see the fact that alcohol doesn't seem to be able to be a part of my life without consuming me as a window into a richer life. A life more fully lived as a result.
Last time I had a LOT of jealousy to deal with; seeing others drink really frustrated me. This time, it happens from time to time, but so far I'm able to let go of that pretty readily when I direct my attention to the question of "why would I even want to drink? what purpose does it serve for me? how do I want to live my life and how would alcohol even remotely support that?".
Last time was a little harder. This time is a little easier, a little better, a little more wonderful...
I want This time to be the Last time.
Have a good day everyone.
Last time, it was a little 'easier' to quit than this time.
Last time, it took me just a few months to start seeing physical progress; losing weight, getting in shape, more energy, gains at the gym, really feeling good. This time - it's been harder. That year and a half long 'controlled drinking experiment' took its toll. It was a real uphill grind and at times very discouraging. But the past month or so, I've turned a corner. I'm feeling strong and energetic and seeing gains at the gym and have lost a good bit of weight and regained some shape and fitness. I'm sure being older doesnt' work in my favor.... seems like past 35 things got harder and now into my 40's every year brings a tougher grind to stay atop my fitness. But... though it took longer this time - I'm encouraged now. I'm headed back to a place of really feeling strong and healthy and positive in my physical being.
Last time - I dealt with some pretty hard actual cravings. This time - they surface from time to time, but they fade pretty quickly. Last time, they were not just floating 'what-if's' but more like "one day when I drink again's". This time, they're more in the 'what-if' realm. Sometimes I still struggle with the somedays.... but mostly I can actively reflect on the reality of my history and the 'why would I even want that'? and the feelings pass pretty quickly.
Last time - I had a harder time seeing sobriety as a gift. I saw it more as a loss. A sacrifice. This time, more often than not I see it as a blessing. I see the fact that alcohol doesn't seem to be able to be a part of my life without consuming me as a window into a richer life. A life more fully lived as a result.
Last time I had a LOT of jealousy to deal with; seeing others drink really frustrated me. This time, it happens from time to time, but so far I'm able to let go of that pretty readily when I direct my attention to the question of "why would I even want to drink? what purpose does it serve for me? how do I want to live my life and how would alcohol even remotely support that?".
Last time was a little harder. This time is a little easier, a little better, a little more wonderful...
I want This time to be the Last time.
Have a good day everyone.
The gym makes it all better, when you start to feel the differences from the hard work.
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