JACfl

I am not sure if this is the appropriate place to post this message, but here goes. My hmmm...not sure what he is at this point, ex-fiance has been an alcoholic for something like 20+ years. We were together for 4 years before I left a month before our wedding and moved out of our home we owned together. He was a mean drunk. His manipulations were extreme. I was the only one that wanted to stop the behaviors, and pressure him to get help. His family wanted no part of it, although they claim they are close. They are actually furious with me that I disturbed the status quo. He has since gone to rehab, and is trying to mend a relationship with me. His dry drunk behavior is something I don't know how to cope with. I am seeing, again, some very familiar patterns. His Mother is so furious that this new him is now seeing the light about his dysfunctional behavior that they choose to think everything is my fault. I will say, he has quit drinking now for almost 5 months. He has quit hanging around all his old drinking buddies. He has separated himself from his Mother. She made him choose between me or him, she refused to come to any of the family nights at the facility, she told him she won't forgive him for his drunk behavior. The problem is; this is all a mess. I feel like I am all he has, and I don't want to yank that support from him. He is extremely hung up on his Mothers decision. He does not like AA, and feels like all they do is all complain about their needing to drink instead of solutions. His sponsor basically dropped him cause, he quit AA. He pressures me to just get over things, and let it all be ok. I am feeling the walls closing in on me. I need to hear from any of you either on the other side of this or in recovery yourself. Is there anything that pops out at you as major red flags or am I being too hard on him?

Thank you for your input.

Alynn

Welcome!

I can do all things through he who strengthens me

least

Let him know you support his sobriety but also realize that he has to do the work himself. You can't do it for him. It may be best to keep some distance between you while he gets himself straightened out.

Welcome to the SR family.

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

I am glad you came here for support for yourself. You might like to check out AlAnon in your area as a support for you. I hope your fiancé seeks support for his addiction.

We also have a forum for Friends & Families.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ly-alcoholics/

trachemys

The last thing i needed, the first thing this morning, was to have you walk out on me

It's an old Willie Nelson song. The last thing a recovering needs is for people to not walk with them in to a new life. We desperately need people to go in to our new life and we need them to demand that we go in to new lives. We don't need people to help us back in to our old lives.

As long as he changes, support him. If he wavers, support him. Give him a limit, an ultimatum. You can't do X or I will not support you. Mean it.