Day 5 - Feels like Jekyll and Hyde
 

When I first established my sobriety commitment on Sunday, my commitment felt bulletproof. Case closed. I felt angry in a good way, and firmly on board with not drinking anymore. My desire to drink directly correlates with how good I think the nightlife will be on that day. From Sunday-Wednesday my urges are manageable because I don’t really feel like I am missing out on anything. On those days everyone is going to grocery store/gym/etc. and simply waking up for work the next day.

However, Thursday-Saturday my cravings are very intense. If I don’t go out, I feel like I am really missing out. It is brutal. My mindset is so completely different – rationalizing why I should be able to drink. It is hard to believe that I am the same person almost – the person who just on Sunday felt genuinely committed.

In this moment right now, I feel completely committed. However, I know tomorrow after work this commitment will seem distant and there will be another part of me that really wants to go out and drink.

If you make it through the weekend sober you may find it to be a very new and exciting experience. While you feel you're missing alcohol and missing out without it it's hard to resist the temptations. Once you feel that you want sobriety more than anything it becomes its own high. I wish for you to get through this weekend and experience it!

This is the way I felt on Sunday. Maybe I should make a list of all the reasons why I want to be sober. I just know I have a tendency to not make it through Fridays. I need to stop falling in the same traps and change the pattern.

Good idea. Make the list now. Also have a plan of sober activities to do and enjoy instead. Come into the weekend prepared! Check in here too, it really helps.

Thanks melki - I appreciate it.

I had to accept that when I did drink I was missing out anyway - I was either blacked out or passed out by 9pm...

I had to choose - either I wanted to be sober and that meant a new life...or to stick with the old life and stay drunk.

You can't do both - god knows I tried.

There will be many many more Friday and Saturday nights and invites out...now, I can go anywhere be with anyone or do anything - and I stay sober because I sincerely 100% want to be that way.

But...it takes a good deal of working up to that.

I think it was good for me not to go out and to deal with my FOMO (fear of missing out) - I found out two things...one I didn't die cos I didn't go out on the town; and two, there was a lot to do on a Friday or Saturday night that need not involve alcohol at all :)

You can mourn your old life or embrace your new one...the choice is entirely up to you :)

D

Thanks Dee - I really appreciate the post. There is an AA group that meets near me tomorrow, so I think I should try that just to break the cycle . I also wrote my reasons not to drink as a reminder.

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Reasons Not To Drink
1-When I drink on weekends – the next morning I usually feel depressed, miserable, and hungover. I also tend to sleep late and waste most of the day.
2-When I drink, I often feel there isn’t enough time to do anything.
3- Drinking completely sabotages my fitness goals.
4-Drinking is expensive and I could spend this money on practical/positive things.
5-Drinking and having difficulty staying sober indicates a problem. It would be better off not being dependent on a substance, especially one that tends to be progressive.
6- When I drink, I have the tendency to lose things (eg. Cellphones, jackets, etc). Sometime if I drink too much I will get stains on my dress shirts which destroys them.
7- My reasons to drink are mostly nonsense. When I say drinking is the way I meet new people – the reality is there are plenty ways to meet new people doing sober activities (eg. Sports leagues, community service, etc).
8 – Drinking isn’t sustainable and it puts me on a pathway that I know is wrong. Do I want to be in this same position 5 years from now? 10 years from now? It would be better off to build a life.
9 – Drinking has strained some of my relationships with people, and when I remain sober things are much better.
10 – Drinking will cause health issues long term.

Alcohol took away a big chunk of my life, my dignity, my conscience, my morals, my resolve, replaced by regrets, embarrassment, loss of memory and shamefaced.

I can hold my head up, honest in everything I do without the crutch of booze. Yeah, I still get the urges sometimes to pick up but my life is less complicated, less of a drama and more happy and content without the booze.

That puts the brakes on alcohol. period.

Thank you for the posts everyone. I feel I have my willpower back. I will not drink tomorrow.

That's the alcoholic cycle ur talking about! Brain remembers the good and forgets the bad. Which brings us to a spree emerging ever remorseful once again. It's part of the disease. I hope u utilize your supports. Good luck!

How are you doing today, ANewDayNYC? What's the plan for the weekend? :)

I failed :( I know I have a problem, and I am unable to stop drinking. Everyone here is nice and supportive and I'm sorry for wasting everyones time.

You're not wasting anyone's time ANewDayNYC - this is exactly what we're here for :)

so weekends are a problem - what about making sure that the rest of the weekend is sober and spending the week making a foolproof recovery plan for next weekend? :)

D

I am usually able to not drink on Saturdays, and I am always able to not drink on Sundays. I am beyond disappointed though, I feel I am a lost cause. As hard as I try not to drink on Fridays, I can't do it.

It's tough early on, but you get better at it. Although sometimes I wish I could have a beer and get alittle crazy with my friends, I realize it's not worth it.... I hang out with them sober while their getting smashed an it's all non sense I'm noticing that I'm missing nothing . Feeling fresh and happy in the morning is one hundred times better then any drunken night. Stick with it

I can't tell you how many times I have felt exactly the way you do right now. You can do this and you are not a lost cause... far from it.

Ok, Fridays are tough for you. What happened? Did you decide to go out? The biggest part for me was changing my routine and the people I associated with. It is not easy.

The first week is definitely hard. But I am finding out that each day gets better. I still struggle too, but am learning to ask for help. Next time that urge hits, please come on here and talk to someone. Reach out to anyone in your support group if you have one. I had to accept that I couldn't do this on my own.

What happened, happened. You can't change that. Start again today and move forward.

You can do this!

Pure AV.

Try this

As hard as I try not to drink on Fridays, so far I haven't been able to do it.

It's time for a new ballgame.

With a good deal of effort, reaching out for support and advice and some strategy making I know I can make next Friday a day when I do not drink.

There's no magic involved. Just stop giving your addiction the power. It has no arms or legs. It needs you to co-operate in order to get what it wants.

Stop co-operating :)

D

I think one of the things I do is use drinking as a release. Throughout the work week there are various stresses and anxiety and I feel I just try to get to the weekend. Similar to the way people plan a vacation in the future as something to look forward to, I would use weekends as a way to overcome any stress I felt in the workweek. On weekends where I don’t drink, it feels like the vacation got cancelled and then I am back to a stressful Monday morning and it feels like I missed out. Probably due to the way this addiction works, planning non-sober activities on the weekends seems boring.

I definitely have a drinking problem. However, I am fortunate in a way that I only feel tempted to drink at bars. I don’t have any desire to drink when I am in my apartment. I do realize that alcohol addiction is progressive.

On the weekends where I don’t drink, I feel lonely in my apartment (and there are lots of bars within walking distance). I don’t really have many friends who don’t drink. Also, bars were typically my way of meeting new people.