Left my husband who is addicted to pot and verbally abusive
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
i grew up on a housing estate
lots of ppl smoked weed a good few of them are now very distorted versions of their former selves
they just aint there mentally breaks my heart to think
bottom line is this some ppl will get majorly affected paranoia psycvhosis etc
depression is abig 1
Cancer ?
lots of ppl smoked weed a good few of them are now very distorted versions of their former selves
they just aint there mentally breaks my heart to think
bottom line is this some ppl will get majorly affected paranoia psycvhosis etc
depression is abig 1
Cancer ?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 17
Seekinggrowth, I don't know for sure. I trusted him that they were. I'm learning that I never should have trusted this man. I think I will never know the truth as I have uncovered so many lies that he's found ways to justify.
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
This is the man you married, they are one in the same. You were crying at your bridal shower, so this does go way back. He was simply not letting you see the entire true him. One thing my counselor did was caution me not to categorize addiction. The addict and your husband are one in the same person.
Although it's so hard to hear, you are right to move on right now. Move forward with happiness in your life as you deserve it. No one deserves to be treated that way. Verbal abuse is a horrible thing.
You can do this. Keep moving forward, a step at a time. It is grief that is for sure, you are grieving what could have been, but is not. Let yourself go through it and you will come to a conclusion and be able to move forward in a healthy way.
Keep coming back. SR is a place of great support.
XXX
Although it's so hard to hear, you are right to move on right now. Move forward with happiness in your life as you deserve it. No one deserves to be treated that way. Verbal abuse is a horrible thing.
You can do this. Keep moving forward, a step at a time. It is grief that is for sure, you are grieving what could have been, but is not. Let yourself go through it and you will come to a conclusion and be able to move forward in a healthy way.
Keep coming back. SR is a place of great support.
XXX
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Join Date: May 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,449
I suppose everyone is affected differently with any drug...but I have to say...as someone that has been around pot since age 12(ish)...I'm almost 38 now...whether it was family, friends or even myself...I have never, ever..even once met someone who became violent b/c of pot. Ever.
just bizarre. But I guess people are different???
The only thing I've seen pot do is make people (some) unmotivated and hungry. LOL
angry? nope.
I'm sorry you are going through this
just bizarre. But I guess people are different???
The only thing I've seen pot do is make people (some) unmotivated and hungry. LOL
angry? nope.
I'm sorry you are going through this
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Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 349
Anita,
You situation sounds similar to my older sister's. She is with a man now that verbally abuses her AND some has also led to physical violence. She shares a house with this man and is not married and keeps saying she is going to leave. I really hope for her sake, she does. He tried to get her arrested the other night. It just keeps escalating. He is an alcoholic and a meth addict. Something she did not know when she met him.
I know that you can't change someone though, just because you want it for them. They have to be willing to change themselves. I think you made the right move by leaving him. If he isn't ready to change, there really is nothing you can do except accept it.
As far as pot goes, I can attest that not everyone gets this great, mellowed out feeling from it. I have done pot about 3 times in my life and the more times I tried it, the more paranoid it made me. Not violent, no, but it certainly didn't react with my system in some calming way. I think drugs affect everyone differently.
With your husband, I would wonder too though, if maybe those "pot pills" might have a little more than pot in them. If you watch the news, there are a lot of things that get put into pills and drugs that people buy that they may not even be aware of. A good case in point to this is Phillip Seymour Hoffman. I guess the heroine he did was 10 times stronger than regular heroine because there is some type of heroin being sold on the street now that is much stronger. I doubt he knew this and took a hit like he normally would. Well, needless to say, he's dead now. I would wonder what might all be in your huband's pot pills.
Stay on the forum and chat with us. This is a great place for support.
You situation sounds similar to my older sister's. She is with a man now that verbally abuses her AND some has also led to physical violence. She shares a house with this man and is not married and keeps saying she is going to leave. I really hope for her sake, she does. He tried to get her arrested the other night. It just keeps escalating. He is an alcoholic and a meth addict. Something she did not know when she met him.
