zoey09

I was in a rehab facility. I had two weeks sober. I was working on some of my issues, staying physically active. I was starting to feel hopeful for a sober future.

Fast forward to today. I've had sporadic bouts of sobriety, 3 months here, 1 month there, a couple weeks at a time. But it never stuck. I didn't put my recovery first and it didn't last.

Today I feel ashamed as I recall the past month... The things I did (and didn't do) the things I said, the way I behaved. Addiction is a progressive disease and it is only getting worse. I am becoming worse. I'm full of anxiety, depression, despair, hopelessness. A few years ago it felt fun... I was young... there were less consequences to be had. I am 27 now, existing in my own private hell which I'm trying to hide from everyone.

Today, my life is at stake. To pick up just one drink or my d.o.c. again... Well I just can't. I'm not a person who can moderate. My life will spiral out of control, become unmanageable. I can't go thru this again.

Lionhearted1

Yeah totally understand that.... It's taken me awhile but I have finally seen alcohol for what it is, a poison that wants me dead and before death tortured. The new way of thinking is dissolving my cravings as soon as they enter my head. I know see the enemy for what it is!!

Soberwolf

Hi zoey glad you have realised really really nice to meet you

You are not alone for we are here

Well done

Tonymblue

I hear you. Most people dont realize that for us alcohol is essentially life or death.

PurpleKnight

You can do this Zoey!!

What's the plan of support moving forward? if sheer will power hasn't been working, might be time to change up your plan!!

Anna

Zoey, being an alcoholic often involves hiding things from coworkers/friends/families and it is usually exhausting and demoralizing. It sounds like you are ready to stop drinking and live a sober life.

zoey09

Thanks PK. Well as of late I haven't been active in any sort of support. The times I have succeeded have been when I'm active on SR, and attending 12 step meetings, so I'm going to focus on that. And posting on SR during the difficult times... Not after I have screwed up.

zoey09

Yes it's so exhausting. I'm not being authentic. I'm not being the person I know I truly am, but I think she's still in there somewhere.
Completely, 100% ready for a sober life.

Dee74

I'm sure she is still in there

Have you any ideas on a plan to help you stay sober, Zoey?

D