melki

(((Lola23)))

Altoids

My pets are like that, too. They make everything better and never judge me.

Lola23

Thanks for sharing personal stories you guys. It does help

soberjuly

Lola23 please don't be jealous of a baby. I had 3 terribly cute ones...sleep deprivation, crying, diapers, spit up, did I mention sleep deprivation??? trying to get them dressed all squirming around, diapers, diapers and more diapers...24/7....up all hours...doctor visits...and too exhausted to have the sex life you used to, at least for awhile, like when they turn 18, okay I exaggerate. Then there's the competitive mommies - you know the ones who fresh squeeze everything their kid eats and it's all organic and they use cloth diapers because they wouldn't hurt the environment. And they breastfeed exclusively, which is fine, but they look down on anyone who contemplates the odd OMG bottle. It's hard and I mean really hard. Trust that one should never have a baby to make a relationship better...

You know, I saw that an ex-BF who I didn't marry because I didn't want to marry him just had a baby with his wife. They made this video...it had all their world trips and etc, it's very cute but I was like wow, they've traveled so much! but then I realized, he's 44. I had my kids younger, I spent my 30s up to my neck in diapers and Teletubbies...they waited or whatever, maybe just didn't get pregnant so fast but it made sense when I realized this. I've traveled quite a bit also but at first I did have this sort of, oh he waited until we broke up to travel all over...their life looks perfect - absolutely perfect - but that is what people alway show. Why would they record their fights? Or when things are just hum drum.

Gosh I went to CVS today, I had promised to take my daughter to get some small toy but the store we went to was closed, as in shut down, so I took her to CVS and she picked out something small and I went to pay and the woman behind me was buying one of those BIG bottles of wine, as in like gallon-size. I don't know what the size it was but it looks like a big jug. Her eyes were bloodshot, she smiled at me, I smiled back. I was so glad I wasn't buying booze.

And Facebook, lordy, people only show their best there. And it is beyond me because I feel it's abnormal to just go online and talk about me me and me. Don't I look good? or it's I look terrible because they want the 'no you look great! are you kidding me you look gorgeous'. I mean do you go up to people in person and just talk about yourself? No, we ask about the other people and it's an exchange but FB is one-sided and everyone is outdoing everyone else. A friend of mine said "FB is for egotistical people". Yes, we have FB accts but I rarely go on there and I keep my friends to the bare minimum.

I just read he's a FB friend of yours? Why? My ex - the one who just had a baby, he is a wonderful person, I will sometimes ask for advice, he has an MA in psych but FB friend just crosses a line.

When I first quit alcohol I 'deleted' my FB acct. Put in quotes because it was deactivated or whatever, it's up again but I don't go on it much anymore.

Dee74

Hi Lola

Putting ourselves down is actually one of the main weapons our addiction has...if it can convince us we;re not really worth fighting for it has us beat.

'only 20 days' to me when I started here would have been amazing. I could not manage 3 days for many many years.

This is hard. Don;y let yourself think otherwise,. or compare yourself to others - we can never know what demons they're facing.

The journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step - you're already on your way...it's a good thing not a bad one

D

sillysuzanfree

Very simple saying a yoga teacher told me..."to compare yourself to others is to rob yourself of joy". It took me many years to start actually practicing it.

Three years ago when I was bottoming out with my drinking, broke, unemployed, I had to move back on to my parents' property in a little back room somewhat detached from their place. Just a few miles away a longtime childhood friend and her husband were simultaneously buying their own beautiful house...it was hard but I decided not to be jealous or resentful about it. (after all I had my own problems to focus on) Now that I am sober, she and I have become very close again. I visit her there often and actually enjoy it.

MelindaFlowers

Hey Lola,

I've had the same feelings about myself in early sobriety. Why do I have to focus so darn much on a problem that most people don't have? Why does everyone else seem so happy and content not drinking while I sit here, so focused on not drinking.

I have to remind myself that the great things in life can only happen when I am sober. And they will happen. By stopping drinking we are giving ourselves the chance to do everything we want to in life. We need a healthy body and mind to be productive and happy. It will come with more time.

Great job on the 30 days by the way! That first month is soooooo tough. Isn't it great that we only have to go through it once?

Sulu1

I totally know the feeling Lola,

I recently split up with my long term girlfriend whom I was intending to marry. Couple of weeks later she was with someone else. I quickly put a stop to my misery by removing said ex from all social networks etc. At the time I really wanted to drink, I felt lonely and empty, still working on the lonely bit.

