30th birthday and itching for that "high" already
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 45
30th birthday and itching for that "high" already
Well today is going to be ROUGH. It's my 30th birthday and at 8:45 in the morning I'm already going out of my mind wanting to get ****** up beyond all belief. I honestly don't know how to "celebrate" a birthday without getting drunk as hell and snorting up all the pills I can get my hands on. I know I can't throw my 67 days of clean time away but holy crap I want to. I honestly wish I could just sleep all day and have this day over with already. Gotta keep strong and clean today and not relapse. Well off to an interesting and rough day...
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: london
Posts: 377
Hey, I know that feeling well. I had it on the morning of my 40th birthday, when I had about 60 days clean. I made it through that day, but then relapsed a couple of weeks later.
Ask yourself this- how do you see yourself moving forward? Do you want to carry on with this merry-go-round. What kind of dreams do you have for your life?
I got 4 months clean and then relapsed, and am now back at square one. I so wish I hadn't relapsed.
If you drink tonight, you will awake up in the morning feeling hungover, and full of regret. I know the addict voice in you is telling you that this is something you are prepared to accept if you can get high, just for tonight. Try to distance yourself from that voice, because it doesn't have your best interests at heart.
If you don't stop now, today, when will it happen for you?
Can you go for a walk?
Ask yourself this- how do you see yourself moving forward? Do you want to carry on with this merry-go-round. What kind of dreams do you have for your life?
I got 4 months clean and then relapsed, and am now back at square one. I so wish I hadn't relapsed.
If you drink tonight, you will awake up in the morning feeling hungover, and full of regret. I know the addict voice in you is telling you that this is something you are prepared to accept if you can get high, just for tonight. Try to distance yourself from that voice, because it doesn't have your best interests at heart.
If you don't stop now, today, when will it happen for you?
Can you go for a walk?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Thing is there is always some celebration or some reward or some tragedy or some disappointment or some Monday or. . .you get the picture.
I drank because that's what I did as an alcoholic. Every reason and I didn't need a reason. If I was awake, that was a good reason. ugh.
I hope you make the decision to go through your entire thirties clean.
I drank because that's what I did as an alcoholic. Every reason and I didn't need a reason. If I was awake, that was a good reason. ugh.
I hope you make the decision to go through your entire thirties clean.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 222
i know the feeling all too well, but I hope this helps:
For my last birthday, I had friends coming over in the afternoon and we started drinking on the balcony. Beer, wine, champagne, what have you. I also had friends coming in from out of town who drove hours to come celebrate with me. We then had plans to meet more friends for dinner and a night of partying in town.
By the time they got to my place, I was already really drunk. Then more drinks were had and by 5pm (or 4, not sure), I was in bed, drunk, sleeping. Wasn't able to go out. Missed my own birthday party.
Don't let that be you. Enjoy your birthday and spend it with friends and family and best of all, remember it all tomorrow.
For my last birthday, I had friends coming over in the afternoon and we started drinking on the balcony. Beer, wine, champagne, what have you. I also had friends coming in from out of town who drove hours to come celebrate with me. We then had plans to meet more friends for dinner and a night of partying in town.
By the time they got to my place, I was already really drunk. Then more drinks were had and by 5pm (or 4, not sure), I was in bed, drunk, sleeping. Wasn't able to go out. Missed my own birthday party.
Don't let that be you. Enjoy your birthday and spend it with friends and family and best of all, remember it all tomorrow.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Lawrence, KS
Posts: 250
Gosh I know the feeling. My thirtieth is this Saturday (a Saturday!!) and I quite honestly don't know how to properly celebrate it sober without feeling - deprived. Silly, perhaps, but there nonetheless. I'm already brainstorming alternate ideas and plans, though I have yet to come up with much. Do you remember a sober birthday you enjoyed? Maybe take yourself to LegoLand and get a slurpee. I kid. But I feel ya. Please show me how it's done 
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
HAPPY BIRTHDAY. Enjoy it responsibly
Now that I think about it, why did so many of us try to kill ourselves on our birthday so many times over the years. "It's my birthday, I'm gonna get wasted."
It should be a day to celebrate life, not try to destroy it.
