Feeling Really Ashamed
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: London, United Kingdom
Posts: 66
Originally Posted by firstymer 
Each time you get the urge to drink again, Will, re-read your post.
You can climb out of this hole that you have dug for yourself. You really can. Many of us have. But you first need to stop digging...
Good luck. I am glad you are here with us.
You can climb out of this hole that you have dug for yourself. You really can. Many of us have. But you first need to stop digging...
Good luck. I am glad you are here with us.
I've found if I can resist for 30mins the urge tends to fade. The relief itself after making it through the urge is worth it.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
Welcome back Will 
Others have canvassed most of the points I'd make...but ,.,,as awful as this was, it could have been way worse Will.
What you have here is a solid gold second chance - don;t squander that chance...regardless of what ultimately happens with your relationships with girlfriend and daughter, you can write a different ending to this story....YOUR story
D
Others have canvassed most of the points I'd make...but ,.,,as awful as this was, it could have been way worse Will.
What you have here is a solid gold second chance - don;t squander that chance...regardless of what ultimately happens with your relationships with girlfriend and daughter, you can write a different ending to this story....YOUR story
D
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: London, United Kingdom
Posts: 66
Originally Posted by Will198
I have been thinking a lot about AA. There is a meeting tonight near me however I feel nervous about going. Coming on to this forum and admitting the things you've done feels different because you don't have to look people in the eye. Right now I don't think I could tell people to their face.
It's something I will keep thinking long and hard about but at the moment the support on here is helping.
It's something I will keep thinking long and hard about but at the moment the support on here is helping.
I'm plucking up the courage to head to a nearby AA meeting. Also, there might be structured recovery programmes in the Glasgow area - I know there's a Priory Clinic in Queens Park (but that costs a fortune and is an unrealistic option for most).
You're right, I joined this forum yesterday and finding posting/replying really helpful.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Glasgow
Posts: 15
Thanks everyone for the advice and for the additional info regarding AA. I am still considering going and if i feel the cravings are getting to much I will definitely attend. I looked and there is plenty of meetings near me every night.
I'm not finding the cravings anywhere near as bad this time compared to last time I quit but then my reasons for wanting to quit this time are far more severe.
Maybe some good will come of this horrible situation after all, maybe this will be the wake up call that helps me change my life.
I've read a lot about people needing to hit rock bottom before they finally quit for good and right now this definitely feels like mine.
I'm not answering any calls from friends right now and have decided to make my world as small as possible for the time being.
I have noticed something I've got a lot of work done today compared to my normal day even though I'm checking in on here from time to time. Guess that's a glimpse of what a sober life can achieve.
I'm not finding the cravings anywhere near as bad this time compared to last time I quit but then my reasons for wanting to quit this time are far more severe.
Maybe some good will come of this horrible situation after all, maybe this will be the wake up call that helps me change my life.
I've read a lot about people needing to hit rock bottom before they finally quit for good and right now this definitely feels like mine.
I'm not answering any calls from friends right now and have decided to make my world as small as possible for the time being.
I have noticed something I've got a lot of work done today compared to my normal day even though I'm checking in on here from time to time. Guess that's a glimpse of what a sober life can achieve.
Working-cl*** pseudo tough
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Manitoba, Canada
Posts: 485
And Will,
I wouldn't be one to tell you where to head in your relationship - in life I've seen that others meddling in the relationships of others usually leads down the path of pain for everyone involved. But I would like to give you some help with an approach you could use in deciding how you will move forward.
It is so important to highlight that you have a daughter together, and that regardless of where your relationship with your girlfriend goes, you will need to work together to help raise this child.
Should you two be together? I don't know either of you well enough to say this. What I can say is that if there is any relationship where there is physical violence, the relationship needs work. Physical violence is usually a manifestation of anger issues, or a power imbalance in the relationship. These issues are usually deep rooted and need both parties to work on them.
That they took photos of the bruises is somewhat disturbing to me. To work on a relationship with someone else, I would want to have a very frank conversation regarding this. The two questions I would ask both your GF and her father are:
- Why did you take the photos
- What do you intend to do with them
As an additional question:
- Are you willing to work with me on building a healthier relationship than we had?