I know that you can't change someone though, just because you want it for them. They have to be willing to change themselves. I think you made the right move by leaving him. If he isn't ready to change, there really is nothing you can do except accept it.
As far as pot goes, I can attest that not everyone gets this great, mellowed out feeling from it. I have done pot about 3 times in my life and the more times I tried it, the more paranoid it made me. Not violent, no, but it certainly didn't react with my system in some calming way. I think drugs affect everyone differently.
With your husband, I would wonder too though, if maybe those "pot pills" might have a little more than pot in them. If you watch the news, there are a lot of things that get put into pills and drugs that people buy that they may not even be aware of. A good case in point to this is Phillip Seymour Hoffman. I guess the heroine he did was 10 times stronger than regular heroine because there is some type of heroin being sold on the street now that is much stronger. I doubt he knew this and took a hit like he normally would. Well, needless to say, he's dead now. I would wonder what might all be in your huband's pot pills.
Stay on the forum and chat with us. This is a great place for support.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 167
From my understanding pot pills don't get you high. I think they were something much more powerful which intensified his abusive behavior. He was always abusive but since he increased his drug use he became even more abusive. You did the right thing by removing yourself from his abuse.
Yes he did choose the drugs over your marriage and you can't change or help him. He has to be the one who wants to change. You tolerated his behavior for as long as you could. Its time to focus on yourself and what you need at this time. No need for guilt or pity for your husband because he will use that in his favor to control you.
Yes he did choose the drugs over your marriage and you can't change or help him. He has to be the one who wants to change. You tolerated his behavior for as long as you could. Its time to focus on yourself and what you need at this time. No need for guilt or pity for your husband because he will use that in his favor to control you.
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,355
Ok I've smoked my fair share of pot for extended periods of time so I will tell you what I noticed.
At first it makes you happy, and its a great feeling. Then once you smoke for a few weeks straight, it doesnt have the same effect and you try and chase teh dragon and make it feel like it once was. But all that pot is effecting your brain and messing with the wires in there, and you become mentally dependent on it. Wake up and want to smoke, before you eat, before you go out, because you think you need it to cope with whatever you are dealing with. The more you smoke the more those wires get crossed up. And then it comes down to it not making you happy anymore but making you more pissed off.
I am in no way saying that what he is doing is right because it certainly isnt. It took me a while to completely stop, and it was so hard. It wasnt fun, but now my brain is clear and I love it. My wires are starting to sort themselves out. I think once he stops for a few months, he will be a changed person... But it depends on whether or not you want to be a part of that change and around for the crap that goes along with stopping...
I hope he gets help that he might need and I hope you dont hurt anymore.
At first it makes you happy, and its a great feeling. Then once you smoke for a few weeks straight, it doesnt have the same effect and you try and chase teh dragon and make it feel like it once was. But all that pot is effecting your brain and messing with the wires in there, and you become mentally dependent on it. Wake up and want to smoke, before you eat, before you go out, because you think you need it to cope with whatever you are dealing with. The more you smoke the more those wires get crossed up. And then it comes down to it not making you happy anymore but making you more pissed off.
I am in no way saying that what he is doing is right because it certainly isnt. It took me a while to completely stop, and it was so hard. It wasnt fun, but now my brain is clear and I love it. My wires are starting to sort themselves out. I think once he stops for a few months, he will be a changed person... But it depends on whether or not you want to be a part of that change and around for the crap that goes along with stopping...
I hope he gets help that he might need and I hope you dont hurt anymore.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 17
SeekingGrowth and JustEric, I'm honestly not positive if they were only pot pills. He said they were THC pills. He just started to receive them out of the blue in the mail. Of course he never asked my opinion or permission to receive them or take them. There were so many lies that I guess they could have been anything. I trusted him and I definitely shouldn't have. I think I was in denial.
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Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 780
It doesn't matter what the pills were or how much pot he smokes. Do not give him an excuse to treat you that way. You don't deserve it, and don't let him make you feel like you do. Get out of there and get yourself in a better place.
hopping for freedom
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 847
Originally Posted by jryan19982 
Ok I've smoked my fair share of pot for extended periods of time so I will tell you what I noticed.
