14th Sept. Day One clean & sober.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Australia
Posts: 211
14th Sept. Day One clean & sober.
Hi there, I'm new to the forum & I thought I should share a little bit about myself and my story.
A couple of months ago I ended up in rehab again for an opiate and benzo addiction, it was my 5th stint in a treatment facility, and hopefully my last. I'm 32 years old and drugs and booze have turned my life into something to survive rather than to live. I desperately want that to change.
My main issue underlying my drug and alcohol abuse is anxiety, specifically social anxiety. Drugs and booze took that uncomfortable factor out of the equation for me and I was able to connect effortlessly with people, let them see the 'real me' and I was able to meet girls and make friends. I thought I'd found a solution for my messed up internal world.
Here I am 20 years later and I am facing pretty much the same set of issues I was facing when I was 12 years old, yeaaah, talk about progression.
Anyway, I somehow convinced myself after my last stretch in rehab, that I could drink and keep control. In fact, I convinced myself so well, that I started to drink while I was actually still in rehab. I spent the last week hitting the bottle every night in my room, watching pirated DVD's. I'd convinced myself that my problem is opiates and benzo's, if I stay clean off them, then I'll be sweet.
The last two months since rehab, I've been drunk 5-6 nights a week, but I tell myself, because of that ONE night a week where I don't drink, I'm not an alcoholic. Or because I wake up in the morning and there's still half a beer left, I have some control. It's total b*llshit.
My life is already spiraling out of control again, and I don't know if I can stop it, It feels like I am watching a train wreck in slow motion. So I'm here to put my thoughts and feelings out there, get and give support where I can and hopefully with a bit of help, stay sober.
It's that groundhog DAY ONE again, no booze no drugs, wish me luck for tonight.
A couple of months ago I ended up in rehab again for an opiate and benzo addiction, it was my 5th stint in a treatment facility, and hopefully my last. I'm 32 years old and drugs and booze have turned my life into something to survive rather than to live. I desperately want that to change.
My main issue underlying my drug and alcohol abuse is anxiety, specifically social anxiety. Drugs and booze took that uncomfortable factor out of the equation for me and I was able to connect effortlessly with people, let them see the 'real me' and I was able to meet girls and make friends. I thought I'd found a solution for my messed up internal world.
Here I am 20 years later and I am facing pretty much the same set of issues I was facing when I was 12 years old, yeaaah, talk about progression.
Anyway, I somehow convinced myself after my last stretch in rehab, that I could drink and keep control. In fact, I convinced myself so well, that I started to drink while I was actually still in rehab. I spent the last week hitting the bottle every night in my room, watching pirated DVD's. I'd convinced myself that my problem is opiates and benzo's, if I stay clean off them, then I'll be sweet.
The last two months since rehab, I've been drunk 5-6 nights a week, but I tell myself, because of that ONE night a week where I don't drink, I'm not an alcoholic. Or because I wake up in the morning and there's still half a beer left, I have some control. It's total b*llshit.
My life is already spiraling out of control again, and I don't know if I can stop it, It feels like I am watching a train wreck in slow motion. So I'm here to put my thoughts and feelings out there, get and give support where I can and hopefully with a bit of help, stay sober.
It's that groundhog DAY ONE again, no booze no drugs, wish me luck for tonight.
Last edited by gnarlyboots; 09-13-2014 at 03:52 PM. Reason: Typos
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Gatineau, QC, CA
Posts: 5,100
Welcome!
I think you hit the nail on the head. Unless you get help with the root cause, in your case social anxiety, then things will remain difficult. Have you considered perhaps consulting a therapist?
Well done for your day one and hope this is the start of a wonderful sober life for you.
I think you hit the nail on the head. Unless you get help with the root cause, in your case social anxiety, then things will remain difficult. Have you considered perhaps consulting a therapist?
Well done for your day one and hope this is the start of a wonderful sober life for you.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
Welcome Gnarlyboots 
There's a few other kiwis here so you're in fine company
Feel free to check out our Class of September support thread too:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...art-2-a-3.html
Good to have you with us
D
There's a few other kiwis here so you're in fine company
Feel free to check out our Class of September support thread too:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...art-2-a-3.html
Good to have you with us
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Australia
Posts: 211
Thanks for the hello's guys, means a lot, it feels good to have people around who know where i am at.
Dee - Thank you very much It feels good to be here!
Thepatman - I really appreciate the warm welcome! I don't have a therapist atm, but am looking for a good one who is experienced w/anxiety issues.
NotSoIvory - Thanks Glad to be here!
Dee - Thank you very much
It feels good to be here!Thepatman - I really appreciate the warm welcome! I don't have a therapist atm, but am looking for a good one who is experienced w/anxiety issues.
NotSoIvory - Thanks
Glad to be here!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