Having photos to me suggests an exit strategy is already being planned, including having "ammo" in the event there is a custody dispute. And regardless of what she has physically done to you in the past, it and a buck will get you a cup of coffee in the event of a dispute.
However, with your daughter, I would suggest you do not have the luxury of getting into this kind of dispute with your GF. The only thing that can come from he said-she said disputes (which will involve your inner circle of friends for witnesses) is a long running schism which will eventually play out in the life of your daughter.
So, I'm not going to judge your relationship. But if you do not get these issues out in the air with your girlfriend, the dread and anxiety these cause may drive you back to drinking. This is the absolute last thing you can do right now.
Just for a mental exercise, imagine the following:
- You discuss these issues with your GF, and she states that she doesn't want to be with you anymore, and that she is keeping the photos as "insurance" in the event you do something in the future that displeases her
- You discuss these issues with your GF, and she states she really does love you, and that she wants you two to have a good relationship for yourselves and your daughter.
Either of these outcomes is likely preferable to the weird limbo you're currently sitting in right now, as you can now take a course of action based on either response.
Just want you to stay sober my friend. Uncertainty and anxiety are some of my biggest enemies in resisting drink. The sooner you figure out where you stand, the better you'll be able to move off in whatever direction you end up heading.
Best wishes.
I wouldn't be one to tell you where to head in your relationship - in life I've seen that others meddling in the relationships of others usually leads down the path of pain for everyone involved. But I would like to give you some help with an approach you could use in deciding how you will move forward.
It is so important to highlight that you have a daughter together, and that regardless of where your relationship with your girlfriend goes, you will need to work together to help raise this child.
Should you two be together? I don't know either of you well enough to say this. What I can say is that if there is any relationship where there is physical violence, the relationship needs work. Physical violence is usually a manifestation of anger issues, or a power imbalance in the relationship. These issues are usually deep rooted and need both parties to work on them.
That they took photos of the bruises is somewhat disturbing to me. To work on a relationship with someone else, I would want to have a very frank conversation regarding this. The two questions I would ask both your GF and her father are:
- Why did you take the photos
- What do you intend to do with them
As an additional question:
- Are you willing to work with me on building a healthier relationship than we had?
Having photos to me suggests an exit strategy is already being planned, including having "ammo" in the event there is a custody dispute. And regardless of what she has physically done to you in the past, it and a buck will get you a cup of coffee in the event of a dispute.
However, with your daughter, I would suggest you do not have the luxury of getting into this kind of dispute with your GF. The only thing that can come from he said-she said disputes (which will involve your inner circle of friends for witnesses) is a long running schism which will eventually play out in the life of your daughter.
So, I'm not going to judge your relationship. But if you do not get these issues out in the air with your girlfriend, the dread and anxiety these cause may drive you back to drinking. This is the absolute last thing you can do right now.
Just for a mental exercise, imagine the following:
- You discuss these issues with your GF, and she states that she doesn't want to be with you anymore, and that she is keeping the photos as "insurance" in the event you do something in the future that displeases her
- You discuss these issues with your GF, and she states she really does love you, and that she wants you two to have a good relationship for yourselves and your daughter.
Either of these outcomes is likely preferable to the weird limbo you're currently sitting in right now, as you can now take a course of action based on either response.
Just want you to stay sober my friend. Uncertainty and anxiety are some of my biggest enemies in resisting drink. The sooner you figure out where you stand, the better you'll be able to move off in whatever direction you end up heading.
Best wishes.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Glasgow
Posts: 15
Just had a bit of a blow. My GF is working night shift Friday, Sat and Sunday. I thought I'd be looking after my little one as normal but she had already arranged for her mum and dad to babysit. Looks as though I'm not trusted to watch my daughter anymore.
I really should have seen that coming but I didn't. Thing is if you asked my GF if I'm a good dad she would say I was great.
