I Hate to Feel My Feelings
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: SoCal
Posts: 53
I Hate to Feel My Feelings
I'm here drinking a bottle of water shooting pool by myself listening to Steve Ray Vaughn and loving life when all of the sudden...bam I'm blue. I miss my Dad so dang much and the hurt becomes too painful. I lost him 13 years ago...heart attack at 61. I was a daddy's girl. I'm an only child and my mom had numerous mental health problems. ..depression agoraphobia etc. So my Dad took me every where. He was no angel and he had his own demons (not substances). This is where the beer would find my hand. Not today in the Lord's name. Gotta feel what I feel. Food and drink won't take it away. Sometimes being sober sucks, but being drunk sucks more. Thanks for letting me share. ..I needed to get this out. Sandy
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Grayslake, IL
Posts: 732
Hi Sandy,
I'm sorry about your father, but I bet he is so proud looking down from heaven at you. I have my moody blues, too...today, a little bit. Sometimes I wish I could turn it off. I don't know if it ever gets easier, but for now, I really am ok with it. Drinking over it is like spitting in our own faces.
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Bunnez
I'm sorry about your father, but I bet he is so proud looking down from heaven at you. I have my moody blues, too...today, a little bit. Sometimes I wish I could turn it off. I don't know if it ever gets easier, but for now, I really am ok with it. Drinking over it is like spitting in our own faces.
Share anytime
Bunnez
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: midwest
Posts: 484
Hi Sandy! Welcome to the SR family . I am very sorry to hear about your loss and suffering. You will find many things here that is not available in our immediate lives. Lots of understanding, support and help from many different paths all traveling to the same place.
I know what you mean about needing to feel your feelings but it is overwhelming. I began slowly doing this awhile back in brief oasises of sobriety in the past and now much moreso. It's hard but, at-least for me, I was able to eventually learn how to deal with horrible things better. It makes sense though because if one avoids bad-life-moments then they naturally wouldn't be that good interacting with them.
You can definetly do this Sandy, we all can, we all of have been victims and we have paid the price and now deserve to live with newfound wisdom and strength!
. I am very sorry to hear about your loss and suffering. You will find many things here that is not available in our immediate lives. Lots of understanding, support and help from many different paths all traveling to the same place.I know what you mean about needing to feel your feelings but it is overwhelming. I began slowly doing this awhile back in brief oasises of sobriety in the past and now much moreso. It's hard but, at-least for me, I was able to eventually learn how to deal with horrible things better. It makes sense though because if one avoids bad-life-moments then they naturally wouldn't be that good interacting with them.
You can definetly do this Sandy, we all can, we all of have been victims and we have paid the price and now deserve to live with newfound wisdom and strength!
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Feelings/emotions are honest.
I've lost all my family now. The grief is real, so is the healing. I don't think I get to choose which ones arise at which times. I do get to frame their affect on me. I can think of how sad it is that I'm not loved by anyone any more or I can remember and cherish the love I did have. Can't change the loss, all I can do is honestly feel it and honor it. I do believe they left me with parts of themselves - that is both positive and negative, as well.
I've lost all my family now. The grief is real, so is the healing. I don't think I get to choose which ones arise at which times. I do get to frame their affect on me. I can think of how sad it is that I'm not loved by anyone any more or I can remember and cherish the love I did have. Can't change the loss, all I can do is honestly feel it and honor it. I do believe they left me with parts of themselves - that is both positive and negative, as well.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
((Sandy)), my gosh... I am very sorry. I could have written your post in terms of your childhood history and relationship with your dad. Mine is alive, 83 years old, and slowly declining in ways that are not reversible. So I know that what you are feeling now is somewhere in my future, and I dread it.
My dad has always been someone who saw nearly limitless possibilities in life; a self-made man who has realized so many of his dreams and always taught me to do the same, to follow my heart no matter what... He is mentally still still sharp as a tack, but knows the inevitable. In the past couple years we have been having endless conversations on the big existential questions of life and death, I have been his main confidant and a good friend since my early 20's really.
I don't know what to say to you except that it sounds that you had a great time with your father when he was alive and I am sure you were there for him when he needed you. I am so glad that I'm able to have the kind of conversations with my father now and they are not always easy but so incredibly interesting and meaningful each time.
Don't drink on these feelings! I am sure your dad would not want to see you do that. Think about how lucky we are, having had the kind of father and relationship that we had. These feelings are painful but also beautiful that we are able to feel them.
The pain will pass and the good memories will always be with you.
My dad has always been someone who saw nearly limitless possibilities in life; a self-made man who has realized so many of his dreams and always taught me to do the same, to follow my heart no matter what... He is mentally still still sharp as a tack, but knows the inevitable. In the past couple years we have been having endless conversations on the big existential questions of life and death, I have been his main confidant and a good friend since my early 20's really.
I don't know what to say to you except that it sounds that you had a great time with your father when he was alive and I am sure you were there for him when he needed you. I am so glad that I'm able to have the kind of conversations with my father now and they are not always easy but so incredibly interesting and meaningful each time.
Don't drink on these feelings! I am sure your dad would not want to see you do that. Think about how lucky we are, having had the kind of father and relationship that we had. These feelings are painful but also beautiful that we are able to feel them.