At first it makes you happy, and its a great feeling. Then once you smoke for a few weeks straight, it doesnt have the same effect and you try and chase teh dragon and make it feel like it once was. But all that pot is effecting your brain and messing with the wires in there, and you become mentally dependent on it. Wake up and want to smoke, before you eat, before you go out, because you think you need it to cope with whatever you are dealing with. The more you smoke the more those wires get crossed up. And then it comes down to it not making you happy anymore but making you more pissed off.
I am in no way saying that what he is doing is right because it certainly isnt. It took me a while to completely stop, and it was so hard. It wasnt fun, but now my brain is clear and I love it. My wires are starting to sort themselves out. I think once he stops for a few months, he will be a changed person... But it depends on whether or not you want to be a part of that change and around for the crap that goes along with stopping...
I hope he gets help that he might need and I hope you dont hurt anymore.
At first it makes you happy, and its a great feeling. Then once you smoke for a few weeks straight, it doesnt have the same effect and you try and chase teh dragon and make it feel like it once was. But all that pot is effecting your brain and messing with the wires in there, and you become mentally dependent on it. Wake up and want to smoke, before you eat, before you go out, because you think you need it to cope with whatever you are dealing with. The more you smoke the more those wires get crossed up. And then it comes down to it not making you happy anymore but making you more pissed off.
I am in no way saying that what he is doing is right because it certainly isnt. It took me a while to completely stop, and it was so hard. It wasnt fun, but now my brain is clear and I love it. My wires are starting to sort themselves out. I think once he stops for a few months, he will be a changed person... But it depends on whether or not you want to be a part of that change and around for the crap that goes along with stopping...
I hope he gets help that he might need and I hope you dont hurt anymore.
hopping for freedom
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 847
Also, I did want to mention that of course you should not put up with behavior that is unacceptable. I'm not saying it's all because of the weed. I just wanted to mention that weed does not made EVERYONE super nice and chilled out. Some chronic smokers I know are always uptight and a bit mean no matter how much they smoke. Some people are nice as pie. I really don't think we can generalize the personality of weed smokers as chilled out. I hope you are doing ok.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 17
I can not thank everyone enough for the kind and thoughtful responses. I agree that pot must affect everyone differently. My counselor thinks that my husband must have some type of personality disorder that is intensified by the pot or whatever he is using. He mocks me for saying that he is addicted to pot. He says there's no way that he is an addict b/c addicts use "harder drugs".
Jryan19982, the comment about chasing the dragon really hits home. He started smoking more and more each night as well as other times during the day. I honestly think that's why he went to the pills to get a better high. However, he blames the pot pills on me b/c I was complaining about "the smoke" and concerns about our neighbors and being evicted. When he started using the pills I noticed a significant difference in his personality. I witnessed him pulling up to a gas pump on the wrong side of the car that he has owned for over 6 years and taking a pill and then being too paranoid to get out of the car to get an ice cream cone. He was practically curled up in a ball in the passenger seat of my car and would not even let me touch him. He looked crazed.
It is such a different way of thinking. I feel like I'm trying to learn a new language. With the help of everyone here and my counselor I'm realizing that what he says and does is very manipulative.
The comments about wires being crossed and former versions of themselves fit perfectly. It's crazy b/c when we are arguing his arguments are not rational. They just make no sense and they are very twisted. Everything that is wrong is either my fault or someone elses fault.
He contacted me wanting to meet up last night. He was so kind at first saying that he loves and misses me and is very sorry for everything. When I told him I could not meet up he became horrible and mean and everything immediately changed to being my fault again. It's weird I just had a bad gut feeling about meeting up with him. I feel so stupid for even considering meeting up with him. Ugh, when am I going to learn and let go!
As I'm writing this post he has texted me apologizing for his behavior last night.