I've got a feeling this weekend is going to be tough. I've arranged to go visit my Mum this weekend hopefully that will keep me from going down the wrong path.
Gutted though.
I really should have seen that coming but I didn't. Thing is if you asked my GF if I'm a good dad she would say I was great.
I've got a feeling this weekend is going to be tough. I've arranged to go visit my Mum this weekend hopefully that will keep me from going down the wrong path.
Gutted though.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Hi Will this is exactly why i suggested time its way to raw right now
completly agree with your resolve in getting sober
The photos things theres not much you can say if she is going to use it against you then just explain them photos are the reason your getting sober its a freeze frame of something your working away from
Will if there is going to be arguments/diagreements im not saying split up just give it some time
speak with her tell her if you dont get sober this could happen again
tell her by being sober nothing like this will ever hasppen again
really rooting for you will hope it all works out if you ever want to chat im here friend ok ?
wishing you all best stay sober keep posting
completly agree with your resolve in getting sober
The photos things theres not much you can say if she is going to use it against you then just explain them photos are the reason your getting sober its a freeze frame of something your working away from
Will if there is going to be arguments/diagreements im not saying split up just give it some time
speak with her tell her if you dont get sober this could happen again
tell her by being sober nothing like this will ever hasppen again
really rooting for you will hope it all works out if you ever want to chat im here friend ok ?
wishing you all best stay sober keep posting
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Hang in there Will, life's always going to have a few ups and downs, focus on YOU and your sobriety, carving out a new path in your life compared to the events in your first post!!
You can do this!!
You can do this!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Glasgow
Posts: 15
Thanks guys I know this weekend is going to be tough but I'll keep checking in on here and try and keep busy. My mum lives in the country so I'll try and go long walks, hoping the fresh air will do me some good.
Focusing on posting on Monday about an alcohol free weekend (not had many of those in the last 15 years).
Focusing on posting on Monday about an alcohol free weekend (not had many of those in the last 15 years).
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
exellent there is normally weekender threads for newcomers il be here with the rest of the sr family
your doing really well will
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...t-12-14-a.html
your doing really well will
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...t-12-14-a.html
Working-cl*** pseudo tough
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Manitoba, Canada
Posts: 485
All I can say is best wishes, and see if you can find some time (any time) to get the conversation rolling ASAP with the GF.
The sooner you know where you stand, the sooner you'll know where to start the rest of your life.
Stay sober, and there will always be people here over the weekend if you need it.
The sooner you know where you stand, the sooner you'll know where to start the rest of your life.
Stay sober, and there will always be people here over the weekend if you need it.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,074
Hang in there Will. Believe it or not I think this situation could turn around and be your salvation. I did some really awful things during my alcoholism and I was very raw for a long time. I did things I didn't know I was capable of and I didn't even know myself anymore. I thought I was the lowest of the low. My husband didn't trust me for some time either.
The trust thing might take quite a bit of time on her part. But, you have to ask yourself what you would do if you were in her shoes. The only way you can regain her trust is through your actions.
I think some help like AA would do you a lot of good. Now is a good time to be gentle with yourself, and I think you're doing a good job with that already. Reflect on what is important to you in the long run when you get a craving for alcohol. Believe me, there will come a day when you'll have a craving. If you want to stop you have to be prepared for when the time comes that you'll be faced with a choice of whether or not to have a drink.
Be well my friend.
The trust thing might take quite a bit of time on her part. But, you have to ask yourself what you would do if you were in her shoes. The only way you can regain her trust is through your actions.
I think some help like AA would do you a lot of good. Now is a good time to be gentle with yourself, and I think you're doing a good job with that already. Reflect on what is important to you in the long run when you get a craving for alcohol. Believe me, there will come a day when you'll have a craving. If you want to stop you have to be prepared for when the time comes that you'll be faced with a choice of whether or not to have a drink.
Be well my friend.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,869
You can speak all you want for hours but that will not be as good as showing her and her parents. Stay sober and that will make a huge difference. You sound like you're ready. We are here and you CAN do this. Awesome honesty!!!
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