soberlife123

I get busy and let my recovery fall by the wayside.....I can't do it anymore it has to come first.

soberlicious

Hey lawgirl,
Quit letting your addiction play on your emotions. Yank control back and remain as pragmatic as possible in moving forward. Like mags said, a plan is critical. Best to you. You can do this. Believe it.

ScottFromWI

Being in the field of law, I would guess you have a very regimented schedule, right? Try booking time in your schedule each and every day ( in advance ) to work on yourself and your recovery. Even if it is just 15 minutes to come on SR, make a plan to do it. And then do it :-)

soberlife123

Feeling so crappy physically is a good motivator to stay sober that's for sure

ScottFromWI

It may be, but it's only temporary. And it's only there after you drink, which you don't want happening in the first place, right?

soberlife123

i'm just so tired of relapse

PurpleKnight

Sheer willpower only got me so far, I could only resist and commit to not having that 1st drink only for so long until my addictive mind ground me down and the inevitable happened!!

I instead needed something outside of myself to make it work, something that when I was alone with my own thoughts, when my mind wanted to drink, these thoughts would be short circuited!!

Have you incorporated a method of support into your plan, or is it mostly willpower you're working off?!!

You can turn this around, it can be done!!

flossyfressia

Me too-we can get through this though. In sending positivity and love xxx

soberlife123

i'm feeling a little better maybe i should go to a meeting

biminiblue

Yes, go to a meeting. Sunday meetings are the best!

Have you tried meditation?

How about joining the "24 Hour Connections" thread here? A daily commitment written down for all to see is helpful for me. Seeing all those people here who are also committing to 24 more hours gives me strength. It provides continuity and friendship.

You'll figure this out - write down everything you can about this slip and read it daily.

EndGameNYC

During my three-year lapse, I would occasionally attend AA meetings, mostly to placate my girlfriend, who I truly loved. I sometimes went after drinking a bit so that I could endure the meetings, but not enough to appear drunk. (The stories we tell ourselves!) Most times I had not been drinking before (though this does not at all mean that I was sober), but would get wasted afterwards. Living in NYC, there were plenty of prime spots to drink outside the apartment I was sharing with my girlfriend. I lived across the street from Central Park, which made this very easy, but there were also neighborhood gardens, in front of virtually any bodega, "parks" with benches that ran for about a city block...

I often left home telling my GF that I was going to a meeting, and then went straight to the liquor store, and sometimes to one of the many bars that populate most neighborhoods. There were also times when I knew that my time with my GF was running out, and thought that it might be a good time to get sober. Having had long-term sobriety prior to my relapse, I knew that AA "worked" for me, but I this time I was merely hoping that something would click when I went to a meeting.

What a part of me must have known on some level was that I wasn't truly interested in putting down the drink, and that no matter how many meetings I attended, real and imagined, I was not going to get sober with that mindset.

So, I lost her and everything and everyone else near and dear to me in life. My memories of my time with her and what I did to destroy our relationship still tug at my heart from time to time but, being sober now for a little more than three years, at least I'm not frozen in time at that moment when losing her drove a stake through my heart.

I was so alone, and my knowing that I was the only one on the planet who noticed that she was missing felt as though it was going to kill me. I was also the only one on the planet who knew whether or not I was making a genuine and honest effort to get sober, until the results made my true intentions obvious.

I'm simply offering you my personal account of what brought me to where I am at this point in time, and not accusing you of being dishonest or disingenuous. But I did learn that there are of layers of dishonesty -- which, for me, only meant ongoing fear, terror, really -- that I could always rely on when my true decision was to continue drinking at all costs. And it was, for me, at all costs.

FreeOwl

lawgirl...

one thing that I find helpful is reaching out and helping others in their sobriety. It can help give meaning to my own, make it feel more positive.

one thing that I find helps keep me sober is the stories of others, reminding me that it's right out there, waiting for me. reminding me of my own relapses and things I did to fool myself and enable my addiction.

maybe you could share a bit more about what happened. maybe, it'd benefit us both.

either way, thank you for helping me stay sober today with the reminder.

EndGameNYC

Short answer: Because we convince ourselves that it's the best we can do.

Nuudawn

So you got knocked down. And now you get back up.

Sometimes I feel overwhelmed when I realize how important my "sobriety fitness" simply has to be. I have to make sure I'm doing all the right things. It took a couple months before I stopped allowing myself to eat like an unattended 9 year old. It probably took close to that time to realize that if I don't get enough sleep, I pay a price all day the next day.
And suddenly THAT is uber important. Funny, since lolling around hung over all day previously didn't seem to prompt me to want to quit drinking.

Not only have I added face to face support to my sobriety community, I have also discovered a need for "pause" each day with meditation compliments of a phone app. That is a discipline I have struggled to add but it seems to finally feel like it's being incorporated. I also have a life I have to address and keep balance with now rather than full immersion in "recovery" as I fear I may have allowed that to get a little too "heavy" in my sobriety last year.

Basically I have to work hard at ensuring I'm keeping all the ducks afloat and peaceful. I have to be vigilant and ensure I don't allow any "cracks" to feel too much pressure so the whole damn dam breaks : )

Really glad you hauled your arse back up again. Your legs may feel shaky today....but if you want this.
It's yours..
And you know it.

soberlife123

It's crazy I'm already feeling better and the AV is back... how can I want a drink again? EUGH.

soberlife123

I'm just going to stay locked up at home. safe here!

least

Either talk back to it and refuse it, or just don't listen to begin with. It's just thoughts and they don't have to become actions.

Nuudawn

Take care of yourself today. Maybe watch a movie like "Smashed" on Netflix or strap on some tunes and go for a leisurely walk if weather is pleasant where you are.

Breathe...you can get through today.

Dee74

Welcome back lawgirl.

I know you want to be sober.
I think deciding to be sober is one thing but following that up with action is another.

Think about what you can do for you recovery - real tangible things, everyday - and do them.

Do something different this time. That's the only way I know to have a different outcome

D

soberlife123

Well I made it through today. No more Day 1's I hope!