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Courage to Accept the Things I Cannot Change

Old 09-08-2014, 03:54 AM
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Courage to Accept the Things I Cannot Change

So what things in your life are you trying to accept?
I am trying to accept my dad's death. I am trying to accept my mother is a turd and always has been and it's not my fault.
I am trying to accept that we are at a point where our life is going to change drastically in a year or two.
I am trying to accept that my kids are older and don't need me around as much, even though I know they love me.
Without drinking, I can work through a lot of this. When I drink, these things become magnified and out of proportion.
How do you deal with your issues?
Grat
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Old 09-08-2014, 04:02 AM
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hey there, untill yesterday i would douse the fire of my problems in alcohol,unfortunatly this would work sometimes. but no more.
Im probably what you would call an escape artist, I just flee from my monsters in different ways, reading, playing computer games. just removing my mind from the problems at hand, but there always comes a time to fight, but if u can give urself even a little time to absorb the fullness of the situation and all relevant information, you`ll always fare better in the showdown.
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Old 09-08-2014, 04:04 AM
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I am learning to accept that I can't do it all or be it all. When I drank I could stop thinking about "it all" and just let it all happen. No stress...until I had gone too far. When it feels good...you just do it. Not a good thing for an additct. Still trying to cope with stress...big and small if there is such a thing. It is difficult since drinking is what I used to cope and escape. Still I am a work in progress.
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Old 09-08-2014, 04:14 AM
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Originally Posted by gratitude28 View Post
So what things in your life are you trying to accept?
I am trying to accept my dad's death. I am trying to accept my mother is a turd and always has been and it's not my fault.
I am trying to accept that we are at a point where our life is going to change drastically in a year or two.
I am trying to accept that my kids are older and don't need me around as much, even though I know they love me.
Without drinking, I can work through a lot of this. When I drink, these things become magnified and out of proportion.
How do you deal with your issues?
Grat
I think you mean serenity to accept the things you cannot change ?

Courage to change the things you can ?

I
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Old 09-08-2014, 04:16 AM
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i have to accept my role in my life that i dont like
i have to accept my little lad died
i have to accept i have to be there for my kids who are so dependant on me as they lost there brother
i have to try to push down feelings of hurt and anger at how unfair it is
i have to accept my job is gone for now and survive on my savings till i find more work
i have to accept everything that goes wrong in my day and still keep on trying to help others rather than shout or scream or say f it

i have to remember when times were good for me when i didnt have these problems to face daily and being sober and happy was a breeze
i have to work twice as hard today to find my own escape and i find it in aa more so these days with new comers

just daily living problem is all i have today more so as i wouldnt care less if i dropped dead tonight then my pain would be over
but even when i type that up i can see the selfishness in it and think right away about my other kids

so i have to accept i will keep on plodding on and try to be helpful if i can and try not to show my hurt or anger when i am out i will try to be kind and helpful even if i dont feel like being that way

as i know when i start off behaving like that it will last all day and my mood will change i will find peace in my mind and in my heart for a while
its been 2 years since i lost my child and today its a little bit easier than it was 2 years ago
but i can still have my moments but i dont pick a drink up over it and i try as best as i can to just carry on living bringing my kids up and working to pay my way
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Old 09-08-2014, 04:31 AM
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I struggle to accept my chronic digestive problems/pain. Drinking used to mask it. Also it stopped me thinking about it and being driven crazy by it because it numbed me out. There will some hard days of pain/discomfort I will have to ride through without much relief (nothing else works very well at all).

I also struggle to accept that I'm not where I want to be in life. I feel like I'm far behind, and have wasted a lot of time and talent.

I struggle to accept that a lot of "friends" who I have poured much time and energy into over the years aren't really friends.
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Old 09-08-2014, 04:47 AM
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I suffer from rheumatoid arthritis. Very painful and my hands get extremenly stiff. It also causes fatigue and depression. My pain killer was beer in the summer wine during the holiday months of winter. Learning that I did nothing about trying to fix the problem only free myself from the pain of one disease to lead to another. Now I am fighting 2 battles. Got to forgive myself...still working on that.
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Old 09-08-2014, 04:52 AM
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I have many small ailments, but my vitiligo is the most psychologically damaging disease. I know I could have it worse, like my SO battling cancer. I'm thankful for what I have.
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Old 09-08-2014, 06:01 AM
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Originally Posted by ChloeRose63 View Post
I suffer from rheumatoid arthritis. Very painful and my hands get extremenly stiff. It also causes fatigue and depression. My pain killer was beer in the summer wine during the holiday months of winter. Learning that I did nothing about trying to fix the problem only free myself from the pain of one disease to lead to another. Now I am fighting 2 battles. Got to forgive myself...still working on that.
I know the most beautiful woman that suffers from this awful horribly painful decease. she has had ever joint in her body replaced at least once and has just gone through her 4th hip surgery only to have something happen to it in physical therepy 6 months latter.

her husband left her about 20 years ago (he couldn't take how it was horribly disfiguring her), she has never had any children, no siblings and both her parents are now dead.

