Jeremiah2911

Hi. I am new here and I have been reading various posts, threads, blogs, etc. and I need to have someone give me some advice about how I get "connected". Right now, I feel alone and yet I know by the posts that I have read that there are many of you out there that will "get me".
I NEED to quit drinking forever. I have been trying to do this for two years. I was always a "social drinker" but, after I lost two siblings and my mom and an uncle and a father-in-law in 5 years, my drinking became more problematic. The past two years, the longest I didn't drink was 11 days. I make promises about quitting and then I break them.
I argue that I am a professional with a strong career and my drinking does not affect my work at all. BUT, I wake up every morning and I'm worried about what people would think if they truly knew what I have become. I am a functional alcoholic-whatever that means.
I have really stupid arguments within myself about why I NEED to quit drinking and then why CAN'T I DRINK? I'm an adult. I should be able to...over and over again. I really want to do this. Please respond and give me some suggestions about how to get connected.
Thanks so much.

Soberwolf

hello nice to meet you

my drinking went from massive to completly out of control when my mum died

11 days is proof you can do it

NorMar

I used to think the same thing. I drank nightly but still showed up on time for work. Then I sobered up, and was amazed at how much more I got done when I didn't start my work day with a hangover.

I too was a functional alcoholic......in other words an Alcoholic who was able to keep a job and maintain the front that there were no issues with my drinking. I knew better. I was an Alcoholic first, however, no matter how functional I managed to be.

Thepatman

Welcome on board. I was also what one might call high functioning.

But bottom line is that waking up a feeling hungover is exhausting. I still rocked my work and career, but now, holy moly. I can rock my job and my personal life easily. My finances are better, my depression feelings almost gone, I eat well, there 200% for my little boy, i could keep going and going.

There is not a single thing I miss about drinking.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum!!

I found willpower only goes so far, support is the tool that got me out of my own head and short circuited my throughts of drinking!!

GracieLou

Welcome to SR, I am glad you are here.

I used to refer to myself as a functional alcoholic. That left me in denial for many years.

I had to get to the point and then accept that I was just a plain alcoholic. Reading the posts here helped me a lot. Instead of comparing myself to others I began to relate to others. When I compared I could see all kinds of differences that set me apart and made me remain in that denial. Once I could identify and relate, it was pretty obvious.

Personally I was never a social drinker, I drank is social situations and that was where I fooled myself into thinking I was normal. Parties, bars etc. But I never drank the way others did. I never had one or two. Once I had one it was on. I didn't lose count, I never counted. I didn't want to count. Why do that?

Hang in there and take it one day at a time. If you can stay sober for 11 days, then you can do it for one. One foot in front of the other, one day at a time.

Jeremiah2911

Wow. Thank you all so much for your encouragement and support. I still don't know how this all works so I have been looking at my email to see if anyone was responding to me. Duh. Now I get that I will only get emails if someone chooses to send me a private reply. So, when you log on, is it best to just go to your last post and see if anyone has replied? How about the blogs and chats? Are they helpful?
So, I'm going to just put this out there that I am still very uncertain that I can do this. I want to so badly but I have been unsuccessful for two years of really trying. I'm also scared. Scared that I could, literally, ruin my life if I don't stop. I have a husband, children and grandchildren that I love beyond words and I don't want to hurt them or leave them by destroying myself.
Thank you for being here for me.

PurpleKnight

You can check out all of your threads posted, not a bad idea to read the responses for encouragement and support from members, I do that all the time!!

Here's the deal, when I quit it was 1 hour at a time, almost 30mins at a time, you only have to make it to bedtime and that's day 1, keep it simple, tomorrow you get another 24hrs, again make it to bedtime, guess what? your at day 3!!

You can do this, be the wife, mother and grandmother that you choose to be, alcohol doesn't call the shots, you get to make the decisions, you get to write a new chapter to your life!!

You can do this!!

Jeremiah2911

Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

Hevyn

We know you can do it Jeremiah. I drank all my life. When I came to SR I was drinking all day. I knew I couldn't keep putting my body through that punishment. It feels so good to be free of it. It never helps us - just makes life miserable. Glad you reached out for some help. Keep reading and posting - you are not alone.

Anna

Jeremiah, I hope you can get off the merry-go-round and decide that you do want to stop drinking. Of course, it's not easy, but we're here for support.

GracieLou

You can do this, you just have to learn how. Willingness is a big part at the start and keeping that willingness going was crucial to my recovery.

I don't think you were unsuccessful at something if you don't know how to do something.

I tried will power and that did not work. My mind would talk me into drinking every time. For me it was not about controlling it. It came down to accepting that I can't drink and then learning how to live without it.

I had to think different before I acted different. This was a piece I was missing for a long time. I can't expect results it I am still thinking the same way I always did. That only results in the same actions I have always done.

Nothing changes, if nothing changes. Hang in there!

Jeremiah2911

I love that line-"Nothing changes, if nothing changes"! Very powerful. I believe that I am ready to do this, that I CAN DO THIS. I have made some plans to help myself. I am going to do a weekly craft night with my neighbor (and she knows about my drinking). I love music so I am going to make a "Me" cd that has some of my favorite christian songs like Mandisa "Overcomer" and her song "Waiting For Tomorrow" and "Oceans" by Hillsong United. I will have it next to my bed and use that to help me fall asleep without alcohol to help. I'll also keep one in my car so that I can listen to it as I come home from work which is usually when I start thinking about drinking. AND, most importantly, I'm going to be RIGHT HERE, with all of you-learning and supporting and encouraging.