Now that I think about it, why did so many of us try to kill ourselves on our birthday so many times over the years. "It's my birthday, I'm gonna get wasted."
It should be a day to celebrate life, not try to destroy it.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: London
Posts: 204
Happy birthday!!!. 30!! So many years ahead of you if you make the right decisions. fast forward to your 40th. Will you be happy, healthy, wealthy, living the life you deserve? or stuck in the same rut as 2.5 months ago with many more personal, emotional and physical problems on top? or worse perhaps?
Make the right decsions today.
Spend it with people who you love & respect & who will supoport you for a sober day today and into the future.
Get a massive cake & some ice-cream though!
Make the right decsions today.
Spend it with people who you love & respect & who will supoport you for a sober day today and into the future.
Get a massive cake & some ice-cream though!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 174
Happy birthday!!
Wait one more day please! I promise you tomorrow you'll be glad you didn't do it.
About the high, when i read this post i realized that i stopped wanting the high some time ago. Don't know when, but more than 3 months for sure. And i'm not even at 6 months yet.
I can't promise you that you will stop wanting the high tomorrow, next week, or next month, but i can promise you that it will eventually happen! If you get high today, you will want it again and again. And you'll end up trapped in the same circle.
Be strong today for you!
Wait one more day please! I promise you tomorrow you'll be glad you didn't do it.
About the high, when i read this post i realized that i stopped wanting the high some time ago. Don't know when, but more than 3 months for sure. And i'm not even at 6 months yet.
I can't promise you that you will stop wanting the high tomorrow, next week, or next month, but i can promise you that it will eventually happen! If you get high today, you will want it again and again. And you'll end up trapped in the same circle.
Be strong today for you!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Somewhere on the East Coast
Posts: 579
Happy Birthday!! I know the feeling...but you can do it and still feel like you were able to celebrate. I had the same feeling for my 35th...but you know what, I actually ENJOYED just being sober and actually remembering everything about my bday. Can you do something else to celebrate? Maybe get a massage or something else you like? Even if its not today...but plan something during the week JUST as a present to yourself? I spurlged on a massage on my bday b/c I figured I was easily saving $100 in only a week by not drinking..
Have a great bday! SR is behind you!
Have a great bday! SR is behind you!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Happy Birthday!!
Somehow we need to detach ourselves from the idea of getting alcoholic poisoning or worse on special occasions, birthdays, weddings, Xmas, New Years, all it ever seemed to do was put a hole in my bank balance and caused suffering for the next few days afterwards, where was the fun?
The problem is our minds promise the world and more as we look into the future at these occasions, but the reality never lives up to the "fantastic" messed up time we're promised, it's all a myth!!
Hang in there!! Don't throw away all that you've achieved so far!!
Somehow we need to detach ourselves from the idea of getting alcoholic poisoning or worse on special occasions, birthdays, weddings, Xmas, New Years, all it ever seemed to do was put a hole in my bank balance and caused suffering for the next few days afterwards, where was the fun?
The problem is our minds promise the world and more as we look into the future at these occasions, but the reality never lives up to the "fantastic" messed up time we're promised, it's all a myth!!
Hang in there!! Don't throw away all that you've achieved so far!!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,366
I hope you had a good sober birthday Eric.
yeah it's weird how we see self-destruction as celebration.
I didn't know any other way to celebrate either...but I learned
It starts with one different decision, a choice to go a different way today
D
I honestly don't know how to "celebrate" a birthday without getting drunk as hell and snorting up all the pills I can get my hands on.
I didn't know any other way to celebrate either...but I learned
It starts with one different decision, a choice to go a different way today
D
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,524
Eric the 'high' is never worth the coming down. I hope you made it through without caving - you did a good thing by posting about your feelings. Happy Birthday & many more healthy ones to come.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 45
Thanks for the encouragement and kind words everyone! I'm still clean and sober even though I got to spend a few hours at the DMV today. Now I just finished a ridiculously sized diner and am stuffed and happy. I think I'll fight the sugar cravings from booze with some cake and ice cream later then attempt to get some sleep.... well even though the insomnia that went away for a while came back full force.
Here's to a clean, sober and happy 30's!
Here's to a clean, sober and happy 30's!
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