The pain will pass and the good memories will always be with you.
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
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Grief and pain is very much about honouring what we have lost. So often we try to resist what is and that is where our suffering is I think. How wonderful you were blessed with a father you had a relationship with you were able to miss... That which is our sorrow has once been our delight...as the saying goes.
I know it is difficult and painful, but perhaps there is room to smile with gratitude for what you were blessed with. You will never lose what you had as it is always in your heart as a treasure...rather than something dark or something that you never had at all.
I know it is difficult and painful, but perhaps there is room to smile with gratitude for what you were blessed with. You will never lose what you had as it is always in your heart as a treasure...rather than something dark or something that you never had at all.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: SoCal
Posts: 53
I have tears reading your replies and life experiences. I've put off dealing with my Dad's passing long enough. Thank you thank you thank you for all of your support. My hubby drinks and doesn't think I need to quit so you are my support.
Hopeful
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 140
Sandy,
Dealing with loss is, what I believe, put me "over the top" to become an alcoholic. I was a social drinker since my early 20s but it wasn't anything big. Since 2007, I have lost a brother in a fire, a sister just didn't wake up one day, 2 uncles, a father-in-law and my mom (3 years ago-dementia-the disease from hell). My really serious drinking started in 2007 and got to be really serious when my mom died. My therapist is helping me to see that I have never really allowed myself to grieve those losses. I was always the one who was supposed to hold everyone together through hard times. So, I did-as long as I had some wine to hold ME together. I will join you on your journey to FEEL those hard feelings of loss-with out alcohol.
God bless
Dealing with loss is, what I believe, put me "over the top" to become an alcoholic. I was a social drinker since my early 20s but it wasn't anything big. Since 2007, I have lost a brother in a fire, a sister just didn't wake up one day, 2 uncles, a father-in-law and my mom (3 years ago-dementia-the disease from hell). My really serious drinking started in 2007 and got to be really serious when my mom died. My therapist is helping me to see that I have never really allowed myself to grieve those losses. I was always the one who was supposed to hold everyone together through hard times. So, I did-as long as I had some wine to hold ME together. I will join you on your journey to FEEL those hard feelings of loss-with out alcohol.
God bless
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
SandyLovesFall, I'm glad that you posted because I hope that what I say helps you the next time that this happens.
I also lost my father 13 years ago too, he had a massive heart attack. He was 79 years old I was very lucky to have him as long as I did with the health issues that he had (diabetes). He had to be both a mother and father for me for most of my life because my mother died of ovarian cancer 3 months after I turned 16. My dad was my world. The loss of him was earth shattering and to this day I grieve for him. My pain is not gone, I have only learned to live with it.
With that being said I'm going to clue you in on something. I know that you feel grief for your father but at the moment that you posted what you did it wasn't the loss of your father that was the driving force of your blues. It was the AV working it's way into your head to give you a reason to drink. It works that way. The AV will start small when you want a drink. Thoughts of small stresses, anger at something stupid, and if that doesn't work it pulls out the big guns like the heart wrenching and insurmountable grief that a daddy's girl can feel over the loss of her father.
So, here's what I used to do when those times came. I would close my eyes and envision myself sitting with my father and I would say to him "Dad, I want a drink right now". Then I would imagine what words would come out of his mouth next. They were always "I am so proud of you and the person that you're becoming, you're doing good, don't mess this up for yourself, I am always here with you". That did it for me, craving gone, I just needed that little talk with my dad to help.
Don't allow the AV to use and cheapen the memory of your father. Use that time to honor and gain strength from your dad.
What do you think your father would say to you if you did the same? Those words can be a great motivator
I hope this helps.
I also lost my father 13 years ago too, he had a massive heart attack. He was 79 years old I was very lucky to have him as long as I did with the health issues that he had (diabetes). He had to be both a mother and father for me for most of my life because my mother died of ovarian cancer 3 months after I turned 16. My dad was my world. The loss of him was earth shattering and to this day I grieve for him. My pain is not gone, I have only learned to live with it.
With that being said I'm going to clue you in on something. I know that you feel grief for your father but at the moment that you posted what you did it wasn't the loss of your father that was the driving force of your blues. It was the AV working it's way into your head to give you a reason to drink. It works that way. The AV will start small when you want a drink. Thoughts of small stresses, anger at something stupid, and if that doesn't work it pulls out the big guns like the heart wrenching and insurmountable grief that a daddy's girl can feel over the loss of her father.
So, here's what I used to do when those times came. I would close my eyes and envision myself sitting with my father and I would say to him "Dad, I want a drink right now". Then I would imagine what words would come out of his mouth next. They were always "I am so proud of you and the person that you're becoming, you're doing good, don't mess this up for yourself, I am always here with you". That did it for me, craving gone, I just needed that little talk with my dad to help.
Don't allow the AV to use and cheapen the memory of your father. Use that time to honor and gain strength from your dad.
What do you think your father would say to you if you did the same? Those words can be a great motivator
I hope this helps.
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Flevoland
Posts: 103
Originally Posted by SandyLovesFall 
Sometimes being sober sucks, but being drunk sucks more.
Sorry you are missing your Dad. Even though I am not close to my family at all I still wonder how I am going to cope when my parents pass.
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