She has to get up at 5am every morning to go to the YMCA for 1-2 hours swimming time.. Swimming although painful is the only way she can exercise enough to get her joints a little more flexible so that she can make it through the day with out a wheelchair. She has done this for the 30 years I've known her...

I try to remember her perseverance and dedication to living a life well led when I'm crying over the spilt milk of changes in my life that I don't want to accept!! She is the most joyful happy woman I know... Her house is always filled with people and love. She's a server, if there is someone in need she is there... consequently many woman call her mother and many more call her friend...

I hate the changes that life has dealt me.. I didn't sign up for this.. I want the life I planned!! I believe that we each have obstacles we have to get through in our life.. We can either except them and grow through them or we can fight them. Our fighting wont change that we have them.. it wont conquer them. all it will do is tire us out, take our will to live away from us...

I want to live a purposeful life of joy... that's my goal... Its not easy to come by but I'm not going to fight the change anymore, I'm going to fight for joy...
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Old 09-08-2014, 06:15 AM
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My 'naturally obsessive mind' immediately thinks....what? doesn't it say Grant me the 'Serenity' to accept the things I cannot change? Well, what about the 'Courage' to accept the things I cannot change..I'll have to think about that....it is a good thing to challenge my mind and not let it just get lost in repetition.

Also for me, when the Prayer asks for God to grant me the 'Courage' to change the things I can...I have to add, grant me the 'Willingness' and the 'Motivation' also. I often have to break out of my 'Sloth and Complacency and Laziness' to ask God help me Do the Next Right Thing, and Do the Next Thing that Needs to be Done.

Thanks for getting my mind out of the same old repetition,
RDBplus3
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Old 09-08-2014, 03:09 PM
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Originally Posted by soberwolf View Post
I think you mean serenity to accept the things you cannot change ?

Courage to change the things you can ?

I
Yes - soberwolf - I was in bed last night and saying my serenity prayer and realized I was off lol. You'd think I'd get it right after the 2 millionth time of saying it. But, in a sense, it does also take courage to accept some things...

Beth
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Old 09-08-2014, 03:11 PM
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Desy, I am so sorry for your loss I can't imagine that pain.
Hugs and love.
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Old 09-08-2014, 03:14 PM
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Oh, and Desy - I felt the same way about AA. I have become a bit more of a believer, but God for me was a Group of Drunks
I lost my dad last year which is about half the pain you are feeling. I am still pained every day.
xxxooo
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Old 09-08-2014, 03:15 PM
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Sick and Chloe,
I hope your pains lessen and you learn to have some healing from them in sobriety.
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Old 09-08-2014, 03:17 PM
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So many good points here - so much of what I need to see and hear. We are all different yet all the same. And we all think too much
Thanks for being here.
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Old 09-08-2014, 07:04 PM
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Years ago, the yearbook editors in the high school where my father taught asked the teachers to include the best advice they ever got next to their photos in the annual. My father's: "Live each day like it was your last and one of these days you'll be right."

I'd forgotten about that until quite recently. But, when Dad died unexpectedly in his sleep at the start of the summer, I wrote his obituary and mentioned that he spent the day preceding his death doing things he loved. Not because of something he said while I still was really young but because it was Dad, living an authentic life.

That makes me grateful. It sets an example I strive to follow; I don't always succeed but I'm getting better at it. When I think about my dear father being gone or that my lovely mother is frail, or when I think about things that have hurt me, it's a challenge. But if I didn't try, then what's left? As long as I try, I have a fighting chance of fulfilling his advice, his example. And it gets a little easier.

I got sober a year ago last month. Had I lost Dad a year or more earlier, I am pretty sure I'd have gone into a tailspin, existing in a self-created mess from which it would have been much harder to extricate myself and probably not until there had been real, and potentially irrevocable, damage. Sobriety is a gift. I never let myself forget that.
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