I'm just glad I'm sober, we all know that getting drunk just postpones the pain, then it comes back fourfold when you stop.

Take care

Tic127

Hi Lola, FB is a show ground for people who aren't as happy as they make out! It alls "look at me" " look at my wonderful life " " look at my wonderful kids" look at my wonderful new job " " aren't I amazing " basically equals = aren't I bored with life and gosh don't I have so much free time to sit and tell all of you lower order of humans about me me me me me me me and my wonderful life.........

It's the modern day equivalent of parking a really nice car in your drive, and standing there telling everyone who walks past that's it's yours and pointing out how great it is!!!? You just wouldn't do it! And we wouldn't listen, we would all say what a ass!

Great job on your nearly 30 days Lola, keep going x

JasonNorth

I was joking obviously.

NoJimmy

Other peoples successes should not be our failures. You are on a path to happiness and success right now, all things are possible if you stay the coarse. I hope you don't let what you saw undermine that.
Ending my "friendship" with my Ex was a healthy step in moving forward for me, no Facebook, no contact. Facebook was tough for me early on, I actually signed out all together for a while. Not saying you should, but it helped me.
I like your idea about forgetting the drink and enjoy some sweets. Hang in there Lola

Lola23

I've been there...as in, I was the woman with the huge wine bottle. I almost got there last night, I'm so glad I didn't. Thanks for the reminder...and for your whole thoughtful post.

Lola23

Thanks ya'll. I started to reply to each one but then stopped b/c all I can really say is...thanks. Wish I could hug you all.

Today is a new day. Upwards and onwards.

As some mentioned, yes...I should delete him as a friend. I'm even friends with his sister and his mom. Ugh. I should delete them all (not that they've done anything wrong). Actually...now that I'm typing this, I like someone else's suggestion of just deactivating my account and staying off FB for a while. Concentrating on myself and my "real" connections...not some 10 year old connection.

EJ43

Hi Lola!

Hang in there, block him on Facebook and go do something nice for yourself today. Don't drink, my trick lately is to fast forward through that first few drinks glow, focus on the next few and how quickly things will go downhill and especially the next day.....Wowza! I drink to avoid, but when I get up the next days feeling like crap with zero coping mechanisms, my crap is still there waiting for me. Hang in girl!

tabasco

Ask god to give them happiness and a good life. Do this every day for the next thirty days. By the end you will 60 days sober and ready for your own good life.

Lola23

Funny, my mother has always told me this too. Not related to this particular instance specifically, but when someone does something that hurts you (whether they intended to or not isn't relevant)...you pray that good things will come their way and they find happiness in their life. I'm not all that religious but I do believe in spirit and karma and healing through some sort of higher power...so I actually tried that this morning and I'll be honest, even holding that thought in my head felt excruciating. But this is a good idea, and I'm going to try it.

bigsombrero

Hi Lola.

I know the feeling. When I was 20 days sober my ex gf had moved on to another man and she was also celebrating a big promotion at work and moving into a new apartment. Meanwhile, I was broke, unemployed, and celebrating getting through another sober day in my kitchen, alone.

Today is Day 794. I have no idea what my ex is doing, nor do I care. Meanwhile, I am celebrating my first year anniversary with a growing company, and I am living abroad in a beautiful home. Who's laughing now?

Stay the course. There will be plenty of bad days. Keep them in perspective. Soldier on, we're behind you. It WILL work out, just stick to your sober guns!

Lola23

This is so powerful and so true. As always Dee is the source of wise words.

Jupiters

Hi Lola - I'm glad to see you didn't drink and seem to be in better spirits today. I was just talking to my counsellor last night about "comparing"...as this is a HUGE HUGE obstacle for me as well. (I suspect it is for many of us as I read)
I don't know where or why I feel like I am not enough but I do. FB is a huge trigger for feelings of unworthiness and I am considering deleting or at least deactivating my account for awhile. Having to read/see pics of friends all living these lives with homes and kids and travel...it really messes with my mind. Like WHY not me? What did I do? Why I am almost 38, living in a small apt with no kids, struggling to make ends meet and deal with this addiction...and the record goes on and on and on....I don't resent anybody or wish them unhappiness - but I do feel, irked I guess.
So, now I try to find the things in my life I need to be grateful for instead of ruminating on all the things I DON'T have. It's hard
*HUGS*
we can do this!!

and yes, Dee nailed it.

Tic127

What a Great supportive bunch of people, all wanting to help each other... Truly humbling !

Good on every single person on here!