Cecilia44, I will pray for your sister. That is a horrible situation and I pray that she gets out. She is lucky to have your support.
hopeful4, you are right he is the man I married. I ignored major red flags. I thought love would fix them. I thought he would grow out of it. I made so many excuses. I also think he was on much better behavior until we were officially married and then he let it all hang out. I would advise anyone in a situation similar to mine to not ignore red flags thinking that you can fix them, but to address them head on. What a learning experience!
Again, thank you everyone for your support. I feel that I was meant to find this site. Over the past few weeks I have experienced so many ups and down and questioned my decisions. Your comments have really shed light on my situation and hearing your stories help to put things in perspective. You all are really making a difference.
Jryan19982, the comment about chasing the dragon really hits home. He started smoking more and more each night as well as other times during the day. I honestly think that's why he went to the pills to get a better high. However, he blames the pot pills on me b/c I was complaining about "the smoke" and concerns about our neighbors and being evicted. When he started using the pills I noticed a significant difference in his personality. I witnessed him pulling up to a gas pump on the wrong side of the car that he has owned for over 6 years and taking a pill and then being too paranoid to get out of the car to get an ice cream cone. He was practically curled up in a ball in the passenger seat of my car and would not even let me touch him. He looked crazed.
It is such a different way of thinking. I feel like I'm trying to learn a new language. With the help of everyone here and my counselor I'm realizing that what he says and does is very manipulative.
The comments about wires being crossed and former versions of themselves fit perfectly. It's crazy b/c when we are arguing his arguments are not rational. They just make no sense and they are very twisted. Everything that is wrong is either my fault or someone elses fault.
He contacted me wanting to meet up last night. He was so kind at first saying that he loves and misses me and is very sorry for everything. When I told him I could not meet up he became horrible and mean and everything immediately changed to being my fault again. It's weird I just had a bad gut feeling about meeting up with him. I feel so stupid for even considering meeting up with him. Ugh, when am I going to learn and let go!
As I'm writing this post he has texted me apologizing for his behavior last night.
Cecilia44, I will pray for your sister. That is a horrible situation and I pray that she gets out. She is lucky to have your support.
hopeful4, you are right he is the man I married. I ignored major red flags. I thought love would fix them. I thought he would grow out of it. I made so many excuses. I also think he was on much better behavior until we were officially married and then he let it all hang out. I would advise anyone in a situation similar to mine to not ignore red flags thinking that you can fix them, but to address them head on. What a learning experience!
Again, thank you everyone for your support. I feel that I was meant to find this site. Over the past few weeks I have experienced so many ups and down and questioned my decisions. Your comments have really shed light on my situation and hearing your stories help to put things in perspective. You all are really making a difference.
hopping for freedom
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 847
Hearing about him not wanting to get out of the car is no surprise to me. I hated dealing with people high and I would avoid going into brightly lit stores for sure. I'm sure the pills effect him differently than smoking it does. I've had friends that temporarily lost their minds on pot brownies. They could not remember where they lived and how to get home. They forgot who they were even, thought they were other people. Were totally paranoid and thought people were out to get them. The stories were really funny but at the time I know they were terrified. Even as a daily smoker I was wary of eating it because it was unpredictable how high I'd get. Getting too high is miserable and scary. And this is me who was stoned my whole life.
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Location: Australia
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Hi Anita 
Like others here I can testify that smoking initially mellowed me out but the more I became addicted the more irritable and angry I became when I wasn't high.
I was never abusive tho.
But...in a sense, thats immaterial here, yeah?
abuse is never ok, no matter how much we rationalise or try to explain it.
If he'd rather a divorce than counselling that's a pretty harsh statement of where his heads at.
I think you were wise to get out and I think no contact is something you should really think about?
D
Like others here I can testify that smoking initially mellowed me out but the more I became addicted the more irritable and angry I became when I wasn't high.
I was never abusive tho.
But...in a sense, thats immaterial here, yeah?
abuse is never ok, no matter how much we rationalise or try to explain it.
If he'd rather a divorce than counselling that's a pretty harsh statement of where his heads at.
I think you were wise to get out and I think no contact is something you should really think about?
D
You deserve so much better than that.
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