daisy1

Beth I'm not a vampire, lol, sometimes I take blood samples from patients of mine :-D

gratitude28

Ha ha ha - now I get the blood reference
Any better today?
So you are taking Tramadol too? Is that just recreational or for a health reason?
I forget - did you say if you had ever been to a meeting? Meetings REALLY helped me so much when I was newly sober (and trying to get sober).
Huge hugs and I hope your mood feels better today.
BTW - when you said about the badger, I had to smile. When I am sober, I still have a few "girl" days when I am moody as heck and cry at silly things and get angry beyond belief!
Beth

KateL

Beautifully put x

daisy1

I discovered tramadol when on a shift at work, had a headache - I couldn't believe how much energy it gave me and how much better I functioned, so I used to steal it from the drug trolley :-(. Never took it that much really, but as with alcohol my tolerance grew and I started wanting too much to be able to take without it being noticed.

So I phoned my doctor and got a prescription without even being seen, and it's now on repeat which means I have as much as I want. I have been getting home from work and taking two and then drinking wine. It's really affected my mind, it's made me a different person.

Some haven't had any for 24 hours and am having awful physical symptoms, but my mind is calm and quiet for the first time in months - I didn't realise what it was doing to me!

Next is alcohols- I've found a counsellor who specialises in addictions. First time I've ever admitted I need to face the challenges life brings like a normal person - thanks to all your replies. I fought against the idea of therapy for years but now I can't wait. I hope I learn to face memories, challenging situations and life without wanting to numb it.

�� xxx

gratitude28

Daisy,
You made my whole day happy I am so glad you have someone to talk to. There are ups and downs, but all of them are better than the constant worry. Besides, I am sure that the pills won't be good for you in the long run! I've taken pills from my prescriptions or even "borrowed" some from people I knew wouldn't miss them. I am glad I don't have access to them easily.
It's Friday here and I am going to bed sober and happy and tired from a yoga workout. Had a great day with my family.
Thanks for posting and I can't wait to hear how you do.
XO
Grat

peace2uuu

Hi Daisy
Wishing you nothing but the best

FreeOwl

I don't know anything about the British system but - is there any access to NHS recovery services? Do you have any ability to get into a program that both preserves your job and helps support your getting sober?

While it may be scary and difficult to admit you need help and to turn to your employer for help, it seems to me that perhaps the healthcare industry may be among the most likely to understand these things. Addiction problems are very common with medical professionals. I know that in the US, there are channels of support for healthcare workers to get help and still keep their jobs strong.

Do whatever it takes.... don't let this slip further down.

If you don't stop the cycle what will happen is that your career will be threatened or lost anyway.

Take action while you are still in a position to do so in a positive, proactive way.

daisy1

I would be very scared to admit my problem, I've seen how they've treated colleagues with addiction problems, they get rid of them. They are sacking staff with MS, crohnes disease etc if they have too much sick time.
I found today quite difficult, the withdrawal from the tramadol made me stutter and sweat and my eyes were streaming. But now I have two whole days off ��

The cost of rehab here is impossible, I see people on here that seem to go to rehab easily - anyway I've found a therapist and hope to manage this on mŷ own.thanks for caring xxxxx

ghostdad

Hi Daisy. I am new to SR. I am glad you are seeking some form of help. You said you help so many people in your career its time you helped yourself. Best wishes.

JasonNorth

It's a great job. An admirable profession.

But you have to focus on yourself. Help yourself. Replace the wine with water and ride the storm for a week.