desypete

when my son was dying we had hardly any contact with my ex wife as sadly she is still out there drinking she is an alcoholic like me but she just hasnt had enough pain yet
my son dying has given her the perfect excuse for her to carry on drinking, when she would come over to visit my son as i had to let her into the house to see him, but i made her swear she wouldnt drink, she never listened and would turn up half drunk to see my son

i dont hate her for it as i understand the illness my other kids dont like her one bit and have nothing to do with her and yet i still feel sorry for her

is you ex wife also an alcoholic mir ? i understand if you dont wish to mention it but if so then try and spare a thought for her
i felt like i had to protect my son from her in the end i dont know if thats how you felt with your ex as i know my ex certainly didnt help in her condtion and with my son dying it was just horrible even my son was scared of her towards the end mainly because of a drunken accident she had as she stumbled and ended up pulling his tube out that was feeding him morphine

even thought she was like this i can still find it in my heart to forgive her or at least understand her more than my kids can understand

do you have other kids with you mir ? how do they feel about there mum ?
i know its a dam hard place to be, try to remember she is the child mums good bad or indifferent
i know my ex loves my son and is really heartbroken over his death but for her she just can not find the way out of the drink like i have

so try and think good of your ex and dont let your other kids see you hurt over her no matter how bad she might be, be strong for the other kids my friend

Pondlady

Good you're setting boundaries. Some people will just suck all the air from a room.

least

I'm sorry you have to be going thru all this crap.

MIRecovery

Desypete

No she not alcoholic she is nucking futs naturally. One of her crowning achievements was in the last two days of my daughter's life she informed me that I was spending too much time with her and I would need to cut (she was at the ex's house) back because her husband did not feel comfortable. Then she added the caveat, "I would not have to let you see her at all."

I do pray for her but I wouldn't be upset if she was run over by a cement truck.

I don't allow her in my head much and I hope she never has to be any part of my life whatsoever

Lola23

Ugh, sorry you're going through this MIR. Toxic people are the worst.

DoubleFelix

Toxic really is the perfect word to describe their effect, isn't it? That kind of behavior seeps into to everything that will allow it, destroying as it goes. Sorry you are having to go through this, but glad you have set boundaries and have support!

desypete

oh i see i got the wrong impression of the problem sorry about that

well ex partners who still hold grudges are just ex partners who still hold grudges
we can not change them no matter what we do, all we can do is make amends be sorry for our part and then try to move on and live life sober

she will be a mum who has lost her child and its still so early days for you both to cope with the loss or your daughter

all you can do is keep your side of the street clean my friend no matter what your ex does or how she trys to hurt you or take out her own pain out on you or whatever

remember she isnt living life the way we have to ie she doesnt have a program the way we do
the end result is one person is looking for peace while the other is living in the past full of anger etc
all you can do is just keep your own side of the street clean and let her go accept it for how it is

you dont need it in your life my friend you have enough on your hands coping with your loss so sadly just try to let it go and let her go

easy for me to say i know as its not me who has to deal with it but you

good luck to you and i feel for you i really do