royce99

Im having such a difficult time with all of this. My main issue is, a lot of my depression and anxiety, while its related to my drinking definitely, a lot of it has to do with a catastrophic knee injury I suffered 3 years ago...ive been through multiple surgeries, had hardware/pins screws placed in there, taken out...my "anti drug" has always been working out, and now here I am, 3 years after all of this, and I get stressed out from waking up and going to use the bathroom...the anxiety kicks in as soon as I stand up. I dont "feel right"...both my ankles are always week...my movements arent right...I come around corners and feel like my knees going to give out.

Im a former athlete, so this is really difficult on me. Ive def drank a lot to deal with all of this...and the hardest part for me is going a few days/weeks without drinking...going to bed thinking "ok this is hard, but I cant wait to wake up and feel good"...and then waking up and being in a panic/feeling like ive made no progress in any area at all. Ive shut myself off from the rest of the world...i prefer to be by myself, just because I hate being around people and "not feeling like myself"...it kills me. Ive lost my confidence to the worst degree. I keep thinking "if i can just get healthy, maybe this will all go away"...im trying hard, I rehab what feels like all day and all night, which it isnt really, but I do as much as I can handle without getting too emotional. Im making progress, but its slow....so slow. Really struggling at work...thats a whole different story, but im struggling

blahhh....im convinced that ill recover faster by giving up alcohol, even though I just want to escape and hide behind it...even though it never really makes me feel any better. Its hard to tell what symptoms are from my injury, what symptoms are from my alcohol use, and whats a mix between. Maybe I need to go longer then a few weeks to really see if quitting will have benefits with my mental fogginess...my panic, forgetfullness, social anxiety?

Soberwolf

I am 32 and have arthritis in my right ankle through injury

I usec to be able to outrun a bus for a 1 bus stop race (I'vedone it a few times 1 driver didn't let me on cos he thought I was cocky lol)

I take cod liver oil, glucosamine sulphate (really helps with cartridge) I take zinc, all b vitimins,

I will always have movement issues but if I don't do anything it just gets worse

I can't imagine the damage your knee has suffered

But I am glad your here really really nice to meet you welcome to the forum

Being sober I'm stronger than ever I've upgraded myself in sobriety

MariahGayle

Glad you are here Royce - I know for me the more distance I have away from the alcohol, the anxiety lessons as does the social phobia. You are not alone in this....sending thoughts of strength your way

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum Royce!!

You'll find loads of support here on SR!! Great to have you onboard!!

mimsy1

I can relate-feelings (good and bad) that were masked by alcohol came roaring back as soon as I quit. It's frightening at times. My therapist told me "the only way out is through". Good luck-Don't give up!

royce99

I need to try really hard to (and we all do) to get through those feelings of "this is just how things are in this world".....and dare to go longer and further into sober recovery

its so hard to do when uve failed so many times. If i can just get to a certain stage where I start to see progress, i feel like thats all i need to keep going. Going to really lean on this forum as I dig further and further into this...already having a bad day, but this helps coming on here. Thanks guys

Soberwolf

I always said if I can get to 30 days i could stay sober long term it took 3 months and on my first real stretch of recovery (I intend to be sober for the rest of my life) I am 8 days away from 14 months sober Iam 32 years old

I am 5000% better like this

Nuudawn

You are shouldering an awful lot alone....
For that you have my deepest, deepest empathy.

We are relational people and we weren't meant to do life "alone". You know what life's greatest punishment is? And it is used widely in the penal system, "segregation". Having worked with prisoners, you have no idea what happens to a human being after extended periods of total segregation from his fellows. It's not pretty. Perhaps watch the movie "Castaway" for a better idea.

Your preference to be alone...is at the very root of our alcoholism. Your preference is not because you enjoy your own company but rather how "deficient" you feel..especially since you are recalling perhaps what you feel is the "glory days" of your former athleticism. I know that in my work in the weight loss industry the number one motivator for men to lose weight (which differs radically from women)..is loss of mobility and sexual prowess. Loss of mobility is incredibly painful for men..much more so even than women.

Entering sobriety and "going it alone" is a recipe for disaster in my eyes. Going it alone in life is not healthy in my mind.

I have found that I have to work much harder at human connections in sobriety than I ever did sober. Whilst drinking, I could go pick up a bottle and putter around at home..alone..drinking..until I got drunk enough and truly felt my lonelieness and would decide to reach out and call people...hammered. Ya..sad.

If you decide on continued sobriety, I hope at the very least you stick around here and get to know us..and we you. I truly do.

People who relate and understand is the key to my sobriety...and mental well being.