pakman

I'm just about to wrap up day 19. For about an hour this evening I had the strongest urge so far. I thought I might turn my wheel to pull into a liquor store parking lot on my way to pick up dinner.

What triggered it was DW's mood swing. She's under a lot of stress at her job and it shows up sometimes as tears, sadness and meanness.

This stress me out a lot and tonight it fed the AV.

Does this make me co-dependent? Am I driving happiness from her happiness?

Dee74

It's pretty hard to label you co-dependent on the basis of one incident...I think you probably dealt with stuff like that in the past by drinking tho, certainly.

Maybe it's worth thinking about boundaries and thinking a little about you can avoid being stressed out by other people's stress?

D

oldsoul1122

It sounds like you were emotionally preoccupied. That's all I can come up with. I'm glad you're here and staying sober!

gratitude28

There's nothing so bad that drinking won't make it worse...
That phrase helped me through so many situations.
Alcoholism is a disease and uses any open door to get a foot in.
You will never be sorry if you don't drink.
Grat

Julie59

Sooo true Grat28 ... "you will never be sorry if you don't drink"

Thank you

Soberwolf

My gf is undervalued at her job and is really stressed out plus her godmother is close to death with T.cancer she is really stressed out you can tell she is sad

So I've been there for her done anything she asks (she is very helpful and a good person)

Most importantly I listen to her pay attention (this girl didn't give up on me I owe her my life and i would give her everything I had including my life in a heartbeat)

Right now she is spark out sleeping with her arm around me snoring a lil bit

I can't tell you how good it feels

Gotta make up for yesterday I made Thai green curry and it was a bit hot for her

Her nose was running lol

PurpleKnight

It takes time to break routines, I drank due to stress all the time, the quick fix was what I reached for every evening, and so to break that link and habit will take time!!

It's almost like we're changing our reactions to life, not reacting as we used to with alcohol, but in different ways!!

FeelingGreat

what worked for me during that type of physical craving, triggered by stress, was to take 5 deep breaths, concentrating on the breathing only. It always helped, probably because it relaxed me. Give it a try, it might work for you.

Nuudawn

Wow..look at the questions we ask of ourselves in sobriety? Your craving made you look at yourself in wonder. It made you look at your reaction and say "hey, my wife's duress is causing me discomfort and I'm getting a whopping craving" What's up with that?". That's pretty cool in my mind.

Are you codependent? No idea but I'm duly impressed that it made you wonder about it. I have read that at the heart of every alcoholic lies the heart of a codependent. I know that when I took a workshop on that very issue, I was gobsmacked to realize they could have put my picture by the definition.

I think Dee's wisdom belies our codependent natures in that we do likely lack certain boundaries...that we are left to learn in sobriety. I know I was having trouble with a certain co-worker until I realized that only thing I could do was realize she "triggered" me and I had to protect my own peace by shutting down and putting a bit of an emotional shield up in my dealings with her. It worked like a charm.

Alternatively, I don't think it is unusual for you to feel a bit "helpless" in knowing how to comfort your wife in her difficult time. Of course it would cause you discomfort and therefore the desire to "checkout" into a bottle. I am going to use the word, "fortunately" you have to learn because you are know "here" and "real" and "sober" and have to learn.

I think it's all good stuff...difficult..but good stuff all the same. The challenge and the consciousness part of it...not your wife's difficulty of course.

Julie59

Excuse my ignorance ... but what does do-dependent mean in the context of alcohol?

pakman

Thanks for all the wisdom. Good thing is that the urge passed and when I got home I let her vent and listened which comforted her.

Last night I had a dream where I drank a shot. I was so mad at myself in the dream. it was like in the dream I didn't remember that I had quit. of course just after I drank that shot, I realized that I had! when I woke up I was relieved that it was a dream. I would appreciate any interpretations. I won't take it seriously, but it would be interesting here your thoughts.

Thomasthetank

I've had some pretty tough cravings. One thing that really helped me is I time them, I can't remember where I heard this from I think it was for quitting smoking but it works with anything you crave.

Time your cravings, keep a diary of them, you can slowly see your progress and it makes you understand that this is temporary.

Mine have gone from hours to minutes within a week.

dwtbd

Dreams about drinking after quitting seem common, I've had them and it comes up as a fairly frequent topic. How awesome is the feeling of realising it is only a dream, right ?!

Dreaming can be so odd at times. Falling dreams just plain suck, imo, but the weirdest ones are those were you are in a location that is totally foreign to any real world experience and yet you operate as if it is familiar. Like dreaming you are in your house, but it is not your house and yet you can find the closet, anybody have that? It's enjoyable in a freaky kinda way, no?
Being upset after a dream of infidelity and carrying it forward(even just emotionally) in the real world, not so much.

FeelingGreat

I love interpreting dreams, but not in a mystical symbolic way e.g. snake = sex, because the meaning of dreams is so individual.
I believe we often process our anxieties through dreams, like realising we're naked; probably a fear of exposing ourselves too much.
With drinking dreams for the newly sober, consider whether you're processing your anxiety about relapsing. My personal interpretation is that it's a hopeful sign because your emotion is all about regret. That points to you being serious about sobriety.